Having Trouble Communicating With An Overworked Partner?
This totally made me puddle up. I think Audrey sets a fine example for us all 🙂
“Hi Samantha!
I am on your email list and receive your beautiful poems and ideas.
I just wanted to thank you cause those emails have been inspiring for me.
I recently wrote something for my boyfriend that I titled: In Praise of The Stressed Worker inspired by your poems and that was the only way I could reach his heart. Everything else didn’t work but that poem that I did – more for me in honor of him – really spoke to him.
So thank you for the inspiration and also for all the love and understanding of others.
Thank you,
Audrey”
When everything starts to feel out of control, it’s easy to get hard. Hard-headed, hardhearted and hard to get along with.
When we get rigid, we often try to exert some autocratic form of control (“Get into bed right now, young lady!”) which leaves everyone feeling alone and depleted.
Next time your world starts spinning, take a deep breath and concentrate on softening your heart.
Let me know what happens, OK?
You do have time to work on your projects. You’re just spending it on something else.
Which is fine.
Be aware that you are making the choice and be clear about your decision. No one is victimizing you. No one else is in charge of your time.
“But I have a boss! And kids! And a spouse!” I know. Me, too. And there’s the animals and the paperwork and the garden and the basement and the church and the family and the car repair and the dinner party and the charity event and the choir concert and the business to run. And that’s just this weekend.
But still – there are snatches of time that are your own. You can wake up 15 minutes earlier. You can ask someone else in the house to prepare supper so you might work for 15 minutes. You can turn off the TV for one sitcom. Even grabbing five-minute increments at work is better than nothing.
I know it’s not easy to ask other people to change their routine to accommodate your need to be an artist. But it is worth the discomfort.
And if you feel that you truly can’t, then you can’t, so quit giving yourself such a hard time about it.
Admit to yourself with a full and humble heart that now is not a good time for you to be working on your project. Mentally set your project in a file folder labeled, “Next Summer” or “After the First of the Year” or whatever and seal it with a kiss.
You are doing an excellent job of living your life. No one could possibly do a better job.
Be proud of your decisions.
I notice that you being hard on yourself doesn’t help you get more done. You criticizing yourself doesn’t help you learn and grow. You dwelling on your perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help you be a creative person.
In fact, it makes everything worse.
Being hard on yourself depletes your energy.
Being hard on yourself discourages you from taking action.
Being hard on yourself makes every idea an opportunity for punishment. (“Why didn’t you think of that sooner?” “You should have done that already!” “What’s this – another idea that you won’t finish?”)
Treating yourself as though you are some unreliable and troublesome child who must be constantly watched (“Heaven knows WHAT she’ll do if we take our eyes off her for even just one second”) is completely counter-productive.
I might also point out that you being hard on other people (criticizing, dwelling on their perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help anything either. In fact, it makes things worse.
So just for today, be tender with yourself.
Give yourself a sincere compliment and don’t then immediately talk yourself out of it.
Look around your life and notice all the parts of it that are truly, truly wonderful.
Being gentle with yourself and others is not a cop-out: rather, it is the only way out of the destructive spirals of procrastination, perfectionism and self-loathing.
You are no longer a child. You are not trying to get out of math quiz. You don’t fake it. If your body is telling you that you are tired, listen.
And even if you have the impulse that you MIGHT be faking it – that’s important information, too.
About once a month I teach a 4-day intensive at Sam Christensen Studios (www.SamChristensen.com) and I finally had to make it a policy that I keep the day after we end free of appointments and obligations. While it panics me slightly to do so (how can I take a day off! I’ve been in a workshop for four days! I’m so far behind in my work! Eeeep!) I have learned that if I do NOT take the day off, I will pay for it all week.
In other words: one day of rest equals a whole week of productivity. And “pushing through” leads to several days of exhaustion and poor quality of life.
Where can you rest? What deadlines could you move? What projects could you set aside for now?
Want to get truly radical? Rest BEFORE you get tired.
Also known as: fill up the gas tank before it hits “E.”
Now excuse me, please – I’m going to go take a nap.
Applause isn’t about you.
Applause is something the audience needs to express to in order complete their experience.
Applause is created by them (notice that you can’t really make them do it) and it is created for them. They may think they are applauding you, but really they are applauding to punctuate their own experience – which is great!
Sort of like when you take a bite of a cookie and say, “Yum.”
The “yum” is not for the cookie. The cookie doesn’t care.
The cookie has already done its job of being a fabulous cookie.
The “yum” is for you. The “yum” sets apart this bite from all other bites. It underlines your experience and helps you to understand this particular moment of your life.
So don’t feel shy about graciously accepting praise or applause – you’re doing your audience a favor by welcoming their engagement.
(And the really important part for you is not whether or not people liked or didn’t like what you did, it’s what they liked or didn’t like about it that is significant. The approval means very little. The specific feedback means everything.)
So go ahead and take your bow, because like I said…it’s not really about you.
