I know. You think you’re over it.
You’re old, you’re tired, you’ve already tried it, it’s somebody else’s turn, who cares, you’re over it, no way, not again, oh, please, forget it plus what’s the use anyway…
I feel that way too, sometimes. It’s usually a sign that I need to take a rest. Possibly several rests.
Discouragement and battle-fatigue get to all of us eventually, but the only real problem comes when you start to feel that despair is a permanent condition.
Because it’s not.
Your spirit (once it gets some rest) is an irredeemable optimist.
Your heart’s true nature is: exuberance.
Your mind is always turning toward the better, the improving, the, “well, we could try…”
And maybe those little green sprigs of hopeful thoughts cause you to groan.
“Oh, not again…” you sigh.
But, yes. Again.
And again.
And again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And then a few thousand more times.
Because that is your real self – as resilient as a child and as bouyant as a red balloon. It’s OK. It’s the human condition. We’re tinkerers, improvers, dreamers, thinkers, grass-is-always-greener-ers.
We keep moving. (That’s the hunter-gatherer in us – always on to the next idea.)
Here’s my test: as long as you still have a solid sense of humor about Whatever-It-Is that’s wearing you out, then you’re OK.
If, however, you are feeling rather consistently grim and humorless, then it’s time for a new strategy. So rest. Do whatever it is you do to get your mojo back. Then look around, see where you are and check out the little new ideas that have started dancing around your head.
See – there you go again – dreaming new dreams. For all of us.
Thank you for that.
I notice that you being hard on yourself doesn’t help you get more done. You criticizing yourself doesn’t help you learn and grow. You dwelling on your perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help you be a creative person.
In fact, it makes everything worse.
Being hard on yourself depletes your energy.
Being hard on yourself discourages you from taking action.
Being hard on yourself makes every idea an opportunity for punishment. (“Why didn’t you think of that sooner?” “You should have done that already!” “What’s this – another idea that you won’t finish?”)
Treating yourself as though you are some unreliable and troublesome child who must be constantly watched (“Heaven knows WHAT she’ll do if we take our eyes off her for even just one second”) is completely counter-productive.
I might also point out that you being hard on other people (criticizing, dwelling on their perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help anything either. In fact, it makes things worse.
So just for today, be tender with yourself.
Give yourself a sincere compliment and don’t then immediately talk yourself out of it.
Look around your life and notice all the parts of it that are truly, truly wonderful.
Being gentle with yourself and others is not a cop-out: rather, it is the only way out of the destructive spirals of procrastination, perfectionism and self-loathing.
Those questions and anxieties that have plagued you your whole life are reflections of a mystery.
So the recurrent thought, “I’m Unlovable” might contain the Mystery of Love, and what it means to love and be loved.
The recurrent thought, “I’m Not As Good As I Should Be” points to the Mystery of Good (what is it? how do we know?) and the Mystery of Should.
And the thought, “I Don’t Belong” might indicate an interest in both the Mystery of “I” and the Mystery of Belonging. (This is one of my personal favorites.)
Instead of fighting, running, ignoring or defying those troubling thoughts, why not just sit with it?
What does the question mean?
Where do you see this question reflected in the culture?
Where is the center or middle of the Mystery?
When have you felt truly on top of this Mystery?
How has your life’s work brought you deeper into this Mystery?
No right answers here…just an opportunity to sit with it.
I thought you all might enjoy both considering this question (and how it does or doesn’t show up in your life) and then answer it for yourself. If your answer differs from mine at all, I’d love to hear it!
Dear Sam,
Hey the topic I wanted to visit at the end of the last session was on creating urgency in my works and life passions. I prefer to be pulled to my works and called to my passions. Inspiration rather than motivation is what I seek. I have many fun projects both short and long term as well as key life goals such as co-creating my soulmate in my life. The closer I seem to get the more resistance shows up in the form of artificially slowing down my actions.
How I can create pull and inspiration on a consistent, eyes on the prize, moment to moment basis is what I believe I am looking for now. I can be fired up for a day or two and then…
I appreciate your input oh wise goddess of GID.
Smiles,
Jim
Author of the upcoming book: Abu-Dance: Dancing with Abundance
Dear Jim –
Great question.
By definition, inspiration is a drawing in of a divine influence – esp. through the breath. So it might help to think of your daily actions as 15 minutes worth of deliberate “breathing” and then all-day worth of noticing your “breathing” whenever it comes up. In other words, maybe you spend 15 minutes on “attracting a soulmate” activities and then spend all day noticing how you are being/becoming the perfect soulmate for the world.
A few more tips:
1) Get a bigger carrot. Tie each action to a truly delightful prize. Acknowledge each tiny victory in some significant way. Reward your inner nine-year old in a very tangible way each day.
2) Get a shorter stick. Create barely-realistic deadlines and then beat them. Maybe think in 4-day increments. What would you love to have completed by this Monday?
3) Get a friend. Partnering with someone else (in the Get It Done group or not) who is also working on goals and agreeing to check in every day can be a terrific way to stay on track.
4) Cultivate your intuition. Allowing your “belly wisdom” to determine your next inspired right action might fight off the paralyzing slow-down.
Does this help?
Stay alit with good ideas.
Stay alit with kind thoughts.
Stay alit with amusement.
Stay alit with compassion.
Stay alit by thinking of the children you cherish.
Stay alit by remembering the ones you love who’ve gone on.
Stay alit by humming a little tuneless tune to yourself.
Stay alit by questioning your assumptions.
Stay alit by exploring.
Stay alit, alive and beautiful by spending 15 minutes today on the project that means the most to you.
Wear something different today.
Have something unusual for lunch.
Drive a different route home.
Listen to a different radio station.
Change your catch-phrase.
Learn a new computer skill.
Shop in a different grocery store.
Try a new beverage.
Shake up your workout routine.
Varying your routine – even in the smallest and most incremental way – can shake loose a whole bunch of delightful new thoughts.
You get to choose at least some of the elements of your life, so enjoy exercising that privilege, OK?
