Click here to buy this t-shirt for the grouch in your life.
IN PRAISE OF THE GRUMPY
And as you stand there
Arms crossed
Managing to look both infinitely patient and impatient at the same time
Trying not to roll your eyes and wonder how much longer all this will take
Let us now praise you.
You: the grumpy, the grouchy, the grumbling.
You: the beleaguered and the put-upon.
You: our hidden hero.
Because while you are
Short-tempered with the witless
Furious with the shallow and
Yelling at the television
It is only because you are so thoughtful
That everyone else seems so thoughtless.
And while you insist that you do not care about
What anyone is wearing or
What anyone said or did or
What so-and-so said or did back,
Nor do you give two figs about
The disenfranchised urban-dweller of today or
The illiterate or
The underprivileged of some foreign land or
Whomever it is we’re supposed to be caring about today and that
You will not, under any circumstances,
Attend the choir concert or
The holiday party or
The 12-step meeting or
The neighborhood street fair or
The fancy dress ball or
The class reunion – for God’s sake especially not the reunion – and that
You mustn’t be relied upon for
Donations or
A ride home or
Free advice or
Help moving in to your new townhouse or a
Damn
birthday present (what are we, six years old that we still have to give
people birthday presents just because they managed to get born and stay
alive?) or
Whatever it is that all those people with all those
Outstretched hands
Seem to want
You must know that we all know
That you do, indeed, care and that
You will, if pressed, attend and that
We all do rely
On you.
We can tell that you care,
Because you so assiduously refuse to conform to
Some greeting-card version of caring
And instead insist on caring about us as individuals.
You remember the conversation we had about
Ry Cooder’s guitar playing, and
Six weeks later you slip us a
Homemade cassette tape with no label.
You shun the collection plate, and yet
You shove a hundred dollars into the Youth Group’s coffee can
(A check, of course – no sense missing out on the tax deduction just because you had a weak moment.)
And when you go to greet us,
You look us in the eye and take our full measure
And if you should
Notice that we look a bit sad,
You will grab our hand and
Kiss us roughly on the cheek and say,“You OK, darlin’?”
You might grouse about Christmas Eve,
But you do love Christmas morning.
And while you would never voluntarily look at a
Photo album,
You forever hold a picture in your mind of
How we looked in
That Halloween costume
That prom dress
That uniform.
And we know you will attend
(Quit squirming – this poem isn’t that much longer)
Because underneath your self-proclaimed
Disdain for all humanity
You are curious.
Intensely, insatiably, incorruptibly curious
And while you act repulsed
I suspect you are truly fascinated by us –
This clamoring horde of strangers you are compelled to share the planet with.
OK, OK: with whom this planet you are compelled to share.
Good grief you can be a pain sometimes.
And oh, how we rely on you.
And finally,
While you have largely succeeded in getting yourself off of
The phone tree
(That tactic you had about boring everybody silly with the excruciating details of your latest Water Filtration Project did wonders for removing you from any thinking hostess’ guest list)
We do still rely on you.
Oh how we rely on you.
Oh how we rely on you.
You are our voice of sanity
Our comrade-in-arms
Our truth-telling ally in a world of endless bullshit.
You are our hidden hero
Deceptively chivalrous with
Your tender heart clad in dented armor.
And you must know that
When you are gone
We miss you.
So go ahead and
Sneak out at intermission and
Have an extra drink to get you through the reception and
Just turn and walk away from the
Over-gesticulating and the infuriatingly self-righteous.
Save yourself from these petty cruelties so that
When the world becomes just too much for us poor mortals to bear
We can rely on you to save us.
Oh how we rely on you.
Oh how we rely on you.
Oh how we rely on you.
Now stand still, because we’re going to give you a nice, big hug.
© Sam Bennett
By The Way, You Look Really Great Today
AN ODE TO THE OVERWHELMED
And as you stand there
Late again
Because you forgot to allow time to park
And the elevator was slow
And you left 10 minutes late to begin with
With your shoes that pinch
And your pants that are a little too small
Since you started eating white bread again
And as you paw through your bag
Looking for the suite number
That you’re not sure you wrote down to begin with
Let us now praise you.
You, the untidy.
You, the careless.
You, the easily distracted by sparkly things.
The money you spend on late fees alone
Could feed a family in Africa –
Which reminds you that you meant to send in the kids’ Unicef money and
Forgot.
And that despite your best efforts,
You rarely eat a square meal,
You almost never get enough sleep
And exercise seems like a word that magazines have developed
Just to make you feel bad about yourself.
But you are good and brave.
You, flying by the seat of your pants
Making it work
Putting out fires
Saying your prayers
And dancing your dance of now and later and maybe and
I’ll–have-to-call-you-back-on-that-could-you-send-me-an-email-to-remind-me-to-call-you-back-on-that?
As innocent as each morning’s sunrise,
You are a fount of good intentions.
Your good humor is as graceful as a baby giraffe,
Even if that joke you were trying to make to the hotel clerk fell flat
And your toast at the wedding came out sounding a little….funny.
But you have gifts that no one knows about.
You have the strength to bend in the wind
You have the joyful spirit that loves a good belly laugh,
You have the wisdom to understand that everything will all come out all right in the end and
You have the faith to light a candle rather than curse the darkness.
That is, if you could find the book of matches from that romantic restaurant that you went to for your anniversary but since you didn’t have a reservation they made you wait at the bar for half an hour during which you had two appletinis and the rest of the night is a bit of a blur.
So much for the overpriced lingerie.
You are beautiful.
You are beautiful.
Frazzled and overworked and underpaid
You are the one who forgot your wallet
And forgot your receipt for the dry cleaners
And forgot your keys which you just set down five seconds ago, so where could they possibly have gone?
But you never forget to say, “I love you”
And you never forget to give a big smile to that nice parking guy
And you never fail to show endless patience when the
Too-tightly wrapped and overly-conscientious start to offer their
Oh-so-helpful suggestions about how you might feel better if you would just learn to alphabetize your spice rack.
You are beautiful.
So, wear the lingerie on Monday for no reason.
And why not just refuse to participate in the bake sale this year?
And give yourself a compliment for something you did well today.
Because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.
© Samantha Bennett
PS. There’s still time to register for the Get It Done Teleclass – we begin this Tuesday, May 12th at 11:45am (Pacific Time) call in once a week for 12 weeks and get motivated, do homework, complete the project that will bring you closer to your best life. If you can’t make it, you can always listen to the recording. Results and satisfaction guaranteed. Feeling tempted? Yeah, this is going to be fun. Go here to learn more: https://therealsambennett.com/TOA/Next_Workshop.html
PPS. You can buy the t-shirt
by going here: http://www.zazzle.com/easily_distracted_by_sparkly_things_tshirt-235344511073625260
The Solitude Cure
There is no real cure for loneliness.
Except to transform it into solitude.
Solitude is remembering that there has never, ever been a single (solitary) person like you.
You arrived alone
You’ll die alone.
And in between those two things, you will be having a discreet, one-of-a-kind experience of the world.
Everyone has that “among them but not of them” feeling, at least sometimes. And creative people feel it more often, I think, than most.
Everyone yearns for connection, comfort, fusion, total immersion. We read books where people fall in love and “become as one” and we think we should have that feeling ourselves.
But that only happens in fiction.
So.
The cure is to embrace the separation. Enjoy the space. Hold yourself slightly apart. After all, you already feel apart, so go ahead and exaggerate that feeling a little bit. Observe the world around you. Retreat into your own skin and observe you having your very own point of view on the world.
That isolated, personal point of view is where your art comes from. So go ahead and create something inspired by this particular vantage point. It doesn’t have to be any good, and you don’t ever have to show it to anyone. Just go ahead and let something flow.
And now you have the real cure for solitude: art.
For years I resisted the word “perfectionist.” I thought that word sounded simplistic and anal-retentive. It reminded me of surface-obsessed people running white gloves over lampshades and endlessly rearranging boring red long-stemmed roses in cut crystal vases.
“Perfectionism” sounded like a hobby for people who didn’t have anything better to do with their time.
But at the same time, I found myself exhibiting the following behaviors:
Now, it’s true that the above behaviors are exhibited by almost everyone at one time or another. And for an artist, well, “achieving the impossible” is practically our favorite thing.
Some of the greatest works of all time were the result of some artist pouring totally insane amounts of money, time, energy and life-force into a project everyone else thought was totally crazy.
But perfectionism wasn’t causing me to pour energy into my projects; perfectionism was preventing me from working.
Has that ever happened to you? How did you break the cycle?
I Can’t Go On. I Can’t Go On. I’ll Go On., ww… by samanthabennett222
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When you find yourself all bummed out and thinking dire my-life-is-a-failure-type thoughts, my advice is to wallow in the feelings and ignore the thoughts.
HOW TO WALLOW
Cry.
Beat the mattress with a whiffle bat.
Run around the block as fast as you can.
Re-read a book you find comforting and transportive (Sci-fi? Romance? This is not the time to be an intellectual, here, people – we’re looking for comfort.)
Watch a movie, and not one of those “good for you” movies, either.
Work out.
Paint.
Scribble.
Write poetry (you know you want to…and you can call it “song lyrics” if you want)
Clean out your closet – be merciless.
Sleep, baby.
Write letters to the universe, pouring your heart out.
Go to a 12-step meeting.
Get down on your knees and pray.
Weed the garden.
Fingerpaint.
Listen to Fiona Apple or your personal equivalent.
Comfort food!
Re-read books you’ve read before.
Watch home improvement/animal/decorating shows on TV – shows where nothing bad ever happens.
The idea is to burn off the fog of feelings with the sunshine of energy.
You wouldn’t let an over-tired child make an important decision, would you?
Of course not – you would distract that child with something soothing and fun until they were calm enough to move forward.
So, when you’re in the grip of strong feelings, be your own good parent.
How do you like to wallow?
Don’t go grocery shopping when you’re hungry.
Don’t call ex-lovers when you’ve been drinking.
Don’t think when you’re feeling.
Let’s say you have a disappointing day. Everything is going wrong. Bills, parking, people, money, friends, the very streets seem to be out to get you. You feel alone, sad, furious, frustrated, exhausted and forgotten. You think, “That’s it. I’ve had it.” And you decide to turn your back on your life and start over.
The thought of which depresses you even further.
Or maybe you’re ill, or in physical pain. My friend Chris gets a cold and suddenly his whole life feels like a pathetic joke in which nothing good can ever happen. When his body is weak, his thinking gets weak, and it’s hard to ignore the dark thoughts that are one of his “symptoms.”
Or maybe your illness is actually a hangover; post-alcoholic depression is no joke. Even if you are not suffering from the physical effects of drinking too much, your brain may be. And in it’s weakened condition, your brain is liable to throw out an awful lot of negative thoughts. It’s perilously easy to believe negative thoughts when you’re hung over.
Or perhaps you are in the middle of a truly awful situation. When you have lost something or someone you love, be it a person, an animal, a place, a job, a relationship, or even just your idea of the person you thought you were, you will grieve. According to the Greeks and Sam Christensen “Grief is the Daughter of Anger and Sadness” and “Revenge is the Son of Anger and Sadness,” – an evocative conceptualization, huh? When we are caught in the strong tides of circumstance and emotion, our cognition is affected. And not, as you’ve probably noticed, for the better.
Has this happened to you? When we’re in the extremes of an emotion, it’s all too easy to tie those emotions to thoughts, and those thoughts certainly feel real. But they are not. The thoughts you have when you are operating at a low vibration are a fraud. They are the devil, sneaking in when you’ve left the doorway of despair open even a little bit.
People who make decisions when they’re upset are called Drama Queens. They live in a turbulent, tumultuous world in which nothing can be relied upon, because they allow their ever-shifting feelings to make their decisions for them.
In the same way that alcoholics and addicts constantly “change the rules,” Drama Queens also create an environment in which no one ever knows how they will be received. Will there be hugs and kisses and a face wreathed with smiles? Or glowering? Or mean-spirited remarks? When people come to understand that they cannot rely on you, then will begin to avoid you. Maybe not right away, but eventually they will decide that your erratic, unpredictable behavior is just more trouble than it’s worth. You have become a person without integrity.
So, you know…Don’t be that way.
If you’re feeling low, you have a few choices: you can just lay low, you can can wallow in it (see “How To Wallow”) or you can try to keep your chin up and soldier on. But really, don’t make any big decisions or rash moves until you’re done feeling your feelings, OK?
NOTE: If you’re feeling low for more than two weeks, go see your doctor and don’t leave that doctor’s office until you’ve gotten some help.
So, what lessons have you learned about “not thinking while you’re feeling”?
