Uncovering Self-Sabotage

Uncovering Self-Sabotage

Exercise: What’s Kept You From Succeeding?

Sometimes it is simply your own stubbornness and stuck thinking that are holding you back.

This exercise asks you to be completely frank with yourself — asking some tough questions in a kindly voice to help you break through some of those nasty internal barrier success.

So grab a pen and, working swiftly, answer the following 10 questions for yourself with as much blazing honesty as you can muster:
  1. What has stopped you from succeeding before this?
  2. What’s your most likely form of self-sabotage?
  3. If you found yourself engaging in that self-sabotage, how might you handle that?
  4. What are you afraid might happen if you fail at this project?
  5.  How might you address the situation if that failure actually occurred?
  6. What are you afraid might happen if you succeed at this project?
  7. How might you address the situation if that success actually occurred?
  8. What qualities do you possess that can help you move through this project?
  9. What question has not been asked that you need
  10. What is the truth? (Start by writing, “The truth is…”) You may notice that imagining the worst of both failure and success, and then imagining how those eventualities, helps you feel a bit more in the driver’s seat.
Fear paralyzes;curiosity cures.

Writing down the answers to these questions encourages you to give voice to the monsters under the bed, disarming them once and for all.

The Reason You Procrastinate

Does this question sound familiar?

 

Dear Sam,
 
I know what I need to do, I just can’t make myself do it. 
 
I watch endless YouTube videos, I play computer solitaire, I fool around on Facebook – I even scrub my kitchen floors – all just to avoid the work that I know is my destiny. 
 
I get so mad at myself. Does this mean I’m chasing a Shadow Goal? What do I do? 
 
– Elizabeth, N. J. 

 

Dear Elizabeth,

 

Rest easy, honey – you are merely suffering from a biological imperative called “displacement activity.”

 

All Creative Geniuses get this from time to time. 

 

Displacement activity is what happens when an animal is in the grip of two conflicting instincts, and so they enact a third, seemingly inappropriate behavior.

 

For example, you’ve probably seen a chimpanzee being challenged by another chimpanzee. When the first chimp doesn’t know whether to run away or fight, he will…scratch his head…yawn…look away….start grooming himself…

 

When you have the instinct to create, and you simultaneously have the instinct to not-create — 

 

— the fear says, “don’t do it!”

 

(And yes, everyone suffers from this fear – celebrities, septuagenarians, kids, career professionals and me – everyone is sometimes afraid of putting their work out there. It’s terrifying.)

 

And so, confused by the grip of these two equally strong instincts, you shut down and get stuck playing Words With Friends for hours on end.

 

Sometimes years.

 

It doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem and it doesn’t mean your dream is impossible and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re lazy.

 

Shoot, you’re one of the hardest-working people I know. Right?

 

So the next time this happens, just recognize the dynamic without yelling at yourself.

 

“Ah,” you might say to yourself, “I appear to be having the instinct to create something. And I also find myself feeling afraid of what will happen if I create that thing. Perfectly natural.

 

But my fear does not get to make my decisions for me. 

 

So I will now set my kitchen timer for 15 minutes and just play around with my creative idea in a light, fun, beta-testing sort of a way and then see what happens.”

 

Discover more about what keeps us stuck in my free, on-demand, downloadable webinar called Shadow Goals — 

 

“Wow, Sam, I loved this! I’ve gone from feeling kinda blah and unsure to wanting to jump up and start. That’s pretty big for me, and I really want to thank you for that. I think a lot of people will find this incredibly helpful!” – K.
“Thank you SO much for your time, Samantha! This has been inspirational and hopeful for me….you’ve already given me some tools to use to move forward! Blessings to you!” – Deborah

 

“This call is invaluable so far to me. I’m being made redundant on the 1st of march and am in the middle of trying to choose what to do next and I think everything you’re saying is going to help me with this.” – Suzie, U.K.

Learn more about “Shadow Goals” here by watching the free replay: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=26718078

(Amazing!) – you’re going to love this….

I’ve never gotten so much email about a webinar before…

The 6-Session Get It Done Live Workshop starts tomorrow and it’s not too late for you to join in…

So if you catch yourself wondering…

– How do I find the time between work and home and the projects that I need to get done?

– How do I decide what to do first?

– How do I learn to say “no” to friends who interrupt/don’t understand my work time without feeling guilty?

– I get day to day things accomplished, no prob. But projects, like a book, that I say are important to me go weeks without me touching them. I think about them. But don’t work on them. That creates a whole set of self-loathing thoughts etc and more procrastination!

– I have unfinished paintings from new acrylic painting class. I bring them home with good intentions, but can’t make myself pick up a brush to finish. Even though I’ve been told I’m good at painting, I feel inadequate…Lack courage.

– How to I get rid of my negative emotional attachment to doing work I dislike?

– I start cleaning up and throwing away things but then it seems it looks worse than before I started. How do I continue to work organizing and throwing away things instead of getting overwhelmed and giving up until the next time I get up the courage to start again?

– How do I deal with underlying fear of failure

– When or how can I know when to let a project be unfinished/leave it and be okay with it never being finished or perhaps at a much later time?

– I’d like to know the key to staying focused & how to stop procrastinating…

And maybe you’d rather be saying things like…

“Samantha, Thanks for your wonderful teleclass! I am sending you an email so that we can work together so that I can figure out a way to thank you with $365 for sharing your gifts”. – Susan, CA

“YOU are an amazing GIFT and I am grateful for this call today! Thanks for helping me to clear my cobwebs and embracing the beautifulness that we ALL are! YOU Rock!” – Cathy, OC

“Thanks Sam. I needed that. You are a depth beyond real and gloriously sunlit.” – Kay, PDR

“Samantha, Your program has been fabulous…gives me chills and tears just listening to you…I am inspired! Thank you for sharing…will be signing up.” – Irene, GH

“I LOVE your sense of humor and your energy!” – Anon.

And if you want more evidence, just wait until you hear how I answer these questions on the latest, last live event from today (find the replay here: http://InstantTeleseminar.com/?eventid=23929068)

How can I get totally clear about what is most important to me to create … which kind of Artist I am …? E., Italy

I have creative ADD (that’s what I call it) which leads to beginning many projects, getting overwhelmed – and then never finishing. ~ It sounds like your workshop addresses this. – T., VA

So, better to prioritize or spend 15 minutes daily on more than one unfinished project? – S., CA

Sam, from what you shared it occurs to me that there is an artistry to business making and that business is rarely presented in an artistic light. But isn’t it all part of creating? – K., CA

My biggest obstacles to getting it done are that my office is always a hopeless mess, social media suck my time away, and I have giant piles of stuff to do that overwhelm me. Help! – A., Canada

Can only listen for first 15 minutes or so but want to hear this! How can I get this later? – B, CA (of course – here you go!)

How would you differentiate your approach with the kind of organization & daily duties needed to be highly successful in a home business? Thanks – T., TN

Thank you for being real!! Thanks for feeling the excitement being with you and addressing the “amazing unfinished projects”. Love hearing you — D., NJ

Then you are ready to join The Get It Done Workshop!

If your intuition is encouraging you to give The Get It Done Workshop (starts Thursday, Nov. 3) a try, then I double-dog dare you to GO FOR IT!

Sign up – right now – and be confident because of my rock-solid “Your Satisfaction Guaranteed or Your Money Cheerfully Refunded” policy. Go here to learn more & order: www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com/fall

Please don’t hesitate to write me if you have any thoughts or questions – you know I love hearing from you —

Samantha Bennett
Creator, The Organized Artist Company

By The Way, You Look Really Great Today

P.S. “Just chiming in here: Sam’s [Get It Done] webinar/workshop is the best workshop I have ever taken. In fact, I’m taking it again because I have a different project and the container she manages to create is pretty miraculous. She is really unique, in both her delivery and her wisdom. And no-I’m not a “plant.” LOL. Just wanted to say how incredibly worth it those six weeks are.” – Patti

Find out more & register for Get It Done Workshop here: www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com/fall – you know I’d love to have you in this group! – SSB.

P.P.S. And even if you’re reading this after the fact, it’s STILL not too late – I usually have a bunch of people jump in between Session #1 and Session #2 – you can get caught up in no time! – SSB

Why Is It So Awful When Everyone Thinks You’re So Wonderful?

Why Is It So Awful When Everyone Thinks You’re So Wonderful?

“I love your work…”

“Wow, your life is so perfect…”

“You changed my life…”

Sounds great, right? All that praise and approval?

Isn’t that just what you’ve always wanted?

So why do you have a horrible, sinking feeling in your stomach?

There are quite a few unexpected thoughts and feelings that can arise when you begin to be a successful public person:

  • “I’m a fraud.”
  • “Everyone thinks my life is perfect and it is SO not perfect – I feel awful.”
  • “Why is being so popular so exhausting?”

Don’t worry – you’re not crazy. You’re just dealing with a very wonderful problem.

Here’s the link to the blog post I created about this topic for the wonderful people over at CreateHype.com:

http://createhype.com/why-it%E2%80%99s-so-awful-when-everyone-thinks-you%E2%80%99re-so-wonderful/

And here’s the free audio event I recorded about this topic:


Download
I’d love to hear your thoughts….

Prepare To Be Uncomfortable

Recently a client asked me how to tell the difference between the natural anxiety a person has when they’re moving forward into something new and the gut instinct that something is truly wrong for them.  Good question, right?

And the answer is: I don’t think you can tell the difference.  At least not right away.

Both of those feelings are so profoundly uncomfortable that it’s easy to see why some people stay stuck in the familiar.  As my wise friend Amy Ahlers once told me, “If you are out of your comfort zone, you can expect to feel uncomfortable.”

I think the only solution is to take a few deep breaths, recognize that discomfort is part of change and then take a few small, manageable steps toward the new thing.  Then you can look around and see how it all feels: are you feeling supported and excited?  Are unexpected angels conspiring to help you?  Are you enjoying yourself?  Or are there roadblocks and potholes and feelings of wrongness?

Only once you have taken a few steps into the unknown territory can you determine if you should keep going or not.  You can’t tell from where you are.

But do not underestimate how very uncomfortable it can feel to start to play in a bigger arena, to put your self out there, to begin a new work.  You will feel vulnerable, afraid and very….exposed.  And here’s what’s worse: no one will give you credit for your bravery.  They will just sort of assume that it must be easy for you to publish, to perform, to create, to change your world.  Because that’s just how cool you are.

(And also notice that you make that assumption, too.  When your friend releases a new CD of original songs or mounts a gallery show or puts up their Etsy shop, you don’t automatically think of all the blood, sweat and tears they must have poured out to accomplish that work.  You just think, “Oh.  Cool.  They did that.”  So maybe next time give them a bit of a pat on the back, nu?)

You must hold your own hand, talk yourself off of whatever ledges you find yourself on, reward yourself with lots of treats, surround yourself with a few compatriots who will acknowledge your efforts and then…keep walking.

Pay attention to the foreboding feeling in your belly, but don’t let it make your decisions for you, OK?