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New Year. New Poem. Enjoy!
Women Who Workshop
A scarf from India
A top that’s Loose around the Middle
Very, very, very Sensible Shoes
And an Unceasingly Kind expression
(The uniform of individuality).
You, the Bright-Eyed.
You, the Generous volunteer.
You, still working out That Stuff with your dad.
In hotel ballrooms and
Church basements and
Yoga studios and
Campgrounds and
Korean spas and
Montana ranches, Bahamian Beaches and the
Herbalist’s office
You are becoming.
It’s so becoming.
You, becoming.
And you’ve learned to
Bring a sweater and a
Thermos of hot water and
Lots of extra tissues.
You have stood in a circle
You have lain prostrate
Your bookshelf groans with
Helping Insightful Books and
Your Journals burst with line
After line
Documenting
Your becoming.
You’re becoming.
You are becoming.
Sensual
Intellectual
Hard-headed
Tender-hearted
(so tender-hearted)
With your Full-Moon Necklace and your
Chakra-Balancing Necklace and the
Beautiful Gold Ring that you
Hand-forged in that Post-Divorce Workshop
Out of the engagement ring from your First Marriage and the
Wedding band from your Second
Now you marry only yourself.
Standing before your Altar
You promise to
Love
Honor and
Cherish
Yourself
From this day forward.
You recognize that some might call it an
Indulgence
To spend time and money on
The Issues That Challenge You.
But those people can screw off (compassionately)
Because the Rush of
Self-realization when you finally put That Betrayal behind you
The poem you wrote about your daughter that
Still makes you cry
(And OK, fine – that delirious eight-day affair with that Yoga Guy –
Sweet Heaven he was gorgeous – and so bendy – )
Cannot be matched by anything that can be
Found inside your own condo.
You have found freedom.
You have healed your Inner Child and
Embraced your Inner Queen.
You are even developing a side-long glance
Relationship with the word “Crone.”
You are curious – becoming – laughing – becoming – stretching –
Because as the wise woman said If You Stop Stretching You Die – sharing –
Because that’s what Heaven’s Children do –
Rejoicing in your growing awareness that no Workshop Intensive
In the world is better than your own becoming
Coming to be.
© 2011 Samantha Bennett
When everything starts to feel out of control, it’s easy to get hard. Hard-headed, hardhearted and hard to get along with.
When we get rigid, we often try to exert some autocratic form of control (“Get into bed right now, young lady!”) which leaves everyone feeling alone and depleted.
Next time your world starts spinning, take a deep breath and concentrate on softening your heart.
Let me know what happens, OK?
Attribution Some rights reserved by C. K. Hartman
Or schedule a concert.
Or a recital or “an evening with…” or a first rehearsal or a meeting with a mentor or…
I double-dog dare you.
I know. You think you’re over it.
You’re old, you’re tired, you’ve already tried it, it’s somebody else’s turn, who cares, you’re over it, no way, not again, oh, please, forget it plus what’s the use anyway…
I feel that way too, sometimes. It’s usually a sign that I need to take a rest. Possibly several rests.
Discouragement and battle-fatigue get to all of us eventually, but the only real problem comes when you start to feel that despair is a permanent condition.
Because it’s not.
Your spirit (once it gets some rest) is an irredeemable optimist.
Your heart’s true nature is: exuberance.
Your mind is always turning toward the better, the improving, the, “well, we could try…”
And maybe those little green sprigs of hopeful thoughts cause you to groan.
“Oh, not again…” you sigh.
But, yes. Again.
And again.
And again.
And again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
And then a few thousand more times.
Because that is your real self – as resilient as a child and as bouyant as a red balloon. It’s OK. It’s the human condition. We’re tinkerers, improvers, dreamers, thinkers, grass-is-always-greener-ers.
We keep moving. (That’s the hunter-gatherer in us – always on to the next idea.)
Here’s my test: as long as you still have a solid sense of humor about Whatever-It-Is that’s wearing you out, then you’re OK.
If, however, you are feeling rather consistently grim and humorless, then it’s time for a new strategy. So rest. Do whatever it is you do to get your mojo back. Then look around, see where you are and check out the little new ideas that have started dancing around your head.
See – there you go again – dreaming new dreams. For all of us.
Thank you for that.
I notice that you being hard on yourself doesn’t help you get more done. You criticizing yourself doesn’t help you learn and grow. You dwelling on your perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help you be a creative person.
In fact, it makes everything worse.
Being hard on yourself depletes your energy.
Being hard on yourself discourages you from taking action.
Being hard on yourself makes every idea an opportunity for punishment. (“Why didn’t you think of that sooner?” “You should have done that already!” “What’s this – another idea that you won’t finish?”)
Treating yourself as though you are some unreliable and troublesome child who must be constantly watched (“Heaven knows WHAT she’ll do if we take our eyes off her for even just one second”) is completely counter-productive.
I might also point out that you being hard on other people (criticizing, dwelling on their perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help anything either. In fact, it makes things worse.
So just for today, be tender with yourself.
Give yourself a sincere compliment and don’t then immediately talk yourself out of it.
Look around your life and notice all the parts of it that are truly, truly wonderful.
Being gentle with yourself and others is not a cop-out: rather, it is the only way out of the destructive spirals of procrastination, perfectionism and self-loathing.
Those questions and anxieties that have plagued you your whole life are reflections of a mystery.
So the recurrent thought, “I’m Unlovable” might contain the Mystery of Love, and what it means to love and be loved.
The recurrent thought, “I’m Not As Good As I Should Be” points to the Mystery of Good (what is it? how do we know?) and the Mystery of Should.
And the thought, “I Don’t Belong” might indicate an interest in both the Mystery of “I” and the Mystery of Belonging. (This is one of my personal favorites.)
Instead of fighting, running, ignoring or defying those troubling thoughts, why not just sit with it?
What does the question mean?
Where do you see this question reflected in the culture?
Where is the center or middle of the Mystery?
When have you felt truly on top of this Mystery?
How has your life’s work brought you deeper into this Mystery?
No right answers here…just an opportunity to sit with it.
