Recently, a bunch of the people in Sam’s Pro Club are having huge breakthroughs. They’re all of a sudden making way more money than they’re used to, or they’ve gotten way more people in their classes than they’re used to, or they’re realizing that their marketing is kind of working, cause marketing works.

So, they’re having these things happen, and no sooner does it feel like they’ve made a commitment to doing something differently and everything falls to pieces. Health crisis, financial crisis, car needs four new tires. All kinds of things happen and it can feel like the message is I should change back. I shouldn’t try this new thing. I should step back a little bit. And the fact of the matter is nope, these troubles and these difficulties are the dragons at the gates. And I have a couple of theories about this that I’ve floated over the years.

Theory #1: Shit Happens

My first theory is that in general, life just happens. I am not one of those people who believes like, Oh, you manifested it.

Shit just happens- people get sick, things fall apart. It happens.

But, because you have moved into a new way of being, because you have made a new decision about how you want to be in the world, you’re going to react to it differently. You’re not going to go into your same usual pattern. There’s a crisis in the family, and your pole is to slot right back into that same family role that you always fulfill.

When shit goes wrong, it’s easy to fall back to the comfortable cause that’s where you feel safe. There is a certain safety, even in the behaviors we hate. It still feels safe.

Theory #2: New Pain Is Worse Than Old Pain

My second theory is I think that new pain is worse than old pain. Let me give this example: everybody’s got their physical weakness. There’s some part of your body that if you’re going to get sick or if you’re going to get injured, that’s where it’s going to happen. Mine is my lungs. If I’m going to get sick, it’s bronchitis or pneumonia. Every time. On the other hand, I have a cast iron stomach. I never get an upset stomach.

So, if I start to feel that throaty heavy feeling, I’m like, Oh, it’s bronchitis. I know what this is. I know how to deal with it. It’s not fun, but it’s okay. Upset stomach, however, I’m like what is this, what’s happening to me? Am I dying? I think I might be dying. What is this feeling I’m having? Cause it’s new. So I don’t really know the parameters of the pain yet. I don’t know how long it’s going last or, or how bad it’s going to get.

So when you up-level your life, start to make more money, have more clients, do bigger work in the world, or stand up for yourself a little bit more… and then you get some pushback or you get some fallout or some pain around it, it feels worse. Cause you don’t know what it is yet.

The first troll who comments on your thing is going to devastate you, the first person who asked for a refund, it’s going to devastate you. The first critical remark you get about, Oh, her work is not that great. It’s going to devastate you by the hundred.

And then you’re going to be like, Oh yeah. Some people react that way. Sometimes people ask for a refund. That happens, right?

Here’s what to do: even though the shifts feel really radical, we’re really only making one degree shifts. You are one degree away from everything you want. You are one degree away from everything going perfectly. You are one degree away from being able to bring in exactly the life you want to be leading. And we know that, right? Because first of all, people are pretty consistent. You’re still you- you’re still the person you’ve always been.

But the little one degree shifts- we know this for rocket ships, right? If you do a one degree shift, it’s going to take the rocket ship to a totally different destination. So remember that, even though the shifts feel huge, and they feel huge to tell your family, “Nope, I’m not available on Saturday cause I have to write”… it might feel huge to claim that 15 minutes every day.

One of the ways you want to hang on to who you are is by having a mantra. Having some word or phrase that you can repeat to yourself that you can hang on to when it feels like the crazy town winds are blowing. One we’ve used is that I got from David Nagel is “nothing is more important than my transformation.”

Read the books that nourish you, block out the noises that deplete you, and know that you will get to the other side.

Lately, all you hear is “I don’t know what’s happening. I’m so uncertain. I don’t want to commit because of all the uncertainty.”

You know what? This is not a new level of uncertainty.

The world has always been this uncertain. Ask anyone who’s had a sudden life event, positive or negative. It was always uncertain- we just allowed ourselves to believe that it wasn’t. We just put the padding of schedule and ritual around us so that we could believe that, “Oh, yes, I’ll be around to go to an event in November.”

Oh yes, I’ll have plenty of money to do X, Y, or Z, or to go on this trip or to do this thing. And then, a bomb goes off. An illness strikes, somebody has a baby, you get promoted in your job, your business doubles, all kinds of things happen.

I’m thinking about this fact that that everybody’s sort of walking around, wringing their hands about the certainty issue, when there has never been any certainty. And now we’re just being made more aware of the fact that we’ve never had any certainty. Well, we just need resiliency. Right? You need the ability to bounce back.

Put the time in to manage your thinking, to deal with your feelings, to take ownership of your life, to take a hundred percent responsibility for everything that’s happening. You have to respond to it and you are a hundred percent responsible for how you respond to this external thing. I do not believe we create the circumstances in our lives. It makes me kind of mad when people are like, Oh, I manifested that, Oh, you must’ve brought that to you.

I think the question, how am I a match for this? What resonates for me about this? That’s helpful. But sometimes shit just happens. One of the things that all this self-help work, all this personal development work, all this spiritual development work that I’ve spent my entire adult life doing (and even as a kid) has to do with building resiliency.

It’s not that I’m any less sensitive than I was. It’s not that I’m any less emotional. It’s not that I have less depression or less anxiety. I just bounce back from it quicker. It doesn’t drag me down as deep and I’m able to bounce back more quickly.

It’s the same thing in business. You don’t launch a business thinking you’re going to do everything perfectly. You make a thousand mistakes every day- that’s not even an exaggeration probably. But, your ability to bounce back from it, to keep going to move past it, to turn it into an advantage- that says there will always be more money.

There’s an infinite amount of money in the world. I guess if we started to count, we would eventually stop counting, but for our purposes, it’s infinite- infinite number of ideal clients, infinite amount of money, infinite amount of opportunities.

So you don’t need certainty. You need resiliency.

If I were going to give you one piece of advice, it’s cultivate your resiliency, release those old grudges. Do whatever you gotta do to get over your old stuff. You got to grow your bounce back muscles.

I want to talk about a woman named Vinca Heart. She grew up in East Berlin, and she’s a fascinating person and a really good teacher. At the time, she was teaching a sort of sales strategy- how to talk to people from different backgrounds about stuff in a way that they can hear you a little bit better.

Like I said, she was teaching us specifically for sales. I think it applies to everything. Like I said, I didn’t create this. I learned it from somebody else and it is filled with massive generalizations. So if you’re sitting there thinking Sam, these are massive generalizations. You’re right. They are. But, they can at least be a useful construct to start to think about some of these things.

This is how to convince anyone of anything, more or less. And I’m assuming that you’re using your powers for good.

Working Class

Vinca’s theory was that if you are talking to people from a more working class background, they tend to be pretty straight forward. So, you don’t want your offer or what you’re talking about to seem super complicated or have a lot of gray area. If you’re talking to people of a working class background, they’re used to working hard for their money and so you don’t want it to be too fancy. You don’t want it to seem like too good of an offer. You don’t want to snowball anybody. You want to be pretty straightforward and direct about what the facts are.

If you’re coaching them, if you’re working with them, you might want to help them see that maybe not everything needs to be so hard, that you don’t actually have to work hard for everything. Some things can be easy and that’s okay- money can come easily and that’s okay, or that a person can relax and that’s okay.

Middle Class

For people with a more middle class background, she said they get very concerned about being normal. They kind of want to do what everybody else is doing. They want to move to the suburbs that everybody else is moving to. They want to have the same furniture.

So, this is where you start to see designer labels, right? Because nobody’s ever going to criticize you for having a coach bag. So, it’s about being normal. It’s about being committed.  She said oftentimes, these people will express emotional discomfort as though it’s physical discomfort. If they get emotionally uncomfortable, they’ll start to say, well, it’s very cold in here or this chair isn’t comfortable.

I have absolutely witnessed that, and I thought that was a really astute observation. So, if you are talking to people who have a more middle class background, give them cookies and juice. Make them physically comfortable, and maybe let them know that it’s okay. Let them know that other people have done this thing. Give them a form to fill out. Let them know that this is not too weird, but also you can let them know that it’s okay for them to let their freak flag fly a little bit. Let them know that the parts of themselves that they may think of as weird or not trustworthy or unusual… that it’s okay to let that flower and grow a little bit.

And like I said, these are massive sweeping generalizations, but they’re thought provoking.

Upper Class

The next sort of class of person she talks about is what she calls the Rockefellers, which is people who have a lot of money. And she says, for people who have a lot of money, they are concerned mostly with ethicacy and privacy. They need to know that what you are doing will work and they need to know that you’re not going to spread their business all over town.

So, if you are selling a higher end offer or you’re selling something to higher income people, you don’t need to show them that it’s a good deal (the way you do with working class people) nor do you need to show them that everybody else is doing it (like you do with middle class people). In fact, they will probably be not interested in those two things.

They’re interested in uniqueness. They’re interested in having their own thing, but they are perfectly happy to fly the dog acupuncturists to Hawaii first class, if that’s going to solve the problem. So those people, you really want to meet them head on. You want to make eye contact, shoulder contact, square shoulders, square hips. Let them know that you are trustworthy.

She also said this is often where you see the designer labels start to disappear. The tailoring gets better. The fabrics get better, but the designer labels start to go away for some people. And in my experience of some of the really super rich, they dress like the gardener. I mean, they wear the oldest rattiest things possible, just cause they’re comfortable in that. Unless of course, they’re going to a black tie event, in which case they get the jewels out and all bets are off.

The Fourth Class

She’s talking about these three groups of people and it was all interesting. And then she said, there’s a fourth class. And she said, they’re the creatives, that’s us. They’re the creative class. And she said, the creatives can come from any one of those backgrounds, but they will have kind of been the misfit. They will be the black sheep in that family, which is what I would say. We were the weird kids. Weird kids in our family. We were the weird kids at school. We were weird. Cool maybe, but weird. And she said, when you are talking to creatives, the first thing you need to do…I’ll never forget this.

The first thing you need to do is honor their survivorship.

So that’s what I want to say to you. Congratulations- you survived in a world that is not exactly made for you. In a world in which you often feel like an outsider, that you often have a different perspective on what’s going on than everybody else does- you have survived. You have figured out how to make it work. You have created a niche in the community for yourself. You’ve found this page and this community, this family, and that’s no small thing.

With creative people, you need to let them make their own decisions. With the creative people, I could give you a form, but you’re going to turn it over and start doodling on the back of it.

I know we can’t always tell what somebody’s economic background is. It’s funny- some of my wealthiest friends started out with a very blue collar background and they still behave more like blue collar. Their initial reactions to things are more like a blue collar reaction than a Rockefeller reaction.

For most of the highly creative people, I know we really only have two switches. We only have on and off. It’s very difficult for us to sort of suit up and show up and not care about what’s going on. We have to care- if we don’t care, we won’t show up at all. So, let your heart be in your work and know that nobody can dim your light. Nobody can take away your special. Your creativity has never abandoned you. Not once. Not for one moment. It is right there constantly by your side.

Note the fact that you always smack it around and say like, that’s not a good idea. I can’t do that. What do I think I am? But your creativity just says, I love you. I’m here. I love you.

What is your superpower?

Don’t try to think of an answer. Just sort of let it bubble up, and if nothing bubbles up that’s okay. Something may bubble up later this afternoon or tomorrow morning and in the shower. You know how these things are, you sort of plant the seed and then you bat your eyes and something happens.

So answer the question, what is your super power? You’ll notice your super power is not something you’ve been taught- it’s a natural gift, right? It’s a talent or skill that you were born with. You were like this when you were little, you were like this when you were a teenager. Now you’re a grown up person and the way your super power shows up may be different.

You may have sophisticated your use of it, but it is part of you and it is never going away. It is what you bring into every room you come into. So my question for you is, are you leaning into it? Are you leaning in to your superpower in whatever venue you have to lean into it?

-Are you bringing it with you to work?

-Are you bringing it with you into your family situations?

-Are you bringing it with you into your personal relationships?

-Are you bringing it with you into your relationship with yourself as you try to motivate yourself?

-As you criticize yourself, can you bring your superpower to light to interrupt that personal communication?

-Are you making money from it? Because honestly, this super power you have is the thing you can charge the most for.

You might be thinking- this thing that’s my super power. So easy. It feels weird to charge for it. No, no, this is the thing you can charge the most for because you have a natural facility for it. You process more quickly. It’s easy and fun for you. You can do it with almost unfailing energy.

If I woke you up at three in the morning and said, “Hey, Hey, Hey, you know, we need you to do this thing.”

You’d be like, “yeah, I’m coming. I’m coming.” Right? Because you love doing it because you’re great at it. If there’s a way to put a price tag on it, do so.

Do so because you do it better than everybody else. And you may feel like, well, this is obvious. This is stupid. Everybody can do this.

Oh, no, they can’t. They absolutely cannot.

Just lean into it. Let the ideas sort of follow you around like a balloon today. See if you can notice what other people’s superpowers are, what are the things they bring into every room they come into?

Back to your superpower- are you leaning into it? Are you charging for it? Are you sharing it? Are you talking about it?

Is it on your about page? Is it in your bio? Is it your sign off on your emails? Is it your tagline? Is it a conversation starter?

My mentor/friend,/teacher/work-husband, Sam Christensen, used to talk about this a lot. We did a lot of work on personal branding together. And Sam would say, “you know that when you lean into the truth of who you are, the charismatic light bulb goes on.” It’s true. It’s not bragging.

We know it’s true. When you say it, we feel it. And, it’s the same way you can tell when somebody says something that’s not true about themselves. And you’re like, “Hmm, that doesn’t really land for me.” You get a little suspicious right away. You’re like, “you may think that about yourself, but you’re not really like that.”

But when it’s true, you’re like, “Ugh, you are like that. Oh, I can see it.”

One of the ways to respond to failures, disappointment, discouragement criticism is with your superpower, right? So, lean into your superpower and bring it with you wherever you go.

I don’t know about you, but I got tired of having 47 notebooks to keep track of my life.

I had a journal, a gratitude book, prayer work, calendar, to-do lists, online to-do lists, legal pads… it goes on and on. So, my idea was to try and gather the tools that I actually use to organize my actual life and put them all in one place for you.

I designed The Real Life Planner to manage all the things in your life. This is an actual, spiral-bound book that we’ll send to you in the mail.

Let’s talk about the different pages and their sections.

The Could-Do List

First up, The Real Life Planner has a Could-Do list for each day. Those of you that are familiar with my Get It Done method and have read the book or done the program will know all about this.This list is for everything in your life, from calling your best friend to heading to the farmers market.

First, it asks you for the thing you need to do and tells you to rename it. Call it something fun, because sometimes we don’t want to do something because it has a boring name. For example, Project Dinner Party sounds way better than cleaning off the dining room table. Rename your tasks for maximum fun.

The time element is designed to keep you accountable. If you write something down that you cannot assign a time to, then your project is too big. That is one of the main causes for procrastination. For example, if I put down “write book” that seems impossible- who knows how long that will take. But, if I write “revise chapter 4”, that I can do. If you have projects that aren’t getting done, figure out if it’s too big. Ask yourself if you can chunk it down more and assign a time to it.

The time section is also great for when you’re feeling overwhelmed. A long list can seem daunting, but when there’s a time next to it you can see “oh, that’s only going to be 10 minutes and this is 15, that’s 30… I’ve only got 3 hours worth of stuff here and then I can go to the beach.” Another great reason for having the time on there is for when you have a small block of time before a meeting or appointment. You can say “oh hey, here’s this little 10 minute task- I can squeeze that in.” This way you can chip away at your list and get things done.

There’s also a section to note how much money (in or out) applies to each task. Creating an invoice doesn’t sound fun, but when you know you’ll earn $500 from doing it, that sends it straight to the top of the list. If you want to have more money, you’re going to need to pay attention to the money. That’s why the money’s on there.

The inclination section is really important, because it’ll gauge your interest in the task. Give it a scale from 1-10 of how much you want to do it to see the inclination around your desire. We often have to do a lot of stuff we don’t want to do, and that’s where this becomes important. What do we do when there’s no desire around a task we need to do, like bookkeeping? Ask yourself, is there something I can do to jazz up my desire? You can give yourself a treat after, like spend the day in bed reading or get a new pair of sparkly shoes. This is great because you don’t need to pretend that you are dreading this task- you just have to find a way to make it doable for you. This is a reality check around your desire for each task listed.

Daily Planner Page

The Daily Planner page is mostly blank, but it’s got some really helpful little dots instead of the traditional lines or hour-by-hour breakdown. This way, you can use your planner in the way that works for YOU. You can doodle, list out the busiest parts of your day, and remember everything you’ve accomplished throughout the day. For example, I like to do my prayer work in the morning. This puts my prayer work right into my daily planner, so while I am moving through the day, it stays with me- it’s not just some isolated incident that happened at 6am.

Oh, and those dots are perfectly placed at a half-centimeter apart. The level of detail put into this planner is amazing.

Weekly Self Assessment

The other thing that this planner offers is a weekly self assessment. It’s hard for us to discern progress in our life. So, once a week it asks you some questions to do just that. For example, “What are 5 Things You’re Pleased You Did Last Week?” What can you look back on and say “oh yea, I’m proud of myself for that.” It doesn’t have to be complicated. My list included things like family dinner and going to the beach.

Then it’s got a spot for what you’ve learned that week. Tune into the Critical Rational Voice- that voice in your head that is discouraging you. It’s hard, but you don’t have to ignore it. Write down the thoughts and work through them.

Then, what does your Deep Inner Wisdom Know? This isn’t for airy fairy, post it on your mirror, affirmation stuff like Everything’s Fine or I Can Do It! It’s for things you KNOW about your actual life, like “I keep my commitments” or “I think it’s worth a try- I’d rather try than not try.” What do you know about yourself?

Then it asks for 3 things you could do and what you noticed. Mine says “I love my work”, because well… I love my work!

5 Minute Art Page

The last page is to make some 5 minute art about it, or even 90 second art. It’s about getting whatever hard feelings are getting you stuck… things like anger, resentment, grief, extreme self doubt, depression, all of it, out onto the page. You don’t have to be a good drawer- no one is going to see it. It’s just a way for you to process what you’re feeling.

So, that’s the Real Life Planner! It’s designed to have all the things- your home life, work, spiritual… all in one place. The best part is that while it gives you guidance, you’ll have plenty of space to be creative and really make it your own.

Remember, there is not a right way to be creative. There is not a right way to be productive. There’s just your way. And the best news is that you get to do it your way. You’re a grown up now- no one’s grading, no one’s looking… do it your way. And let the Real Life Planner help you keep it organized so you can celebrate yourself, every day.