Sometimes when you make a big change in your life, all hell breaks loose around you.
I mean, here you are, all pumped up from your brand-new and exciting decision to…
….leave your overworked/underpaid job
….start taking better care of yourself
….clear your clutter
….start charging what you’re worth
….actually work on your creative project for 15 minutes every day
And you’re feeling so good and brave!
You feel joyful and excited and have butterflies in your stomach!
And then….
And then….
And then…
someone you love gets sick (hospital sick)
or
you get fired (and you were going to quit anyway, but wow…fired???!!)
or
your lover gets mad (ugly mad)
or
your house falls apart (the roof literally caves in)
or
or
or
And it really seems like there is no way you can possibly follow through on your new commitment to your self, your creativity and your prosperity.
It really seems like you must abandon your new decision and go back – at least for a little while – to the way things were.
But please please don’t.
You Must Keep Your Resolve — Especially When It Seems Impossible.
These Troubles Are A Kind Of A Test.
Now I’m not saying that you should ignore the sick person or leave your lover or fail to fix the house.
I’m saying you’ve got to manage these “Helena Handbasket Moments” in A NEW WAY.
Welcome to Transformation-Induced Chaos.
When you think about it, it’s no surprise there’s so much turmoil — you are changing and growing at lightening speed and you’re going to get some splashback, right?
So the secret is not to take all this chaos as a sign to revert to your old behavior.
Sam’s Slightly Counter-Intuitive Two-Fold Remedy for Transformation-Induced Chaos
The two-fold trick to managing this might seem a bit counter-intuitive:
1) Focus first on yourself and your well-being
2) Focus on the money
So for #1, make sure that you are calm, rested, fed and centered. Nothing good happens when you are running around undernourished in any sense of the word.
Take time for your art, for your spiritual work and for the things that bring you joy. In this way, you’ll be able to negotiate the pesky “circumstances” of your life. (And yes, even the IRS, the threat of divorce and the shadow of bankruptcy is just a circumstance — it’s no reason to lose your balance : )
And for #2, keep your eye on your highest-income producing activities.
Stand firm in your rate increase.
Refuse to work cheap.
Draw a firm boundary around your creative-work time each day.
Celebrate your daily successes AND keep it up!
You will be much better able to help yourself and the people in your life if you are bringing in a healthy income.
(Please note: bringing in a healthy income will not suddenly turn you into a money-grubber, a shallow, materialistic person, nor will it take away from your street cred as a “real” artist. It will simply give you the freedom to make new choices.)
So while it may seem “selfish” to be out getting new clients when your family is in crisis, it’s actually an act of compassion. You are putting your own oxygen mask on first.
And it may seem “irresponsible” to keep your meditation time each morning when your lover is so upset, but it’s actually an act of true love. You are nourishing the love within yourself so you can better share it with another.
And while others may rush to judge you and your new priorities, their criticism is just a light breeze blowing by as you walk, run, rush pellmell or stagger into your new life.
Keep your eye on your prize.
What’s the prize?
A satisfying creative life filled with love.
How to change your life without running-around-crazy-like-your-hair’s-on-fire – aka – how to stay serene and joyful while you change the world is a bit of a challenge.
But if you’re ready for the chaos and you stand firm and fight, you can find a gateway to a whole new kind of heaven.
Have you said this sentence to yourself about your creative projects, your clutter or getting your business off the ground?
“I know what I need to do…I just have to make myself do it.”
Yep.
I’ve said it, too.
And it’s a huge, horrible lie.
The truth is this:
You are aware of one method that you could use to get your project moving and…you’re not interested in it.
It’s like you’re standing down at the bottom of a mountain….
You can see the top and you think, “Oh! I really want to go there!”
From where you are, you can see one big path up the mountain. Lots of people are on this path.
But for some reason, you don’t want to take that path. You think about it, but you don’t move.
It’s just…not for you.
You may even start to wonder if there’s another way up the mountain.
But then your big “rational” voice says, “Don’t be silly. There’s the road up the mountain. Just do it. Just make yourself do it. What’s your problem? Are you lazy? Why don’t you just do it already?”
This voice is amplified by helpful magazine articles and practical-minded friends and well-meaning fools who keep telling you, “There’s only this one way up the mountain and you know you need to climb the mountain so get on with it, why don’t you?”
And yet you don’t move.
You start to feel worse and worse — because you really do want to get to the top of the mountain. So maybe you work on your self-esteem or you say affirmations or you try enforcing your willpower… but still…
Nothing.
Zip.
No movement.
Here’s the truth:
You aren’t moving because, honey — THAT ISN’T YOUR PATH.
There IS a way for you to climb that mountain and accomplish your goals… it’s just not the way you think.
After all, you are a Creative Genius.
You think different.
Your life is about art and self-expression and healing people and laughter and loving and doing the kind of work that doesn’t even feel like work because you love it so much and you don’t even notice the time passing.
And The World Needs Your Art.
So Here’s My Proposition:
Session #1: Figure out which of your projects to work on first
Session #2: Create a personalized project plan that’s both fun & easy (your own personal way up the mountain)
Session #3: Break through your self-imposed barriers to success
Session #4: Discover the perfect vocabulary for expressing the truth about you & your work (useful for both marketing and general self-worth)
Session #5: Find your tribe of ideal clients, collaborators and colleagues
Session #6: Stay in action (no petering out halfway through, OK?) and CELEBRATE!
Plus there’s bonus “Office Hours” calls and a year-long membership in my 365 Club PLUS you get a free ticket to the 3-Day
Retreat in San Diego, June 20-23, “The Big Yes: How To Overcome Procrastination, Perfectionism and Self-Doubt and Say YES to
Your Creative Prosperity”
Fun, right?
So if you’re ready to create your own success and make joyful progress on your projects in your own (ididiosyncratic, genius-y) ways, then check out The Monster Get It Done 6-Week Teleclass page here: www.MonsterGetItDone.com and sign yourself up!
(And if it turns out to not be the right thing for you, no worries – just let me know before May 8th and I’ll cheerfully refund your tuition. No questions asked. No hassle. No problem.)
I’m ready to help you find YOUR way up the mountain, so let me know – are you in?
P.S. Feeling ambivalent? Here are three steps you could take right now:
1) Watch, listen or download the MP3 of the free preview call — Get Unstuckified: Why You Procrastinate On The Important Stuff and What To Do About It (it’s all the way down at the bottom of the page)
2) Schedule a free 15-minute “evaluation” call with me here: https://www.timetrade.com/book/WWDYQ
3) If your intuition is tugging on your sleeve and you don’t feel like doing the “evaluation” call, then why not just jump in and register for The Monster Get It Done Teleclass
You can get started for as little as $199 — if you discover it’s not right for you, just let me know by May 8th and I’ll cheerfully refund your tuition, no questions asked.
Check out: www.MonsterGetItDone.com
Thank you. – SSB.
Does this question sound familiar?
Dear Sam,
I know what I need to do, I just can’t make myself do it.
I watch endless YouTube videos, I play computer solitaire, I fool around on Facebook – I even scrub my kitchen floors – all just to avoid the work that I know is my destiny.
I get so mad at myself. Does this mean I’m chasing a Shadow Goal? What do I do?
– Elizabeth, N. J.
Dear Elizabeth,
Rest easy, honey – you are merely suffering from a biological imperative called “displacement activity.”
All Creative Geniuses get this from time to time.
Displacement activity is what happens when an animal is in the grip of two conflicting instincts, and so they enact a third, seemingly inappropriate behavior.
For example, you’ve probably seen a chimpanzee being challenged by another chimpanzee. When the first chimp doesn’t know whether to run away or fight, he will…scratch his head…yawn…look away….start grooming himself…
When you have the instinct to create, and you simultaneously have the instinct to not-create —
— the fear says, “don’t do it!”
(And yes, everyone suffers from this fear – celebrities, septuagenarians, kids, career professionals and me – everyone is sometimes afraid of putting their work out there. It’s terrifying.)
And so, confused by the grip of these two equally strong instincts, you shut down and get stuck playing Words With Friends for hours on end.
Sometimes years.
It doesn’t mean you have low self-esteem and it doesn’t mean your dream is impossible and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re lazy.
Shoot, you’re one of the hardest-working people I know. Right?
So the next time this happens, just recognize the dynamic without yelling at yourself.
“Ah,” you might say to yourself, “I appear to be having the instinct to create something. And I also find myself feeling afraid of what will happen if I create that thing. Perfectly natural.
But my fear does not get to make my decisions for me.
So I will now set my kitchen timer for 15 minutes and just play around with my creative idea in a light, fun, beta-testing sort of a way and then see what happens.”
Discover more about what keeps us stuck in my free, on-demand, downloadable webinar called Shadow Goals —
“Wow, Sam, I loved this! I’ve gone from feeling kinda blah and unsure to wanting to jump up and start. That’s pretty big for me, and I really want to thank you for that. I think a lot of people will find this incredibly helpful!” – K.
“Thank you SO much for your time, Samantha! This has been inspirational and hopeful for me….you’ve already given me some tools to use to move forward! Blessings to you!” – Deborah
“This call is invaluable so far to me. I’m being made redundant on the 1st of march and am in the middle of trying to choose what to do next and I think everything you’re saying is going to help me with this.” – Suzie, U.K.
Learn more about “Shadow Goals” here by watching the free replay: http://instantteleseminar.com/?eventid=26718078
Dear Sam,
I have a million ideas in my head and I get excited every time I think of another one. I want to act on that idea right away and then I have half-finished projects.
A lot of them do come to fruition and that’s exciting and I’d like to make more of them a reality. I’m loving the mind – mapping. I’m only on Session 2.
Every time I touch into in your work, I get energized and inspired, so maybe some of these tools will help.
Blessings & Love,
Beth
Beth McKinnon, CPCC
NowBeth Empowerment Coaching
www.nowbeth.com
Dear Beth,
Thank you so much for writing! I think this issue of FOCUS is huge for people – it’s been coming up a lot lately – so I think you speak for many with this question. Thanks for letting me adapt it for this post.
OK, first of all – make sure you’re writing all your good ideas down as soon as they come to you. Keep them in a file or notebook labeled “Pure Fabulousness” or “Genius!” or “Beth’s Brilliant Ideas” or something fun like that.
Writing them down will help keep them from just bonging around your head taking up valuable real estate and will also lessen any anxiety you may have around them.
Also, I would start to revel in your plethora of ideas. Rather than categorize yourself as someone who’s often distracting herself, think of yourself as a non-stop genius idea factory. Of COURSE you have a million ideas – that’s just how you roll.
And you can feel confident that not every single idea needs to be acted upon. Certainly not right away, anyway. And certainly not by you alone.
We’ll be working with some more prioritizing tools in the coming weeks of Get It Done Workshop, but for now, maybe creating a short list of questions to ask yourself before embarking on a new project might be useful.
You’ll come up with your own, of course, but here are a few I thought of:
1) How much time do I estimate this project might take?
2) What’s the budget for this project?
3) What do I expect to get from accomplishing this project?
4) Am I the right person to execute this project?
5) Is now the right time for this project?
I’m so glad the course is benefiting you – please stay in touch and let me know what happens!
Yours,
Sam.
“Oh, I HATE change!” she said.
And she shook her head and she closed her eyes and shuddered again. “Hate it!”
“Really?” I said, “Because change sure loves you.”
Change loves you. Look at how change is always present in your life, swirling around you and taking you in new directions. Change wants you to notice what’s happening right now. Change points out the infinite possibilities in each new moment.
Change wants to keep you from dwelling in the past (which is a dream) and from fretting about the future (also a dream) and keep you right here, in the gift of the present moment.
And the present moment is our one big chance to create something new. Our ability to make something out of apparent nothingness is miraculous. But it is only possible thanks to change.
And change is so forgiving. If we miss our chance to change a minute ago, here change is again, fresh as ever. Sometimes change shows off with a fabulous sunset or a look from a stranger across a crowded room or a big, unmistakable transition like a birth or a death, but mostly change just dwells right here with us in each heartbeat.
Feel that? Each breath is change. Each meal, each step, each smile – we are ever-transforming. Things may feel the same, but it’s an illusion, like gazing at a stream or a waterfall, which appears static but is actually nothing but movement.
So: with us all the time…located in the present moment…contains infinite possibilities…forgiving…eternal…generative, creative…omnipresent…
Change is not just good: change is God.
Let me say that another way —
Change is not just good: change is the presence of the Divine.
Now, I don’t believe that the Divine cares how you feel about It. The Divine just keeps being the Divine whether you believe or don’t believe, notice or don’t notice, call It by one name or another name or don’t call on It at all.
But I find my life goes more smoothly when I cooperate. And when I quit trying to have control over that which I clearly have no control. Much like arguing with gravity, hating change is rather a futile effort. Better, maybe, to allow the laws of gravity to support you, and to allow the laws of change to enlighten you and to reveal more love to you, so that you may be in closer relationship with the Divinity of every beautiful, fleeting moment.
Consider the art of Selective Neglect.
We know we’re not going to get everything done today that we would like to get done.
We know that we’re probably not going to get it done tomorrow, either.
So rather than walking around feeling bad about all the stuff we know we’re not going to get to, let’s do some strategic thinking about “the list” itself.
We’ve discussed before the the idea of moving your highest-income producing activities to the top of the list (http://sambennett.wpengine.com/?s=highest+income+producing+activities) and I still find that to be a useful tactic.
But what about eliminating some of the non-income producing activities entirely? (I know – there goes your chances for being crowned Queen Perfectly Doing Everything…)
Seriously – what could just go? And I don’t just mean delegate, I mean eliminate.
For example:
– Alison has an online grocery delivery service do the bulk of her weekly food shopping. Yes, this deprives her of the opportunity to squeeze her own melons, so to speak, but it saves this working mother at least 2 hours a week of parking, shopping and schlepping.
– Nancy quit Facebook. Cold turkey. Probably gained her an extra 6-9 hours per week.
– Jessica quit her church choir. “I loved the singing,” she said, “But I was not loving the 2-hour rehearsal each Thursday night. Being home with my family instead means we’ve started a weekly game night – Bananagrams! – and now in church on Sundays I get to just relax and enjoy church.” So she gained two hours plus not having to be there early on Sunday – probably three hours a week.
– I put my husband in charge of all national and international events. I do skim the front section of the newspaper each day with one eye half-closed, just to stay abreast of the general news trends. But I realized that don’t really want to take the time to learn all the details. Plus, I find the details depressing. But my husband reads everything cover to cover and is well-informed about almost everything and so, when I find myself wondering about what’s actually going on in Tunisia, I just ask him. It’s very refreshing to remain deliberately under-informed in this world of the non-stop news cycle. How much time do I save? Maybe ten minutes a day plus a whole lot of brain space.
– David sent out a hilarious post-holiday email to his family and friends saying something to the effect of, “Dear Ones, A better father would probably be able to get his kids to write thank-you notes. But I’m not that guy. So please accept this generic email as a sign of our sincerest thanks for the gift/card/well-wishes you sent/made/delivered. We really like/appreciate/use it a lot. We love you. Sincerely…” This single dad’s big savings was in deciding to quit nagging his kids. Again, some gain in time, probably, the bigger gain was in his newly-peaceful approach toward his kids.
So what could you just give up on?
HINTS:
1) Look in the areas of your life where there are a lot of “shoulds” going on in your head.
2) Be willing to sacrifice some pleasure for a greater good. All of the activities above were at least somewhat pleasurable – Alison loves food and cooking, Nancy loved Facebook, Jessica loved her choir, I love being well-read and David loves having polite kids. But what if the gain in time or peace of mind is greater than the pleasure factor?
3) Is the gain in time or peace of mind greater than the ego gratification? (This is a biggie – so be gentle but firm with yourself in your answer to this one.) After all, it can feel pretty good to know that, “you did everything yourself, ” or that “you stay connected online,” or that “you sing,” “you’re informed,” “you appear to have perfect kids.” Your ego could take quite a hit, here. But there is great freedom in stepping down off the moral high ground.
4) I would not eliminate anything in the arena of personal care. The time you spend working out, meditating and getting your hair cut is a valuable investment in your appearance and your self-respect. Clearly, this is just my big ol’ opinion (and I suppose if you’re spending an hour blow-drying your hair every morning or two hours a week at the manicurist keeping up your elaborate acrylics, you could consider an adjustment there…) but I really want you to keep your self feeling good and looking current. Not necessarily dressed in cutting-edge fashion, but in a style that is neat, clean, well-fitted to your lifestyle and, you know, from this decade.
5) Try it before you decide. Consider eliminating something for a week or a month before you cut it out entirely. After all, if you really miss it, you can always go back to it.
So, what will you selectively neglect today?
