Easy vs. Hard

Some things are easy and some things are hard, but not always in the way you might expect.

  • Fast food seems easy, but in the long run, it is very hard on your system.
  • Not saying, “Hi” to clerks, colleagues, acquaintances and strangers might seem easy (the rationale being something like, “just keep your head down – you don’t really know them – no need to get involved in a long conversation…”) but ultimately it is much harder to live in a world in which everyone is a stranger.
  • Working out is hard, but it’s easier than the loss of self-esteem that comes with feeling weak.
  • Hosting dinner parties seems much harder than not hosting dinner parties, but maintaining strong social ties with the people you care most about will make your life much, much easier overall.  Plus it gives you a great reason to clean your house, which seems hard but, once the joint is clean seems wonderfully easy.
  • Putting off working on the projects that matter most to you (completing your writing project, organizing your sewing room, making that baby present, creating that one-person show, launching that online magazine, clearing out your basement, returning to your watercolors, finding the time to meditate…) sort of seems easier – which is why we sometimes characterize this putting off as “laziness” – but it actually causes you great pain.  Psychic pain, spiritual pain, artistic pain, pain in your self-respect, pain around your legacy…And that pain is HARD.

If you want to know the TRUTH about procrastination, please join me for the “Procrastination Is Genius In Disguise: Discover the 5  Surprising Truths About What’s Holding You Back” FREE teleclass on Thursday, Jan. 20th.

Register now for free and you can attend the call live via phone, Skype or streaming audio webinar AND you’ll get the recording as my gift to you.

Go here to register and for more info: http://www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com

And tell your friends, won’t you?  Thanks.

You Don’t Need To Lose Weight

You Don’t Need To Lose Weight

Here’s how I know: because if you really needed to lose weight, you’d be doing it already.

In the same way that you always feel like you need more money, but it’s when the rent is due (or those shoes go on sale) that you actually find the money.

So if you’ve been torturing yourself about how you look and you are letting your mind be filled up with an endless swirl of thoughts like, “Why is my belly like that?  And my hips.   I used to be so much thinner.  I should go to the gym.  That girl over there is so skinny.  I wish I looked like that.  I wonder if I should try hula-hooping or pole dancing?  Silly.  I wish I could just snap my fingers and change my body.  Maybe a juice fast?  I don’t really like juice….”

(Familiar?)

Then I am here to tell you right now: CUT IT OUT.

(Now, clearly, if your weight is a medical issue and you still aren’t doing anything about it, then you must just rally all of your internal strength and get a bunch of people to help you right now.  Seriously.  I don’t care if you are thin or not, but I do care that you stay alive.)

I have a little story for you.

Here’s what happened:

I was meditating the other day (and, as usual, half-running my list of complaints about myself) when I suddenly felt a BOLT of energy – like a wrecking ball of energy had just hit me square in the chest – and I suddenly saw the complete absurdity of my endless self-criticizing.

1) I have a BEAUTIFUL life.

2) Life is very, very short.

Therefore, for me to spend ONE MINUTE obsessing about something as trivial as my weight is not just ridiculous, it’s a bit obscene.  In the way that having a bowling alley in a private home is a bit obscene.

I was suddenly shocked at myself.  That I would spend even one minute of this glorious life beating myself up seemed, at the very, very least, pitifully ungrateful.

I seized a pen and wrote:

My Poor, Ever-Lovin’ Body…

My precious, delightful, ungainly, grace-filled body
That has lived through
So much neglect
So much disdain
…and you have only ever loved me

Breathing for me even when I forget

Patient so patiently waiting for me to love you
Or even like you a little bit.

You always do your best
Even with me disapproving all the time
Oh the things I have said about you
Still you helped me as best you could.

Stockholm Syndrome.

Tell me what I’ve done
Show me every scar
Each tender spot

I’m noticing how soft your skin is
Right here
Right here
And this light I see in your eyes

How could I ever miss how beautiful you are?

© 2011 Samantha Bennett

So, as a consequence of that blazing moment I have started a new spiritual discipline:

I have spent the last several days mentally refusing to worry about how my body looks.

And I gotta tell you, it is appalling how many times an hour I start to think, “Oh, my weight is so…” and then I have to say to myself, “Stop. Think about something more interesting.”

And then 3 minutes later I’m right back. “My thighs…” and then, “Stop. Think about something more interesting.”

I cannot begin to count the amount of time I have spent over the years just idly hating myself.

Well, as of now, I am reclaiming that time and that mental energy.

I have made a sign for over my desk that says:

IF YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT YOUR WEIGHT YOU ARE JUST BORED.

GET BACK IN THE GAME.

And I challenge you to do the same.

Let me know how it goes, OK?

Meet Chaos With Compassion

When everything starts to feel out of control, it’s easy to get hard. Hard-headed, hardhearted and hard to get along with.

When we get rigid, we often try to exert some autocratic form of control (“Get into bed right now, young lady!”) which leaves everyone feeling alone and depleted.

Next time your world starts spinning, take a deep breath and concentrate on softening your heart.

Let me know what happens, OK?

Might As Well Make Some Art

You’re not going to get everything done today anyway, so you might as well:

– spend some time on a thing that matters to you
– spend some time resting & restoring your soul
– spend maybe a minute or two communicating with someone you love

Make a part of today about spending your valuable time on that which is truly important to you because that is the highest and best use of your time and your talents, and doing so will enrich you and your community.

Your life deserves your best. Make time for it.

The Snag In Your Sweater, The Ringtone You Hate

The Snag In Your Sweater, The Ringtone You Hate

While a lot of the coaching and free-advice giving I do is about making sure that you spend at least 15 minutes per day on the creative work that makes you happy, this bit is about attending to all those dumb, pesky details that can make your world feel like a dumb, pesky place to be.

For example, let’s take my client, Kevin.  Kevin is a an actor – one of those good-looking-California-surfer types.  He’s a hard-working member of a Los Angeles theatre company, and he occasionally books television and film work, usually playing a good-looking-California-surfer type.

Here’s Kevin’s list of dumb, pesky things:

  • Get the car washed

  • Clear off desk

  • Take “Opening Night” outfit to the dry cleaners

  • Clear out the nightstand drawer

  • Scrub the tile grout in the tub

  • Call Angela – her birthday was ages ago!

  • Check DWP website about drip irrigation program

  • Put scuba gear in garage – get it out of the bedroom

  • Throw out holey underwear

  • Wipe down patio furniture

Now, how long do you suppose these items had been on Kevin’s list?

Here’s Kevin’s embarrassing secret: nothing on that list was less than three months old, and some of them (nightstand drawer) had been on his to-do list for over five years.  We can all point and snicker and laugh, but be honest, how many days or weeks or months have your to-do items been hanging around?

Now part of me wants to say to Kevin, “Look, clearly you don’t really give two hoots about getting your car washed, so why not just cross it off your list entirely and move on to a more interesting problem?”

But the fact is, it bothers him.

None of it bothers him very much, but all of them bother him a little.

So every morning Kevin wakes up, looks at his overflowing nightstand drawer and thinks that he should have cleaned that out already.  Then he goes to the shower and cringes at the sight of his grubby tile grout.  Then he gets dressed, rooting around for intact underwear, trips over the scuba gear, walks past his messy desk on which, somewhere, is his friend Angela’s phone number and he walks past the suit that’s waiting to go to the dry cleaners and he exits his home and notices the dried-out lawn and the grimy patio furniture and he gets in his dirty car and drives to work.

The poor man hasn’t been awake for 45 minutes and he’s already feeling terrible about himself.

That’s why I want you to take care of these niggling things.  Not because anyone cares if your car is dirty, but because it’s affecting your self-esteem, and it’s affecting your ability to believe in yourself.  “How can I start the project of my dreams when I can’t even find matching socks!”  Well, perhaps you can’t.

So make a list of ten little things that:

  • you know need doing
  • you know that if you did them it would make positive difference in your life
  • you’ve been putting off for some mysterious reason

You must keep this list to truly “little” things.  Things that cost
less than $50.  Things that take less than one hour to complete.
Things that might even be considered “errands.”

Now, schedule some time to complete these tasks.  Might be 15 minutes a day, might be one whole day devoted to the whole list, might be delegating these tasks (yes!  delegate!)

Let me know how it feels.

I’d love to hear what niggling little thing you’ve been putting off, and how it felt to finally get it done.