I notice that you being hard on yourself doesn’t help you get more done. You criticizing yourself doesn’t help you learn and grow. You dwelling on your perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help you be a creative person.
In fact, it makes everything worse.
Being hard on yourself depletes your energy.
Being hard on yourself discourages you from taking action.
Being hard on yourself makes every idea an opportunity for punishment. (“Why didn’t you think of that sooner?” “You should have done that already!” “What’s this – another idea that you won’t finish?”)
Treating yourself as though you are some unreliable and troublesome child who must be constantly watched (“Heaven knows WHAT she’ll do if we take our eyes off her for even just one second”) is completely counter-productive.
I might also point out that you being hard on other people (criticizing, dwelling on their perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help anything either. In fact, it makes things worse.
So just for today, be tender with yourself.
Give yourself a sincere compliment and don’t then immediately talk yourself out of it.
Look around your life and notice all the parts of it that are truly, truly wonderful.
Being gentle with yourself and others is not a cop-out: rather, it is the only way out of the destructive spirals of procrastination, perfectionism and self-loathing.
Those questions and anxieties that have plagued you your whole life are reflections of a mystery.
So the recurrent thought, “I’m Unlovable” might contain the Mystery of Love, and what it means to love and be loved.
The recurrent thought, “I’m Not As Good As I Should Be” points to the Mystery of Good (what is it? how do we know?) and the Mystery of Should.
And the thought, “I Don’t Belong” might indicate an interest in both the Mystery of “I” and the Mystery of Belonging. (This is one of my personal favorites.)
Instead of fighting, running, ignoring or defying those troubling thoughts, why not just sit with it?
What does the question mean?
Where do you see this question reflected in the culture?
Where is the center or middle of the Mystery?
When have you felt truly on top of this Mystery?
How has your life’s work brought you deeper into this Mystery?
No right answers here…just an opportunity to sit with it.
I thought you all might enjoy both considering this question (and how it does or doesn’t show up in your life) and then answer it for yourself. If your answer differs from mine at all, I’d love to hear it!
Dear Sam,
Hey the topic I wanted to visit at the end of the last session was on creating urgency in my works and life passions. I prefer to be pulled to my works and called to my passions. Inspiration rather than motivation is what I seek. I have many fun projects both short and long term as well as key life goals such as co-creating my soulmate in my life. The closer I seem to get the more resistance shows up in the form of artificially slowing down my actions.
How I can create pull and inspiration on a consistent, eyes on the prize, moment to moment basis is what I believe I am looking for now. I can be fired up for a day or two and then…
I appreciate your input oh wise goddess of GID.
Smiles,
Jim
Author of the upcoming book: Abu-Dance: Dancing with Abundance
Dear Jim –
Great question.
By definition, inspiration is a drawing in of a divine influence – esp. through the breath. So it might help to think of your daily actions as 15 minutes worth of deliberate “breathing” and then all-day worth of noticing your “breathing” whenever it comes up. In other words, maybe you spend 15 minutes on “attracting a soulmate” activities and then spend all day noticing how you are being/becoming the perfect soulmate for the world.
A few more tips:
1) Get a bigger carrot. Tie each action to a truly delightful prize. Acknowledge each tiny victory in some significant way. Reward your inner nine-year old in a very tangible way each day.
2) Get a shorter stick. Create barely-realistic deadlines and then beat them. Maybe think in 4-day increments. What would you love to have completed by this Monday?
3) Get a friend. Partnering with someone else (in the Get It Done group or not) who is also working on goals and agreeing to check in every day can be a terrific way to stay on track.
4) Cultivate your intuition. Allowing your “belly wisdom” to determine your next inspired right action might fight off the paralyzing slow-down.
Does this help?
Wear something different today.
Have something unusual for lunch.
Drive a different route home.
Listen to a different radio station.
Change your catch-phrase.
Learn a new computer skill.
Shop in a different grocery store.
Try a new beverage.
Shake up your workout routine.
Varying your routine – even in the smallest and most incremental way – can shake loose a whole bunch of delightful new thoughts.
You get to choose at least some of the elements of your life, so enjoy exercising that privilege, OK?
Applause isn’t about you.
Applause is something the audience needs to express to in order complete their experience.
Applause is created by them (notice that you can’t really make them do it) and it is created for them. They may think they are applauding you, but really they are applauding to punctuate their own experience – which is great!
Sort of like when you take a bite of a cookie and say, “Yum.”
The “yum” is not for the cookie. The cookie doesn’t care.
The cookie has already done its job of being a fabulous cookie.
The “yum” is for you. The “yum” sets apart this bite from all other bites. It underlines your experience and helps you to understand this particular moment of your life.
So don’t feel shy about graciously accepting praise or applause – you’re doing your audience a favor by welcoming their engagement.
(And the really important part for you is not whether or not people liked or didn’t like what you did, it’s what they liked or didn’t like about it that is significant. The approval means very little. The specific feedback means everything.)
So go ahead and take your bow, because like I said…it’s not really about you.
