Sometimes when you make a big change in your life, all hell breaks loose around you.
I mean, here you are, all pumped up from your brand-new and exciting decision to…
….leave your overworked/underpaid job
….start taking better care of yourself
….clear your clutter
….start charging what you’re worth
….actually work on your creative project for 15 minutes every day
And you’re feeling so good and brave!
You feel joyful and excited and have butterflies in your stomach!
And then….
And then….
And then…
someone you love gets sick (hospital sick)
or
you get fired (and you were going to quit anyway, but wow…fired???!!)
or
your lover gets mad (ugly mad)
or
your house falls apart (the roof literally caves in)
or
or
or
And it really seems like there is no way you can possibly follow through on your new commitment to your self, your creativity and your prosperity.
It really seems like you must abandon your new decision and go back – at least for a little while – to the way things were.
But please please don’t.
You Must Keep Your Resolve — Especially When It Seems Impossible.
These Troubles Are A Kind Of A Test.
Now I’m not saying that you should ignore the sick person or leave your lover or fail to fix the house.
I’m saying you’ve got to manage these “Helena Handbasket Moments” in A NEW WAY.
Welcome to Transformation-Induced Chaos.
When you think about it, it’s no surprise there’s so much turmoil — you are changing and growing at lightening speed and you’re going to get some splashback, right?
So the secret is not to take all this chaos as a sign to revert to your old behavior.
Sam’s Slightly Counter-Intuitive Two-Fold Remedy for Transformation-Induced Chaos
The two-fold trick to managing this might seem a bit counter-intuitive:
1) Focus first on yourself and your well-being
2) Focus on the money
So for #1, make sure that you are calm, rested, fed and centered. Nothing good happens when you are running around undernourished in any sense of the word.
Take time for your art, for your spiritual work and for the things that bring you joy. In this way, you’ll be able to negotiate the pesky “circumstances” of your life. (And yes, even the IRS, the threat of divorce and the shadow of bankruptcy is just a circumstance — it’s no reason to lose your balance : )
And for #2, keep your eye on your highest-income producing activities.
Stand firm in your rate increase.
Refuse to work cheap.
Draw a firm boundary around your creative-work time each day.
Celebrate your daily successes AND keep it up!
You will be much better able to help yourself and the people in your life if you are bringing in a healthy income.
(Please note: bringing in a healthy income will not suddenly turn you into a money-grubber, a shallow, materialistic person, nor will it take away from your street cred as a “real” artist. It will simply give you the freedom to make new choices.)
So while it may seem “selfish” to be out getting new clients when your family is in crisis, it’s actually an act of compassion. You are putting your own oxygen mask on first.
And it may seem “irresponsible” to keep your meditation time each morning when your lover is so upset, but it’s actually an act of true love. You are nourishing the love within yourself so you can better share it with another.
And while others may rush to judge you and your new priorities, their criticism is just a light breeze blowing by as you walk, run, rush pellmell or stagger into your new life.
Keep your eye on your prize.
What’s the prize?
A satisfying creative life filled with love.
How to change your life without running-around-crazy-like-your-hair’s-on-fire – aka – how to stay serene and joyful while you change the world is a bit of a challenge.
But if you’re ready for the chaos and you stand firm and fight, you can find a gateway to a whole new kind of heaven.
Oh Sam, as usual, you put your finger right on what happens for me! I’ve definitely been experiencing some Helena Handbasket moments recently! *rueful chuckle* For me, I’ve been realizing that I can keep in motion better if I’m working WITH someone else. So creating — and following through on — partnerships, is a good path for me. Finding people to do masterminds with, or handhold me while I sort through another box of that junk that’s taking up space in my life and my mind. Or even just finding someone to have tea with. Anything so I’m not stewing in my own over-processed thoughts! It’s always easier to keep commitments to me, if they are ALSO commitments to someone else. 😉
Thanks for your wisdom as always, Sam!
Good noticing, Dawn! I find that working with other like-minded people (who won’t let me get away with anything less than my best) is the key to my success, too. Hooray for the tribe! – S.
Love what you have shared here, Sam! Seems like you are talking to me, personally. Moving forward with renting out my home (a tough thing to do, yet I am downsizing, without my hubby) and finding a new, lovely place that I connect with. It’s been: scary, sad and frustrating, yet I continue to feel gratitude (really helps my confidence and joy frequencies!) and my mantra helps, too: I want an eaaaasy life with joy, love, health and wealth.
Ruthie — you are doing SUCH beautiful work — and thank you so much for sharing this. I know you inspired someone with your story today. Here’s to EASE! – Sam.
Hi Sam, thankyou so much for your Helena Basket blog.
I can really relate to it!!
I bought a shed for an Art Studio but instead it has become the place of box storage!
Oh, so many boxes to sort through!!
My art and craft stuff is in the shed somewhere!
Kind regards Karen
Sam, I love what you said about sticking to your new price, because we are worth it. And what Dawn says above is so true. I’ve been collaborating with another musician for only about a month, but it does make me more responsible to myself as well, because I don’t want to disappoint Suz, who is a real, working professional musician and she holds me to a very high standard. Yea, Suz Doyle! Trust your Tribe, for sure.
Thanks for being there, Samantha, and now that I know about your blog, I’ll be here more often.
Absolutely you are worth it! Like I always say: Double your prices & offer a money-back guarantee. You’ll be delighted by the results, I promise. So glad to know you’re sticking with your creative practice, Billie! – S.
Oh SAM! this was SO perfect today. After getting a talking to from you on the money thing call about my unsustainable working/parenting balancing act, I’ve decided to start cutting back with my client who can’t really afford me and start expanding the teeny biz that has been my creative baby. My parents had offered to make a small investment to give me a boost forward (for supplies & materials) and I finally decided to jump off the cliff and take the help.
Thank goodness nothing has gone horribly wrong (knock wood!) but now every set back starts to feel like a “Helena Handbasket” moment. Thanx for naming it for me and for a little tailwind to keep me floating gently to the amazing space at the bottom of the cliff =)
Robin~ in LA
Good for you, Robin! And yes – see the difficulties as challenges, opportunities and small tests of will and soon you will have sailed through the grey clouds into clear water! – S.
wow…do you have a cam in my house? are you reading my email?
I have 2 friends fighting for life in the hospital and it feels like I can think of nothing else.
I was actually feeling guilty for enjoying just a moment of this beautiful day.
wait…are you psychic…
Very timely indeed. Thank you, Jené
Jene – I am so sorry for your friends’ struggle; I will keep all of you in my prayers. (Which is a great strategy if you find yourself worrying all the time – just switch gears from worry to prayer.) And I’m not saying there’s a hidden camera in your house…but you might want to reconsider those draperies… : ) – Sam.
Hmm…You are not kidding. Helena came for a quick visit last night and this morning, and I had to ask her to leave. She simply sucks all my life energy and I need that more than ever now. It seems she’s staying nearby because she keeps trying to come over for coffee or to tuck me into bed. Today I am prepared. After work: meditation, yoga, elliptical, then a nice long bath. I wonder if she comes around more when I have big success because it sure feels that way lately. I am bringing my C game to everything that isn’t MY work today. So far, everyone, including me is happy with my performance.
Thank you for the constant reminder. I need it!
Gillian – I think you’ll get a kick out of this – I just read this GREAT solution for when the “Helena” negative voices get loud — just think, “Oh, look, there’s a ferocious tiger wandering around my mind.” It’s enough to keep you from identifying with or engaging in the destructive thoughts, plus it kind of cracks me up. TIGERS! – s. (Special credit to Vernon Howard for the tiger thing)
Lightbulb moment! “You are putting your own oxygen mask on first.” Great analogy! I’ve only begun to realize that putting myself first sometimes- before my family, before my students, before my commitments, is necessary…can’t help them until I’ve helped myself!
Really enjoy your writing; thank you for sharing your wit!
Shine on!
Kelley
It’s amazing how simple yet radical that “your own oxygen mask first” idea is, huh? And I’m here to tell you, once you make YOUR well-being a priority, everything else starts to fall into place. Seems “selfish” according to our programming (or at least my programming) but it’s actually the most generous, loving thing you can do for the world. Thanks so much, Kelley. – s.
Thanks Samantha ..you could be on my shoulder your words speak so clearly to me!
Transformational chaos for me is when my situation gets really gnarly and driven by the crisis I make decisions to change. Along the way I use journals as a way to collect ideas , words, images and thoughts that pop up during the day. I’ve filled up about 5 or 6 as I’ve morphed from a cow veterinarian, rural business manager/leader, sales consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics and now and now ..lurching from one stepping stone to the next.I think being in tune with feedback is useful..not necessarily other peoples but your own. If you feel lighter more energised and happier then its the universe or God saying that yes you’re on the right track. Rather like a gyroscope in the nose of a rocket guiding it through space..if you know what I mean 🙂
I LOVE that idea, Jane! I’m going to start my own “transformational chaos” notebook right now — thank you. – Sam.
Thanks for this Sam! Exactly what I needed to read right now! I’m in the midst of the transformational chaos. I left my overworked/underpaid job 3 months ago and focused on going into business for myself, creating a transformational center and spiritual retreat. In those 3 short months, I have lost all funding for my business, my ceiling is literally caving in at home, and my relationship with my husband is suffering because of the lack of income. On several occasions, I have thought about “going back”. When I get in this mode of thinking, the universe always gives me a signal to keep going! Today you were that signal! Thank you so much!
hi sam! yes, transformational chaos! in my day job, one of the subcontractors i work with went directly to a client to do a job. it isn’t so much the loss of the income that bothered me, it’s the betrayal that bummed me out. had a cry. then course corrected and thought about what kind of people i really want to work with and for, and they are out there! willing people, honest people, awesome people. in the midst of the chaos, i felt this was a message, a big message, from the universe to keep focusing on what i really want to be doing. the art. the writing. and keep doing it, expanding it. and just like you said, i switched the focus to my well being, and on income making. and suddenly, another subcontractor showed up who will charge me half what the first contractor charged me. kind of amazing. with that relief in hand, i sat down and worked all day yesterday on an art project. thanks sam! you rock!
GREAT story, Annie — thank you so much for sharing. Keeping your eye on the big picture isn’t easy, especially when your feelings are hurt, but you are exactly right: the world NEEDS your art! – S.
Hi Sam,
When life was snowballing into overwhelming events, I found myself depleted by giving away all my energy and attention to helping others. During that difficult time I was learning Reiki healing, and offering it to others. I have since learned how vital it is to love myself enough to practice some kind of daily self-care practice. For me, it is Reiki practice. Practicing self-Reiki is the fastest way I know to get myself back in balance, and feeling better.
Thank you for this post, I found the content very inspirational!
Thank you so much, Sandra. I know so many people that have been helped by Reiki — thanks for spreading the love! – Sam.
This WAS MY DAY yesterday… I was sitting stewing over a situation were I felt my artistic value was being taken for granted and needed to make a decision on turning down an opportunity even though everyone would think it was crazy. And your email pops up. I was desperately trying not to just cry in my chair at work because everything you wrote was so on target, and crying at work is against my personal rules. The car, however, in the parking lot is free game! So, I got fired up. I thought, “I’m going to say no to this project that is wrong for me. I need the money, but not the unhappiness. If I just pause I know I can make money without being miserable.” And then this morning, I sold a personal painting that I loved making. So, I feel like the universe is saying “people DO like your work. So go for it!” Thank you for pointing out that taking care of ourselves isn’t selfish. It’s necessary.
Wonderful, Amy! Both the tears and the sale. Well done you. – Sam.
It’s funny. I saw your email this morning and thought it was regarding my old home town. I literally lived in Helena. I left two years ago from the literal location, but I still visit it figuratively on a far too regular basis. My preferred therapy choice is theatre (watching it and working it) and just recently, tap dancing class. I appreciate the tips on your blog so I can make those trips a bit less frequently, and start giving my art and myself the attention it deserves instead of stuffing it in the Helena Handbasket. Thanks again.
Wonderful, Wendy! I spent some time in Helena, too — lovely country up there. But the metaphorical place? Yes, better to leave that behind. Good luck with the theatre and tap dancing (how fun!) – Sam.
Hello Sam,
I just began to actually honor myself truly and realize that I am not a bad person. I have been feeling down for so long and now, with this new commitment to loving me and putting me first, I feel so happy and all is changing around me for the good. Thank you for your emails!
Hooray for you, Maryellen! I can see how loveable you are — and I’m so glad you’re starting to enjoy yourself and enjoy your precious life. Keep me posted, OK? – Sam
Great article. Almost two years ago to the day, I was abruptly laid off (read: FIRED) from an excellent job that paid well, had all the sparkly things going on from the outside but from the inside, I was dying inside. Crying on Sunday night because the week was about to start….melancholy on Friday because the weekend was so short. The melodrama. Yet, I was stunned when I was laid off. I had been recruited for this job, left my cozy life in Sausalito and San Francisco where I’d been for 15 years and took the jump off the ledge because all signs lead to this adventure in this small town in southern Oregon. Wrong! And right. Within 24 hours of my new job, I knew in my heart the company was wrong for me, or I was wrong for the company. Fast forward, I made friends in my new town, started loving their fabulous weather and relaxed happy way of living, started painting, saving money, paying off debt, meeting fabulous people, traveling…but still in the “Job from Hell” as I called it (really Universe, am i surprised I was fired??). When it all unraveled, and it unravelled fast and ugly and small town gossipy, I was devastated. Relationships I thought had been solid, evaporated overnight. Blood was thicker than water in this small town family business. So, I spent 2-3 months very sad and depressed, isolated, fearful of running into people I knew (emphasis on SMALL town) and scared shitless about my next move because my safe option of moving back to the Bay Area was gone because I couldn’t afford it anymore. During my frustration with my job, I had begun chronicling my paintings, declaring to my blog readership of 10 people that I would do 100 paintings in 100 days. I did NOT accomplish that but I did do all 100, maybe in about year and half? A lot of these paintings were very bad, the point being, that there is a quote saying you don’t know who you are as a painter/artist/anything-er until you do 100 pieces. (There is an actual eloquent quote that says this much better.) Okay. So I did that because I really loved painting and did it poorly but didn’t care. My career background was gift and stationery and if there was anything I knew how to do and knew how to do kind of on a dime, was create a greeting card. From an image. And guess what, I had over 100 of them just lying around! So July 2013, I launched my greeting card company, Carpe Diem Papers on a wing and a prayer and lord please let this order go through on this credit card. No outside help, no office, no staff, me and my cat, a lap top, a printer and a knowing I must do this thing that had been in my heart for, honestly, my entire life. Fast forward again 2 years: I don’t drive a Porsche with CRPDM plates buzzing around town because business has exploded. It’s been a series of real struggles, joys, disappointments, small and large victories but all of them are mine. My life is a little unconventional, a lot of what I affectionately call “growth opportunities” but it is mine and feels real and true to me and I could cry at the years I did not spend being plugged into my own socket. But I’m here now. The storm was worth it.
AMEN! Amen! Amen! And Glory Hallelujah! The road to our life’s work is neither straight nor pretty, but if we just keep walking, it gets us there. And I agree – the joy of running your own successful business (successful on your OWN terms) is just about the best feeling ever. Well done you! – S.
Thank you for a wonderful article! So true for all of us and I will keep it in mind the next time chaos hits. “This too shall pass” is always good to remember too while staying hopeful at those times.
Thank you so much, Nadia!
Thanks for this great message! I’ve been very slow at making the leap and I’m sure my heritage comes from the snail family. I had a death in the family this year and caring for another and it makes me wonder how can I possibly make this happen. A few things keep me going. One, I realize “this is temporary” even when it doesn’t feel like it. I do my best to take at least some time daily for me. As things started to become overwhelming for me (I was even late paying a bill which I NEVER EVER do. Me? Unorganized?), I let myself have a mini meltdown but then snap out of it and move on. Okay, I fixed that one and tomorrow was and is another day. I do what I can to just focus on the now to get through, and maybe this isn’t my Pleasantville time, but things are starting to balance a bit more and I can even take a moment to share and comment on a blog. I think I’m coming back. Get moving, snail! I’ll meet you near the finish line. Mary
Yes yes yes! Keep going — even the tiniest baby steps matter. – S.
Yes, it seems that major change also invites big tests of will, patience, and presence. All the most important skills and practices are hardest when sh!t gets real. But those hard times are when we need it even more, and they’re the times when we’re most likely to skip all the self-care. Thanks so much for the reminder!!
Exactly! thanks so much, Marie : )
Hello Sam,
I’m kind of going through that type of situation now. I’m just now starting to do my business on my own and even though it’s my first time really stepping out and moving away from the 9-5 lifestyle that I’ve been doing all my life. It feels good stepping out of my comfort zone and keeping my eyes on the prize and continuing to keep on moving and really taking a leap with faith. I whole heartedly believe that this road will be well worth the risk. Nothing in life cannot be achieved without hard work and determination. So thank you for putting up this post. Because my mission is to help all that I can so that I can help change the world, one person at a time. God is my rock and I know that all things can happen with a dream, passion, and an effort.
Thanks again for that post. I know to keep going in the direction that I’m going in.
Well done, L.! Keep going! – s.
So glad to read everybody else also thought you were talking about them. When I was absolutely, positively ready to get moving a couple of months ago, I woke up with a paralysed face and was whisked off in an ambulance. Oh very good, ferocious Tiger, very good! Now you’ve shown us it’s just ole Helena, I can laugh at her distraction attempts and crack on with my big vision. Thank you Sam x
Yes, yes! Good for you, Lisa. Congratulations on persevering (no matter what your face is up to : ) And I’m so glad you’re well again. – S.
Mercifully, it was not a stroke (as was feared) but just Bell’s Palsy … wonky face syndrome! A shed load of high dose steroids and, I may be totally pooped, but I’m symmetrical ????
Thanks for this, Sam – it comes at a good moment: while I am in the process of negotiating with a long time student who is asking for more of my services, but doesn’t seem to want to pay for them. I am not budging, tho! I know my work is worth the cost! …But it’s still a bit demoralizing when someone I’ve worked with for so long doesn’t seem to appreciate the value of what she is asking for.
Stacye – your ideal clients will never quibble about money. Your less-than-ideal clients will ALWAYS quibble about money. Stand firm in your value. If this client goes away, I guarantee you will find another, better one who knows that thanks to your commitment, your smarts and your talent, you are a BARGAIN 🙂 Let me know how it goes, OK? Thanks for commenting – S.
Wow! Thank you so much for this. I am in the middle of a transformational chaotic situation and reading your article Sam has really helped. Having worked in a addiction treatment centre for 15 years believing I was doing a good job though a little frazzled at the ends, low and behold my staff decide that they have grievances against me! I wouldn’t mind but in 15 years no warnings or reprimands, why wait until now? Lies and more lies meant that I am now suspended, it has been over a month. They want me out and they don’t care how they do it. Painfully seems to work best for them. Anyway, after reading what you said, I have decided to fight. I have not been taking care of myself. No interest in food, lost about 20 pounds. I’m feel tired, beaten and bruised. I knew I should’ve left a long time ago. My creativity has been stifled and envy and jealousy are not people I wish to spend time with. They have offered a severance package which is insulting, so I will fight for what I am worth. It is beyond belief that people you work with day in and day out, who smile sweetly at you, also have the capacity to cause you deep pain. My faith has grown and for that I am grateful. There really is a universal force of love and light that nothing can taint. Thank you.
Hi Samantha, your blog post really struck a cord with me: I am not struggling as much, but I left my job and I am sometimes thriving and sometimes dreading the infinite possibilities in front of me.
And I am taking care of myself first, in order to be centred and loving with the ones I love.
Thank you for your words.
Una
Yes, Una! Stay centered, so you can better serve the ones you love.
Girrrl! Helena showed up at my door last week and started working on my head–exactly when I jumped off the edge.
I suddenly realized that a writer who decides to build an author business does not need advice about getting interviews with “the right resume”. I got dizziness; headaches; heart palpitations; greying out; blurry vision. All the usual signs I recognize as anxiety. I’m trying to regain control, stop snacking and spiking my blood sugar. So this is what the very act of changing feels like. This is what goes on in the cocoon. I’m butterfly mush! But unlike all the other times I tried this I am determined to succeed this time. Someday soon I will have wings.
Oh, Edia – I feel you. The only thing to do is to try to stay alert and aware of your patterns, exercise extreme self-compassion, and keep trying. You’ll get there. Baby steps! – S.
This email has been sitting in my inbox for days, and today I read it in full, and it was today that I needed it. I am in transformational chaos right now, I intuitively sensed that I cannot revert to my old ways but this is so unfamiliar and unknown to me that it feels like I am temporally standing still. I will continue to embrace the transformation. Thank you x
I totally get this, Sam. I’ve experienced so many periods of transformational chaos. I was making a big shift a few years ago, then the pandemic happened, my husband got diagnosed with cancer, and helping my elderly father turned into a horribly draining and difficult part-time job. Self care became one of my top priorities, as did working on my novel, which was the thing my heart needed the most. I don’t get blindsided by this kind of chaos the way I used to. Maybe in a way I’m ready for it and have my coping strategies in place just in case. In meditation a few months ago, I was invited to live as Stillness in Motion. I almost laughed, knowing that as soon as I said yes, I’d have plenty of opportunities to practice my commitment. Sure enough, I did. And all is well.
Barbara – you are gift to the world and a living example of why it’s so important to keep your art and your wellbeing front and center.