Here’s an example of the kind of letter I frequently receive from my clients:
I know what I need to do, I just can’t make myself do it. I watch endless YouTube videos, I play computer solitaire, I fool around on Facebook — I even scrub my kitchen floors — all just to avoid the work that I know is my destiny. I get so mad at myself. Am I chasing a shadow goal? What do I do? — Elizabeth
Here’s what I would say to Elizabeth, and to you, since chances are fairly high you are dealing with the same concerns:
Rest easy, honey — you are merely suffering from a biological imperative called “displacement activity.”
Displacement activity is what happens when an animal is in the grip of two conflicting instincts, and so it enacts a third, seemingly inappropriate behavior.
For example, you’ve probably seen a chimpanzee being challenged by another chimpanzee. When the first chimp doesn’t know whether to run away or fight, he might scratch his head. . .yawn. . . look away. . . start grooming himself.
Seems like a very passive response to aggression, but that chimp will do anything to deflect the energy, avoid making a decision, and otherwise make himself as invisible as possible.
When you have the instinct to create and you simultaneously have the instinct not to create, your fear says, “Don’t do it!” And so, confused by these two equally strong instincts, you shut down and get stuck playing an online word game for hours on end.Sometimes years.
It doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem, and it doesn’t mean your dream is impossible, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re lazy.
So the next time this happens, just recognize the dynamic without yelling at yourself.
“Ah,” you might say instead, “I appear to be having the instinct to create something. And I also find myself feeling afraid of what will happen if I create that thing.
Perfectly natural.
But my fear does not get to make my decisions for me. So I will now set my kitchen timer for fifteen minutes and just play around with my creative idea in a light, fun, beta-testing sort of a way and then see what happens.”
ACTION STEP
Spend fifteen minutes right now playing around with your favorite project.
Some years ago I was suffering from some fairly extreme anxiety.
One of the ways the anxiety manifested was that I felt like I was being constantly graded.
During every meal I cooked, every parallel-parking job, every audition, every everything, I felt like someone, somewhere, was monitoring my every move and keeping track in a big notebook about how well or, more often, how poorly I was executing my life.
Exhausting.
So I decided that if I could not disabuse myself of the idea that I was being graded, then I would just try to get a C — which is the grade you get for showing up and doing the work.
Not doing the work better than everyone else, not doing extra-credit work — just showing up and doing the work.
I was quite pleased with this idea, and I shared it with my sister during one of our almost-daily phone conversations. She agreed that it sounded like a jim-dandy strategy and wished me luck with it.
Then we went on to discuss the real topic of our conversation that day: our father had moved into a new apartment and we wanted to send him a housewarming gift. I said I would take care of it.
A day or two later we were on the phone again and she asked me if I’d sent anything to Dad yet.
“Well, no,” I explained, “because I want to get him something nice but still within our budget, and I was thinking about something for his kitchen although he already has quite a bit of kitchen stuff so maybe there ’s a better idea if we do some sheets or maybe towels, maybe monogrammed, or —”
“Sam!” my sister interrupted. “Get a C — send a plant.”
Ah, the pure ring of truth!
Ten minutes later I had spent less than fifty bucks at an online flower delivery website for a handsome dieffenbachia plant, and the next day my father called both of us to say thank you and to tell us how lucky he felt to have such thoughtful daughters.
Here’s the point: my desire to find the perfect thing for my father was preventing me from finding anything for my father.
My willingness to take the budget-friendly, obvious option (a houseplant) allowed me to do what we really wanted to do to begin with, which was just let our dad know that we loved him and hoped he was happy in his new digs.
There are two more reasons you can afford to get a C.
One, your version of a C is probably everybody else ’s version of an A.
Two, if you get your work out there and then find that it needs to be made more perfect, well, then, you’ll improve it, right?
That’s how you roll.
How is your desire to do the perfect thing getting in the way of your doing anything?
The What If…Workshop: where imagination meets practicality. It’s only $147 and it starts next week 11/18/13 — check it out here (link funky? try pasting this into your browser: https://sambennett.infusionsoft.com/app/orderForms/What-IfWorkshop )
And I’m so excited about this new class that I wrote you a poem…
What If…
This last year was the year
for sure
where you were
getting organized
getting the book done
getting the clutter cleared
starting yoga – again –
and really connecting with your
Inner Voice.
Really figuring out what you really want.
Really asking for it.
Really getting it.
But it seems like every time you tried to
make a move
someone needed you
there was a crisis
the dog got sick and
the roof broke open and
he lost his job and
those tests at the hospital what a
long night that was and
the money just wasn’t there – again –
And then
and then
and then
the voices in your head got started:
Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway?
Everyone’s Already Doing That.
You’re Not Qualified.
The Technology Is Too Hard.
Plus
You Never Finish Anything Anyway.
And so you stand there with the crumpled remains of a year in your hands.
Your hands that ache
to write
to play
to draw
to dance
to work
to share
to shape
to cut
to color
to create.
Your heart cries out.
Your hands cry out.
Please don’t let it be too late.
Wait.
It’s not too late.
It’s never too late.
As long as you draw breath,
it cannot be too late.
Start now.
I mean RIGHT NOW.
Write one sentence right now.
Keep one promise to yourself right now.
Do something just for you right now.
Be undistractible.
Because this is your year for sure.
©2013 Sam Bennett
Where imagination meets practicality: dreaming, prioritizing and doing for creative wackadoodle geniuses like you and me.
4 sessions:
Monday, Nov. 18 – Monday, Dec. 9
5pm PT/8pm ET
– You do not have to be there in person.
– All sessions are recorded & available for download so you can listen again & again.
– Call in from wherever you are OR listen online.
– This ALL-NEW curriculum is perfect for you if:
You want to get clear about what you should do next & the “next steps” that will get you there.
You want to get out of your own way.
You are sick of perfectionism blocking your happiness & productivity.
You’re ready to quit doing things the same old way and try something new.
You’re in the mood to experiment.
You’ve been meaning to take a workshop with me, but it just hasn’t been the right time, right offer or right price up to now.
And of course, satisfaction is guaranteed or your tuition cheerfully refunded.
—> find out more about The What If…Workshop here
Did I mention that it’s only $147?
See, that’s because I know I’ve been offering a lot of higher-end stuff this year, and it was important to me to close out this year with a no-brainer offer that anyone, at any level, could participate in and get GREAT BENEFIT from.
Let me know what you think about it, hm? After all, YOU all are my “market research” : ) and your feedback really matters to me.
—> find out more about The What If…Workshop here (click now because it starts next week! EEEP!)
P.S. What’s YOUR “What If…”? I bet you could help a lot of people by sharing it in the comments below….
I’ve had a partly-finished work laying around for some time now, and, frankly, I’ve been too shy to share it with you because it’s kind of…spiritual.
And spiritual stuff always feels very private to me. (Really private. Like, I’d rather tell you about my sex life than talk to you about my prayer life.)
But since I spend all my time haranguing you about getting your work out into the world whether you think it’s ready or not, I figured I’d better take this opportunity to walk my talk.
I think it’s going to be a little book called, “Unreasonable Gratitude: An Artist Talks To God.”
And it’s sort-of poems and sort-of not-poems, and they are all written as letters to God from a creative person. Some reflect my own direct experience, some don’t.
Here are the first two:
Daily Grind
Dear God,
The daily grind has got My Spirit by the neck.
There are too many things to do and too many hands pulling on me.
Even the things I like to do feel like a chore, and in all this quotidian chaos,
there is no room for me to Make Art.
But I hear you whisper that I was not created in Your Image
to run errands.
And that a year from now, no one will remember the imperfect nutritional value of tonight’s dinner, but everyone will remember the piece I create.
So, just for today, I will claim some time – iron-clad, non-negotiable, uncompromising, turn-off-the-phone time – to do The Work that you designed me to do.
That is my promise to you, so that I might fulfill Your promise of me.
Love,
Me.
The Only Way Out Is Up
Dear God,
Am I crazy? I am broke.
And everyone says
Get A Job.
But that feels tragic.
The moment I think about going to an office every day, I shut down.
Fluorescent lights are soul-sucking.
Routine is death.
But what makes me think I am So Special that I think I don’t have to work like everyone else?
And what makes me think that my work is so worthless that I can’t get paid for doing what I love most?
I feel trapped.
Clearly, the only way out is up.
Please, God, give me some of
Your Perspective
on this.
Help me see the brilliant, blessed Solution that’s exactly perfect right now and
Grant me the courage to take
Divinely-inspired action
right now.
Get me past my own ego and past my fear of other people’s judgment so that I might see my own shining path.
Let’s bring a little Creative Genius to this situation and help me get on with the
Real Work of making the dream of my life
(your dream for my life)
come true.
Love,
Me.
Thank you for reading.
P.S. On a totally different subject, I’ve had a few people inquire about the Start Right Where You Are teleclass and because we’ve only had one session, it is absolutely NOT TOO LATE to join in the fun.
“This is exactly what I’ve been needing. Thank you for creating the format and environment.” – T.J., Washington
“Thank you for the breakthrough – it was a “wow” moment and I have a lot to think about.” – C.H., Iowa
You can use the promo code “Carol” and get the easy $97/month 6-pay plan — and of course your satisfaction is guaranteed or your money cheerfully refunded.
If you want to be more creative but aren’t sure how, then this is the course for you.
If you’re unsure, go ahead and book a time with me & we’ll do a quick, free 15-minute Evaluation Session: https://www.timetrade.com/book/WWDYQ
And please feel free to share this with a friend that you think could use some encouragement to break free from old, paralyzing habits & enjoy a more creative life.
www.StartRightWhereYouAre.com
– SSB
This short video with the special offer gets taken down at midnight 8/30/13 – don’t delay!
So I’m at an audition for a network TV show this morning (good show, good little part – I’ll let you know if I book it : ) and into the quiet waiting room barrels in this actress – let’s call her “Sally” – and she flops herself in a chair and immediately starts complaining. Loudly.
She’s complaining about the heat and the parking and her hurt ankle and the show she used to be on that got cancelled and her mechanic who’s probably a crook and this famous film director who’s a horse’s ass and were they running late because she hated it when she had to wait around in a casting office especially for such a dumb little part…
Shocking, right?
To walk into what is, basically, a JOB INTERVIEW and do nothing but 1) complain and 2) play the victim and then 3) bad-mouth other people in the industry?!?!?
Wow.
You don’t have to be an actor to know that kind of behavior is unacceptable. Poisonous, even.
But here’s the thing: I don’t think Sally thought she was being rude. I think she thought she was – honestly – just making conversation.
I think Sally is so caught up in the little punishments of life that she’s completely forgotten to focus on the good stuff.
(Do you find yourself complaining and commiserating just to make small talk?)
I think Sally has been disappointed so many times that she’s started to predict doom no matter what.
(Do you guard yourself from good, not wanting to get your hopes up?)
And Sally didn’t look very healthy to me; I suspect her weight makes her physically uncomfortable which also darkens her mood.
(Is your body making you miserable?)
Here’s what’s funny: when I think about it, everything Sally said was basically true.
I also had noticed that it was really hot outside and the parking was kind of confusing and I’m sure that famous film director really is a horse’s ass… BUT NONE OF THAT BOTHERS ME.
I was happy to be at the audition. I’ll be happy if I get the part and just as happy if I don’t. I like my life. I like my body. I like acting. I like writing emails to you all. I even liked my long drive into LA, because I got to listen to one of my favorite inspirational CDs.
None of it feels like a chore because it all feels like a blessing.
My happiness is not circumstantial.
I have taught myself to be joyful pretty much no matter what. And I see the results of that joy in my work, in my bank account, in my relationships and in my environment.
If you’d like to increase your JOY, CREATIVITY and PRODUCTIVITY then I invite you to join me for my brand-new Start Right Where You Are program that starts this Wed. Sept. 4th.
(Type in the promo code “Carol” and you can get a secret 6-pay plan of less than $97/month! YAY!)
The video above features a special offer that ENDS TODAY at MIDNIGHT (Friday, Aug. 30 at 12 midnight PT) and of course it’s satisfaction guaranteed or your money cheerfully refunded so if you think this course might be fun then, honey — JUMP IN!
Just click on the image to see the video or go to: www.StartRightWhereYouAre.com
Let’s make this fall a time of true transformation for you, so you can rediscover the joy of being you no matter what.
I’d love to work with you.
P.S. End your indecision, confusion and feelings of overwhelm by joining my brand-new program: Start Right Where You Are. It’s a webinar once every 2 weeks to get you clear, activated and creative – click here.
(Use the promo code “Carol” and get a 6-pay plan of just $96/month!).
Satisfaction guaranteed or your money cheerfully refunded. – S.
We hear this story all the time:
“I tried everything! And then finally…”
Finally, the solution is found.
Finally, the right diet and exercise plan kicks in.
Finally, your perfect partner arrives in your life.
Finally, the gate that seemed locked is opened.
And maybe part of us thinks,
“Jeez, if only I’d tried this sooner…”
But to me, the important part of the story is the first part:
I Tried Everything.
Yes, you did. You tried things and you kept trying and you kept showing up and you persisted even when you were so discouraged you couldn’t even think straight. That’s how a person gets to the “finally” part. By staying on the path and putting one foot in front of the other.
That’s faith in action.
And for those of you who haven’t gotten to the “finally” part of the story – oh, honey – I feel your pain.
Especially when everyone around you has such helpful suggestions. Suggestions like, “Oh, when you stop trying – that’s when it will happen!” Really? Or, “You should try this thing that worked for me/my sister/my neighbor’s best friend in Ohio.” Really?
And maybe you’re even thinking about giving up. And maybe you should.
Here’s one way to get a reading on whether or not you should just give up: make a picture in your mind of you just setting down this burden. Imagine you just taking the whole heavy load and setting it down right there on the side of the road. Imagine taking a few steps down the road away from it.
How do you feel? Relieved?
Then maybe, sweetheart, it’s time to set it down for now – not necessarily for always, but for now.
Or do you feel that welling up of spirit (your parents might have called it “stubbornness”) that says, “I WILL find a way!” If that’s so, then all righty. Pick your bundle up and walk on. And keep trying everything – even crazy things, even the thing that worked for that person in Ohio.
And someday – I guarantee it – you will be able to tell the story of your journey and say, “Well, I tried everything, and then finally…”
So tell me – what circumstance in your life had you trying everything? And what finally worked? Or are you still in it? What have you tried? What are you thinking of doing next?
