Recently a client asked me how to tell the difference between the natural anxiety a person has when they’re moving forward into something new and the gut instinct that something is truly wrong for them. Good question, right?
And the answer is: I don’t think you can tell the difference. At least not right away.
Both of those feelings are so profoundly uncomfortable that it’s easy to see why some people stay stuck in the familiar. As my wise friend Amy Ahlers once told me, “If you are out of your comfort zone, you can expect to feel uncomfortable.”
I think the only solution is to take a few deep breaths, recognize that discomfort is part of change and then take a few small, manageable steps toward the new thing. Then you can look around and see how it all feels: are you feeling supported and excited? Are unexpected angels conspiring to help you? Are you enjoying yourself? Or are there roadblocks and potholes and feelings of wrongness?
Only once you have taken a few steps into the unknown territory can you determine if you should keep going or not. You can’t tell from where you are.
But do not underestimate how very uncomfortable it can feel to start to play in a bigger arena, to put your self out there, to begin a new work. You will feel vulnerable, afraid and very….exposed. And here’s what’s worse: no one will give you credit for your bravery. They will just sort of assume that it must be easy for you to publish, to perform, to create, to change your world. Because that’s just how cool you are.
(And also notice that you make that assumption, too. When your friend releases a new CD of original songs or mounts a gallery show or puts up their Etsy shop, you don’t automatically think of all the blood, sweat and tears they must have poured out to accomplish that work. You just think, “Oh. Cool. They did that.” So maybe next time give them a bit of a pat on the back, nu?)
You must hold your own hand, talk yourself off of whatever ledges you find yourself on, reward yourself with lots of treats, surround yourself with a few compatriots who will acknowledge your efforts and then…keep walking.
Pay attention to the foreboding feeling in your belly, but don’t let it make your decisions for you, OK?
Marvelous reminder for all of us! Mark Nepo wrote in The Book of Awakening: “Fear gets its power from our not looking, at either the fear or what we’re afraid of.” Learning to breathe through discomfort allows us to look carefully at both and release whatever blocks our energy … then move forward one step at a time. I’m glad YOU’RE out there reminding me to relax and give myself credit for my bravery. You rock 😉
Hugs and blessings,
Your bravery flat-out thrills me, Virginia. You are an inspiration to me. xoxoox S.
Hello, Samantha…
It is odd that you should come into my life at this moment. Having just turned 65, I am very aware that my time is limited for achieving something meaningful. After wondering all my life what I wanted to do when I grew up (profession =librarian), I finally found my calling last year when my place of work downsized me out of a job. I returned to school for philanthropy/non-profit/ fund raising. I have never been happier in one way, but I have OCD. Things got out of hand last year (actually for several years, because my then 96 year-old father fell and broke his hip.) Anyway, I know I am an idea person and I do procrastinate! So, perhaps the universe arranged for our encounter at this point in time!
Dorothy
Absolutely, Dorothy – I’m so glad we know each other now! Good for you for moving forward on your calling, and extra bonus points for maneuvering through the many challenges that get thrown at us. xoox Sam.
Good Morning, Samantha –
Thank you for pulling this out of the archives today. It is validating – an explanation for all those stops and starts over the past few years – as well as supportive and meaningful for the steps I am taking today. You’ve crossed my path at just the right time!
Julie
Thank you so much, Julie — and yes, your journey is (and always will be) in it’s own way, perfect. And I can’t wait to see what happens next! – S.
Dear Sam, How timely it was for you to direct me yesterday to this blog! You are one of my unexpected angels. I doubt if Mr Sharma realised how many trips to the toilet, prayers to God to find the right words &level of fairness and agonising of property market figures it took to come up with a number!!..a first offer for an option to buy his house. And only for him to say it was too low!! Heigh ho. I’m imagining you slaying your lizard brain as you rack up your firsts ..your first promotional video, your first BIG YES, your first webinar etc etc. So today I salute YOU Sam Bennett. Hugs J
I ask myself this question all time! Great answer.
Thanks, Lisa : ) – Sam.