We love the story of life as a road. (Success is a ladder. Time is ever marching forward.)
But we know it’s not true.
We are on shifting sands, sliding forward and backward and sideways and diagonally in our thinking, our feeling, our learning and our lives.
Time swirls about us endlessly; effortlessly sweeping us back to That Day in the Third Grade…That Picnic by the Lake…That Long and Horrible Night…no, certainly time is the most unreliable of all the unreliables.
If we think of our lives as being linear, we cheat ourselves out of the fullness of our experience.
Plus, it’s that foolish linear thinking that leads to self-immolating thoughts like, “I should be more successful by now” and “Look, that person is more successful than I am.”
We know these thoughts are lies, too, but if you only measure by the clock it is all too easy to slip those lies into your pocket and carry them around as part of your belief about yourself.
The more we learn about our art (our love), the less we know.
The longer we live on this earth, the more the years seem to pass in a day.
As our fortunes rise and fall, the more we recognize that money and status are no more accurate a marker of success than a new crop of tomatoes or a big hug from an eight-year old.
Today, challenge yourself to notice the ways in which your life is a gyre, moving in many looping directions all at once. And how that is good and meet.
Here’s a great question I’ve gotten a bunch recently — it gets phrased different ways, like…
“What would a daily schedule look like for me as an independent artist?”- K.
“How to complete things and avoid being overwhelmed?” – J.
“Should you focus on one goal or several?” – Daddio
“Help! How to plan so I’m not just responding to the urgent?!” – C.
“Guidance on sticking with one project while so many new ideas call for action”- K.
Here’s my answer: I wonder if this is actually a problem for you.
Or to put it another way….
Here’s my other answer: What result are you seeking that you are currently not getting?
The thing is, creative people have a lot of weird ways of getting things done. Ways that look completely bananas to the outside world. It’s like we’re the rheumy-eyed uncles who drink and smoke and say rude things and somehow end up living healthy as a horse until the age of 102. We’re an anomaly.
Not knowing the details of your work or your habitual pitfalls, it’s hard for me to give you specific advice, so I’ll just pull back the curtain and let you in on what I do:
I don’t really keep a regular schedule. I work when I want to work, or when it’s needful for me to work, and I goof off the rest of the time. I spend an inordinate amount of time learning, reading, listening to audios, and a shocking amount of time just having conversations with people I find interesting. I’m not very good about setting time limits or about “balance” in my life — whatever that’s supposed to mean.
I often go through long weeks when, much to my frustration, it seems like nothing is happening. In those times I remind myself that every field must lay fallow.
At other times I’m scheduled up to my eyeballs and I’m an absolute whirling dervish of productivity.
I pretty much always DO do the following:no electronics on Sundays
no electronics in the bedroom
generally I’m done by 7pm and then I’m off all night
walk or swim every day
meditate every day
make a list each morning of the THREE things that MUST get done that day
keep a running list of the bajillion of other things that need doing
keep a “genius” folder for great ideas that I’m not ready to move forward on yet
I find that I work better when I have a few big projects going simultaneously. But “a few” meaning 3-5… not 12-30, you know?
Otherwise, I’ve learned to trust myself and to go with the flow. Some days I’m craz-zay-zee productive. Some days I go back to bed at 11am. Some days I write, some days I do the money stuff, some days I plan long-term, some days I putter and piddle the whole day away.
Now, I know a lot of very successful people who lead far more regimented lives than this, and I admire them.
And if you are NOT getting the results in your life that you want, well….you may want to try imposing some more structure on your day. BUT ONLY IF YOU KNOW YOURSELF TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO RESPONDS WELL TO STRUCTURE. You know what I mean?
But make sure you do it in the way that works for YOU. So if you’re all energetic in the morning, schedule your hardest tasks for then. Eat your broccoli first, as it were.
And if you know that you only write well without interruptions, then for heaven’s sake, turn off your phone when you sit down to compose.
So my message is this: Put Down The Whip.
You don’t need to be better than you are.
You’re a strange bird, and you’re going to have to surf your schedule in whatever way seems right to you.
My guess is you probably don’t have to work any harder than you do already, but you may have to learn to work smarter. And that may mean saying “no” to people who are time-sucks, turning your back on household tasks and keeping your focus on your highest-income producing activities.
“Help me get my 15 minutes! Life is so busy. The kids, dog and husband need so much! I’m going crazy.” – K.H.
“Do you know how to squeeeeeeeze a few more hours out of a day? LOL – C.C.
Here is my not-kidding answer:
DO LESS STUFF.
That’s right. You heard me.
Do less.
And here’s an exercise to show you HOW to do that:
1) Write down all of the activities that you typically do in a day, like, say…
drive car pool
laundry
pay bills
make phone calls
write
work out
get the mail
read
work with clients
play with the kids
plan upcoming travel
coordinate volunteers/charity work
grocery store
cook supper
watch TV
2) Now, put an asterisk next to the tasks that ONLY you can do. Using our previous list that would be something like:
write
work out
read
work with clients
play with the kids
3) Find some way to get those other items off your plate.
You may need to hire someone, you may be able to simply ask some of the other grown-ups in your life for help. Teach the kids to do the laundry and get a co-chair to work with the volunteers.
Yes, you will have to get over some of your perfectionism – nobody else is going to do as good of a job cooking dinner or sorting the laundry as you do. But guess what? You have bigger fish to fry.
Your creative life is never going to take precedence over your quotidian life unless you make it happen.
Let me say this one more time:
The work that only you can do, you must do.
The work that anyone can do, someone else must do.
And if you’d like some help strategizing & executing, please consider working with me one-on-one and fill out my VIP Application here: http://bit.ly/VIPapp
We know we’re not going to get everything done today that we would like to get done.
We know that we’re probably not going to get it done tomorrow, either.
So rather than walking around feeling bad about all the stuff we know we’re not going to get to, let’s do some strategic thinking about “the list” itself.
We’ve discussed before the the idea of moving your highest-income producing activities to the top of the list (http://sambennett.wpengine.com/?s=highest+income+producing+activities) and I still find that to be a useful tactic.
But what about eliminating some of the non-income producing activities entirely? (I know – there goes your chances for being crowned Queen Perfectly Doing Everything…)
Seriously – what could just go? And I don’t just mean delegate, I mean eliminate.
For example:
– Alison has an online grocery delivery service do the bulk of her weekly food shopping. Yes, this deprives her of the opportunity to squeeze her own melons, so to speak, but it saves this working mother at least 2 hours a week of parking, shopping and schlepping.
– Nancy quit Facebook. Cold turkey. Probably gained her an extra 6-9 hours per week.
– Jessica quit her church choir. “I loved the singing,” she said, “But I was not loving the 2-hour rehearsal each Thursday night. Being home with my family instead means we’ve started a weekly game night – Bananagrams! – and now in church on Sundays I get to just relax and enjoy church.” So she gained two hours plus not having to be there early on Sunday – probably three hours a week.
– I put my husband in charge of all national and international events. I do skim the front section of the newspaper each day with one eye half-closed, just to stay abreast of the general news trends. But I realized that don’t really want to take the time to learn all the details. Plus, I find the details depressing. But my husband reads everything cover to cover and is well-informed about almost everything and so, when I find myself wondering about what’s actually going on in Tunisia, I just ask him. It’s very refreshing to remain deliberately under-informed in this world of the non-stop news cycle. How much time do I save? Maybe ten minutes a day plus a whole lot of brain space.
– David sent out a hilarious post-holiday email to his family and friends saying something to the effect of, “Dear Ones, A better father would probably be able to get his kids to write thank-you notes. But I’m not that guy. So please accept this generic email as a sign of our sincerest thanks for the gift/card/well-wishes you sent/made/delivered. We really like/appreciate/use it a lot. We love you. Sincerely…” This single dad’s big savings was in deciding to quit nagging his kids. Again, some gain in time, probably, the bigger gain was in his newly-peaceful approach toward his kids.
So what could you just give up on?
HINTS:
1) Look in the areas of your life where there are a lot of “shoulds” going on in your head.
2) Be willing to sacrifice some pleasure for a greater good. All of the activities above were at least somewhat pleasurable – Alison loves food and cooking, Nancy loved Facebook, Jessica loved her choir, I love being well-read and David loves having polite kids. But what if the gain in time or peace of mind is greater than the pleasure factor?
3) Is the gain in time or peace of mind greater than the ego gratification? (This is a biggie – so be gentle but firm with yourself in your answer to this one.) After all, it can feel pretty good to know that, “you did everything yourself, ” or that “you stay connected online,” or that “you sing,” “you’re informed,” “you appear to have perfect kids.” Your ego could take quite a hit, here. But there is great freedom in stepping down off the moral high ground.
4) I would not eliminate anything in the arena of personal care. The time you spend working out, meditating and getting your hair cut is a valuable investment in your appearance and your self-respect. Clearly, this is just my big ol’ opinion (and I suppose if you’re spending an hour blow-drying your hair every morning or two hours a week at the manicurist keeping up your elaborate acrylics, you could consider an adjustment there…) but I really want you to keep your self feeling good and looking current. Not necessarily dressed in cutting-edge fashion, but in a style that is neat, clean, well-fitted to your lifestyle and, you know, from this decade.
5) Try it before you decide. Consider eliminating something for a week or a month before you cut it out entirely. After all, if you really miss it, you can always go back to it.
We love the story of life as a road. Success is a ladder. Time is ever marching forward.
But we know it’s not true.
We are forever on shifting sands, sliding forward and backward and sideways and diagonally in our thinking, our feeling, our learning and our lives. Time swirls about us endlessly; effortlessly sweeping us back to That Day in the Third Grade…That Picnic by the Lake…That Long and Horrible Night…no, certainly time is the most unreliable of all the unreliables.
If we think of our lives as being linear, we cheat ourselves out of the fullness of our experience.
Plus, it’s that foolish linear thinking that leads to self-immolating thoughts like, “I should be more successful by now” and “Look, that person is more successful than I am.” We know these thoughts are lies, too, but if you only measure by the clock it is all too easy to slip those lies into your pocket and carry them around as part of your belief about yourself.
The more we learn about our art (our love), the less we know.
The longer we live on this earth, the more the years seem to pass in a day.
As our fortunes rise and fall, the more we recognize that money and status are no more accurate a marker of success than a new crop of tomatoes or a big hug from an eight-year old.
Today, challenge yourself to notice the ways in which your life is moving in many looping directions all at once. And how that is good and meet.
photo: “first tomato of spring” from The G-tastic 7’s photostream on flickr used by Creative Commons license
We love the story of life as a road. Success is a ladder. Time is ever marching forward.