Sometimes it is simply your own stubbornness and stuck thinking that are holding you back.
This exercise asks you to be completely frank with yourself — asking some tough questions in a kindly voice to help you break through some of those nasty internal barrier success.
So grab a pen and, working swiftly, answer the following 10 questions for yourself with as much blazing honesty as you can muster:
What has stopped you from succeeding before this?
What’s your most likely form of self-sabotage?
If you found yourself engaging in that self-sabotage, how might you handle that?
What are you afraid might happen if you fail at this project?
How might you address the situation if that failure actually occurred?
What are you afraid might happen if you succeed at this project?
How might you address the situation if that success actually occurred?
What qualities do you possess that can help you move through this project?
What question has not been asked that you need
What is the truth? (Start by writing, “The truth is…”) You may notice that imagining the worst of both failure and success, and then imagining how those eventualities, helps you feel a bit more in the driver’s seat.
Fear paralyzes;curiosity cures.
Writing down the answers to these questions encourages you to give voice to the monsters under the bed, disarming them once and for all.
Here’s an example of the kind of letter I frequently receive from my clients:
I know what I need to do, I just can’t make myself do it. I watch endless YouTube videos, I play computer solitaire, I fool around on Facebook — I even scrub my kitchen floors — all just to avoid the work that I know is my destiny. I get so mad at myself. Am I chasing a shadow goal? What do I do? — Elizabeth
Here’s what I would say to Elizabeth, and to you, since chances are fairly high you are dealing with the same concerns:
Rest easy, honey — you are merely suffering from a biological imperative called “displacement activity.”
Displacement activity is what happens when an animal is in the grip of two conflicting instincts, and so it enacts a third, seemingly inappropriate behavior.
For example, you’ve probably seen a chimpanzee being challenged by another chimpanzee. When the first chimp doesn’t know whether to run away or fight, he might scratch his head. . .yawn. . . look away. . . start grooming himself.
Seems like a very passive response to aggression, but that chimp will do anything to deflect the energy, avoid making a decision, and otherwise make himself as invisible as possible.
When you have the instinct to create and you simultaneously have the instinct not to create, your fear says, “Don’t do it!” And so, confused by these two equally strong instincts, you shut down and get stuck playing an online word game for hours on end.Sometimes years.
It doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem, and it doesn’t mean your dream is impossible, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re lazy.
So the next time this happens, just recognize the dynamic without yelling at yourself.
“Ah,” you might say instead, “I appear to be having the instinct to create something. And I also find myself feeling afraid of what will happen if I create that thing.
Perfectly natural.
But my fear does not get to make my decisions for me. So I will now set my kitchen timer for fifteen minutes and just play around with my creative idea in a light, fun, beta-testing sort of a way and then see what happens.”
ACTION STEP
Spend fifteen minutes right now playing around with your favorite project.
Have you said this sentence to yourself about your creative projects, your clutter or getting your business off the ground?
“I know what I need to do…I just have to make myself do it.”
Yep.
I’ve said it, too.
And it’s a huge, horrible lie.
The truth is this:
You are aware of one method that you could use to get your project moving and…you’re not interested in it.
It’s like you’re standing down at the bottom of a mountain….
You can see the top and you think, “Oh! I really want to go there!”
From where you are, you can see one big path up the mountain. Lots of people are on this path.
But for some reason, you don’t want to take that path. You think about it, but you don’t move.
It’s just…not for you.
You may even start to wonder if there’s another way up the mountain.
But then your big “rational” voice says, “Don’t be silly. There’s the road up the mountain. Just do it. Just make yourself do it. What’s your problem? Are you lazy? Why don’t you just do it already?”
This voice is amplified by helpful magazine articles and practical-minded friends and well-meaning fools who keep telling you, “There’s only this one way up the mountain and you know you need to climb the mountain so get on with it, why don’t you?”
And yet you don’t move.
You start to feel worse and worse — because you really do want to get to the top of the mountain. So maybe you work on your self-esteem or you say affirmations or you try enforcing your willpower… but still…
Nothing.
Zip.
No movement.
Here’s the truth:
You aren’t moving because, honey — THAT ISN’T YOUR PATH.
There IS a way for you to climb that mountain and accomplish your goals… it’s just not the way you think.
After all, you are a Creative Genius.
You think different.
Your life is about art and self-expression and healing people and laughter and loving and doing the kind of work that doesn’t even feel like work because you love it so much and you don’t even notice the time passing.
(And if it turns out to not be the right thing for you, no worries – just let me know before May 8th and I’ll cheerfully refund your tuition. No questions asked. No hassle. No problem.)
I’m ready to help you find YOUR way up the mountain, so let me know – are you in?
P.S. Feeling ambivalent? Here are three steps you could take right now:
2) Schedule a free 15-minute “evaluation” call with me here: https://www.timetrade.com/book/WWDYQ
3) If your intuition is tugging on your sleeve and you don’t feel like doing the “evaluation” call, then why not just jump in and register for The Monster Get It Done Teleclass
You can get started for as little as $199 — if you discover it’s not right for you, just let me know by May 8th and I’ll cheerfully refund your tuition, no questions asked.
Some things are easy and some things are hard, but not always in the way you might expect.
Fast food seems easy, but in the long run, it is very hard on your system.
Not saying, “Hi” to clerks, colleagues, acquaintances and strangers might seem easy (the rationale being something like, “just keep your head down – you don’t really know them – no need to get involved in a long conversation…”) but ultimately it is much harder to live in a world in which everyone is a stranger.
Working out is hard, but it’s easier than the loss of self-esteem that comes with feeling weak.
Hosting dinner parties seems much harder than not hosting dinner parties, but maintaining strong social ties with the people you care most about will make your life much, much easier overall. Plus it gives you a great reason to clean your house, which seems hard but, once the joint is clean seems wonderfully easy.
Putting off working on the projects that matter most to you (completing your writing project, organizing your sewing room, making that baby present, creating that one-person show, launching that online magazine, clearing out your basement, returning to your watercolors, finding the time to meditate…) sort of seems easier – which is why we sometimes characterize this putting off as “laziness” – but it actually causes you great pain. Psychic pain, spiritual pain, artistic pain, pain in your self-respect, pain around your legacy…And that pain is HARD.
If you want to know the TRUTH about procrastination, please join me for the “Procrastination Is Genius In Disguise: Discover the 5 Surprising Truths About What’s Holding You Back” FREE teleclass on Thursday, Jan. 20th.
Register now for free and you can attend the call live via phone, Skype or streaming audio webinar AND you’ll get the recording as my gift to you.
Go here to register and for more info: http://www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com
You’re learning, you’re launching, you’re out there on the far edge of your experience and it’s a real thrill.
Then.
Then comes The Middle.
The Middle is where it gets kinda boring. It’s when the to-do list becomes an exercise in tedium. The End might have certain charms, but there’s very little that’s sexy about The Middle.
It’s like how Christmas shopping is for some people: way-super-fun picking out the lovely gifts for the people you adore, wrapping and shipping is an unbelievable drag but then witnessing the unwrapping of the gift is a blast.
So – how do you stay motivated through The Middle?
1) Remember your values. You began this process with the idea that your work will bring something important (more peace, greater enlightenment, better banana bread, thinner thighs…) to the world. Picture that effect rippling out in the world. Feel the joy. When you can’t get the train set suitably wrapped, it can be very invigorating to focus on the future: the delighted look on your little engineer’s face upon opening.
2) Delegate. Get help. Farm it out. Beg, borrow or trade. The work that is a giant drag for you might actually be sort of fun for someone else. Plus, that other person is not burdened by your story about your journey. (They aren’t thinking, “Oh, I should be done with this by now” or “This is probably a really dumb idea” or “Who cares about enlightenment anyway?” They are just doing the work.)
3) Pursue clarity. Put the to-do list down, turn off your phone and sit quietly for five minutes. No distractions. No music. Lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from the family if you have to, but find the place that is quiet inside of your head and hang out there. Deep breaths. Tell the monkey mind to zip it and call upon your more evolved, more loving, more spiritually evolved self. Put your hand on your belly and tune in to your Inner Wisdom, your Intuition, your Higher Self.
Listen closely to what that still, small voice has to say.
