Consider the art of Selective Neglect.
We know we’re not going to get everything done today that we would like to get done.
We know that we’re probably not going to get it done tomorrow, either.
So rather than walking around feeling bad about all the stuff we know we’re not going to get to, let’s do some strategic thinking about “the list” itself.
We’ve discussed before the the idea of moving your highest-income producing activities to the top of the list (http://sambennett.wpengine.com/?s=highest+income+producing+activities) and I still find that to be a useful tactic.
But what about eliminating some of the non-income producing activities entirely? (I know – there goes your chances for being crowned Queen Perfectly Doing Everything…)
Seriously – what could just go? And I don’t just mean delegate, I mean eliminate.
For example:
– Alison has an online grocery delivery service do the bulk of her weekly food shopping. Yes, this deprives her of the opportunity to squeeze her own melons, so to speak, but it saves this working mother at least 2 hours a week of parking, shopping and schlepping.
– Nancy quit Facebook. Cold turkey. Probably gained her an extra 6-9 hours per week.
– Jessica quit her church choir. “I loved the singing,” she said, “But I was not loving the 2-hour rehearsal each Thursday night. Being home with my family instead means we’ve started a weekly game night – Bananagrams! – and now in church on Sundays I get to just relax and enjoy church.” So she gained two hours plus not having to be there early on Sunday – probably three hours a week.
– I put my husband in charge of all national and international events. I do skim the front section of the newspaper each day with one eye half-closed, just to stay abreast of the general news trends. But I realized that don’t really want to take the time to learn all the details. Plus, I find the details depressing. But my husband reads everything cover to cover and is well-informed about almost everything and so, when I find myself wondering about what’s actually going on in Tunisia, I just ask him. It’s very refreshing to remain deliberately under-informed in this world of the non-stop news cycle. How much time do I save? Maybe ten minutes a day plus a whole lot of brain space.
– David sent out a hilarious post-holiday email to his family and friends saying something to the effect of, “Dear Ones, A better father would probably be able to get his kids to write thank-you notes. But I’m not that guy. So please accept this generic email as a sign of our sincerest thanks for the gift/card/well-wishes you sent/made/delivered. We really like/appreciate/use it a lot. We love you. Sincerely…” This single dad’s big savings was in deciding to quit nagging his kids. Again, some gain in time, probably, the bigger gain was in his newly-peaceful approach toward his kids.
So what could you just give up on?
HINTS:
1) Look in the areas of your life where there are a lot of “shoulds” going on in your head.
2) Be willing to sacrifice some pleasure for a greater good. All of the activities above were at least somewhat pleasurable – Alison loves food and cooking, Nancy loved Facebook, Jessica loved her choir, I love being well-read and David loves having polite kids. But what if the gain in time or peace of mind is greater than the pleasure factor?
3) Is the gain in time or peace of mind greater than the ego gratification? (This is a biggie – so be gentle but firm with yourself in your answer to this one.) After all, it can feel pretty good to know that, “you did everything yourself, ” or that “you stay connected online,” or that “you sing,” “you’re informed,” “you appear to have perfect kids.” Your ego could take quite a hit, here. But there is great freedom in stepping down off the moral high ground.
4) I would not eliminate anything in the arena of personal care. The time you spend working out, meditating and getting your hair cut is a valuable investment in your appearance and your self-respect. Clearly, this is just my big ol’ opinion (and I suppose if you’re spending an hour blow-drying your hair every morning or two hours a week at the manicurist keeping up your elaborate acrylics, you could consider an adjustment there…) but I really want you to keep your self feeling good and looking current. Not necessarily dressed in cutting-edge fashion, but in a style that is neat, clean, well-fitted to your lifestyle and, you know, from this decade.
5) Try it before you decide. Consider eliminating something for a week or a month before you cut it out entirely. After all, if you really miss it, you can always go back to it.
So, what will you selectively neglect today?
Here’s an email I got recently that I thought might speak to you:
Hello Dear Samantha,
I listened to the recording of the Procrastination tele-seminar last night, woke up this morning and walked straight to the bathroom to pee, but before I brushed my teeth or put clothes on or anything, I went to the cold downstairs and worked on my original music for 15 minutes and really got something good accomplished! (run-on sentence intended)
Here’s my question – I actually have not just original music, but also music for hire, taxes, and de-cluttering all weighing on me.
The idea of spending 15 minutes on each shuts me down. How do I choose what to do? How do I juggle these different boulders? The music for hire is what I need to LIVE off of so I can do my original music, and I haven’t done it since June, when I got the project. Now my head is spinning.
Do you have an idea?
I love your attitude and perspective,
Nedi
NEDIsings.com.
And here’s what I wrote back:
Hi Nedi –
Hooray! Hooray for you! Great work jumping into your original music – fuzzy teeth and all 🙂 Feels so good, doesn’t it?
I can think of a number of suggestions for you –
1) Just stick with working on your original music every day for a month or two until you reach a natural stopping point, then transition to another “daily” project.
2) Make a few lists of a bunch of different 15-minute tasks for each of your projects and each morning just pick one task that feels good (it’s crazy how much progress you can make with this technique).
3) Assign each project a day: Monday for original music, Tuesday for taxes, Wednesday can be a “free choice” day, then Thursday for music for hire, etc.
Experiment until you find a system that really works for you – remember, there’s no right way to succeed, there’s just YOUR way. You’ve got some great momentum going, so stick with it, OK? And don’t forget to reward yourself for doing such good work.
And please let me know how it goes.
Yours,
Sam.
The Get It Done Teleclass
(it’s like a big weekly conference call and it’s recorded so you can listen anytime) starts this Thursday, Jan. 27th and if you want to:
– finish your project
– use your deep creativity
– share and get support from a like-minded community and ME!
Then go here to learn more about The Get It Done Teleclass
: www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com/winter
By the way — The free Procrastination Is Genius In Disguise call was so much fun for me and the demand for this material has been so great that I’m offering it AGAIN on Wed. 1/26 at 9:45am (PT). You can register for the free call here: www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com – Tell your friends!
P.S. The Get It Done Teleclass comes with a money-back guarantee: if you don’t love it, I’ll cheerfully give you 100% of your money back, no questions asked. So if you’re thinking about it, go ahead and DO it! You know I’d love to work with you. Learn more here: www.GetItDoneTeleclass.com/winter xoxoxo SSB.
I’ve started to look at my to-do lists (although you know I like to call them “could-do” lists because to-do feels a bit dictatorial to me and “could do” makes me feel like I’ve got options) with a new lens: money.
Those of you who’ve worked with me are familiar with my Time/Money/Inclination Worksheet, which I use all the time in my actual life and I find invaluable for prioritizing my activities. So this is sort of the the down-and-dirty version for when I’m just roughing out a quickie list. I simply put a “$” next to the items that have to do with income.
Amazing how that little additional piece of information will change the order in which I do things.
Sometimes it will move a pesky task like “Invoice Client” right up to the top of the list. But sometimes it will help me see that something that has nothing whatsoever to do with income, like that letter I want to send to an old friend, is actually much more important to me than anything else and really must be done first.
And sometimes I’m really surprised by how many income-generating items I’ve left to languish, or by how much pressure I’ve been putting on myself to complete something that doesn’t contribute financially to my life at all.
Now, of course money can’t be the only deciding factor – and knowing you it never would be – you are much too soft-hearted for that. But if you’re catching yourself complaining about not having enough money, you might have some fun solving the problem by putting a little more attention on your highest-income producing activities.
People are saying nice things to you all the time.
But I’m guessing you let most of them slide right past you. And some of you even deflect them (“Oh, no, it’s not that great…”) or immediately turn them around (“No, no, YOU are the genius…”)
I’d like you to consider the possibility that you’re being a little rude whenever you refuse a compliment.
First of all, the person is stating a truth. It may not be true for you, but it’s true for them. If they think your story is the best one they’ve ever read or that your church solo moved them or that you look nice in that sweater, that’s their business, and they get to be right.
So acknowledge that they are right. And don’t go around inflicting your opinion on them.
Just because you know you were a bit flat on the last chorus or that this sweater isn’t quite what it used to be doesn’t mean you need to tell them all about it.
Retain your empathy: remember the last time someone did that to you? You tried to say something nice and the person just wafted it away? Felt kind of icky, huh?
Here’s the other reason to take compliments seriously: they offer you valuable market research.
If someone says they find you fun or thought-provoking or nice or smart as a whip or inspiring, then use that language in your next brochure/email/elevator speech.
Imagine you’re at a holiday punch bowl standing next to someone you’d really like to impress and they ask you the oft-dreaded question, “So, what do you do?”
You may answer, “How kind of you to ask.
I’m a singer. I sing at weddings and other church events, and I also sing with a group that visits retirement communities. Someone recently said my work was ‘uplifting’ – which made me feel great, because that’s really what I want to do – lift people’s spirits.”
Nice, huh? You not only described your work but also conveyed the flavor and tone of your work and some of the truth about who you are.
It’s not bragging if it’s true.
P.S. This same strategy applies to criticism. If someone says your work is overwrought or shallow or kinda pitchy, dawg, then thank them for sharing their thoughts with you and DO NOT argue with them. Yes, your ego will flare up a bit. So go punch a pillow. But then remember to incorporate the information into your spiel.
So your next email might say something like, “I’m teaching a new class that teaches sign language to 9-18 month-old children. Some people might find this work superfluous or overly precious, but research shows that offering young children additional means of communication increases SAT scores by over 30%.”
(I completely made up that last part, by the way.)
See how acknowledging the truth clarifies your message?
Keep a running list of all the compliments you get and see what the trends are. Use those words to communicate the truth of you.
Here’s a compliment to start your list: you are good and brave.
photo credit: DG Jones via photopin cc
Quit second-guessing yourself already.
Your first idea is fine. Even if you think it’s kind of dumb. Probably even ESPECIALLY if you think it’s kind of dumb.
And if turns out that your first thought isn’t so hot after all, you’ll find out: FROM OTHER PEOPLE. That’s right – you don’t get to decide if it’s good based on some weird standard inside your head; you let the marketplace decide for themselves if it’s good for them.
And if it isn’t, you’ll fix it…because that’s just how you roll.
It’s so exciting at The Beginning, isn’t it?
You’re learning, you’re launching, you’re out there on the far edge of your experience and it’s a real thrill.
Then.
Then comes The Middle.
The Middle is where it gets kinda boring. It’s when the to-do list becomes an exercise in tedium. The End might have certain charms, but there’s very little that’s sexy about The Middle.
It’s like how Christmas shopping is for some people: way-super-fun picking out the lovely gifts for the people you adore, wrapping and shipping is an unbelievable drag but then witnessing the unwrapping of the gift is a blast.
So – how do you stay motivated through The Middle?
1) Remember your values. You began this process with the idea that your work will bring something important (more peace, greater enlightenment, better banana bread, thinner thighs…) to the world. Picture that effect rippling out in the world. Feel the joy. When you can’t get the train set suitably wrapped, it can be very invigorating to focus on the future: the delighted look on your little engineer’s face upon opening.
2) Delegate. Get help. Farm it out. Beg, borrow or trade. The work that is a giant drag for you might actually be sort of fun for someone else. Plus, that other person is not burdened by your story about your journey. (They aren’t thinking, “Oh, I should be done with this by now” or “This is probably a really dumb idea” or “Who cares about enlightenment anyway?” They are just doing the work.)
3) Pursue clarity. Put the to-do list down, turn off your phone and sit quietly for five minutes. No distractions. No music. Lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from the family if you have to, but find the place that is quiet inside of your head and hang out there. Deep breaths. Tell the monkey mind to zip it and call upon your more evolved, more loving, more spiritually evolved self. Put your hand on your belly and tune in to your Inner Wisdom, your Intuition, your Higher Self.
Listen closely to what that still, small voice has to say.
The Middle feels a little better now, huh?
