It isn’t the prettiest aspect of your personality, but there it is: jealousy.
Ick. How very seventh-grade of you. But all of us, no matter how far beyond seventh grade we’ve gotten, feel jealous sometimes.
And here’s a news flash: jealousy is a gift.
Jealousy is your gut’s way of telling you that first of all, whatever it is, you want some. And moreover, you believe that you could have it. After all, you are never jealous of those who have things you don’t want.
Imagine that your best friend just added an amazing rare frog to her rare frog collection. Feel jealous? I didn’t think so.
If you have no interest in frog husbandry, you don’t feel jealous. Mystified, maybe, about why she might want to collect frogs to begin with (in much the same way your family might feel about you and your choice of a career in the arts), but in no way jealous.
Now, if that same friend suddenly lucked into an all-expenses paid six-month artist’s retreat in a villa in Provence, you might feel jealous. Because that, you want.
This is part one of the gift: the simple acknowledgment of desire.
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes pretend that I don’t want what I want. I pretend that things are okay with me when they aren’t. I pretend to be patient when I feel impatient. I pretend I don’t mind being passed over when, in fact, I mind very much.
Have you done that? Tried to quiet that “I want” voice? Hurts a bit, no?
The second half of the equation, and perhaps the more important half, is this: you believe you are capable of getting it. You are only ever jealous of things you believe you could do or have yourself.
What if your frog-loving best friend just swam the English Channel? Still not jealous, are you? Of course not, because not only do you not want to do that, but you also don’t think you have the ability.
But if that friend wins an award in something you think you could do, or reaches some milestone you aspire to, or obtains some neat thing that you’re pretty sure you could obtain if only the circumstances were right, then that green-eyed monster light is likely to start flashing.
Exercise : Harnessing the Power of Jealousy
Jealousy is a signal from within about desire and will. Add a little anger (also known by its polite name, frustration) and the recipe is complete.
Again, it’s not pretty, but it is an important message from your inner self — ignore it at your peril.
So the next time you find yourself trying to muzzle that nasty little voice of jealousy, take a moment and ask yourself:
1. Do I want that?
2. Why do I want that? What will getting that thing mean
to me?
3. Do I think I could have it?
4. What do I think is standing in the way of my obtaining that?
5. What fifteen-minute baby steps could I take today toward
that?
See if making a little progress toward your own goals doesn’t turn that jealous-monster voice into a happy-cheering-look-at-me go voice.
Keep making those baby steps toward your goal, and I bet that someday soon someone might just be jealous of you.
Here’s my new mental discipline: for each idea or project, I’m asking myself, “What’s the EASIEST possible way to do this?”
As a natural-born over-complicator, this does not come easily to me. But I have noticed that I sometimes don’t move forward on projects because I have larded on too many extra moving parts.
So my thoughts go, “Oh, I want to build that new web page. But I wanted to put video on it. So I need to shoot the video first. What should I wear in the video? I need some decent new clothes. When am I going to find time to go shopping? Maybe I should wait until next week when my friend Tish and I are having lunch near that cute boutique I like and we can go shopping together…”
And for want of a lunch date, the web page was lost.
If, however, I put the big mental “EASY?” note in my head, my thinking can go something like, “I want to build that new web page. But I really want to add video. Maybe it would be EASIEST to build the page first and then when I get around to shooting the video I can just add it in later.”
It helps me to think of each project/product as being in “beta” – that is, I’m just getting the first version out into the world and I’ll make improvements as needed.
I can hear someone’s ego squealing, “But NO! My project has to be SPECIAL! It’s complicated…it needs to be perfect…I can’t just slapdash something together…I don’t want people judging me on work that’s in BETA for crying out loud!”
Yeah. I feel you. After all, I am the person who, when making chicken soup, starts with a whole chicken. I’m into artisanal everything, too.
But guess what – not everything needs to be a Ukrainian Easter Egg. Defy your perfectionism and jump in already.
And as for people judging you, well, if you’re not putting any work out into the world then you’re not making art, you have a hobby. Which is fine – I love hobbies – they are soul-enriching and delightful.
But if you are an artist, then you must share your work, your story, your point of view with the world and then let the world do with it what they will. Risky, yes. But like the man said, the risky is what makes it great.
So strip it down, take the shortcut, reduce the number of options, edit it, do the “dummy” version, simplify, simplify, simplify and see what happens to your productivity. (And your ego 😉
Also – if money is the only reason you’re not doing this, then call me right now at 818-468-0540 and we’ll work something out, OK? Good.
So far we’ve covered:
1) Procrastination is Genius because underneath the pain of it (the hunger pain), it reminds you of your true desire.
2) The nonstop nagging isn’t working (never does).
3) You haven’t moved forward yet because – for whatever reason – it just hasn’t been the right time. And maybe you’ve been a bit scared, which is OK, but we’re not going to let our fear make our decisions for us.
4) You need to get unstuck from the past, bless it correct, forgive yourself (easier said than done, I know) move on in the only way we can: from right here, right now.
5) Allotting some time and money each day to your project allows for incremental progress (baby steps!) and feels GREAT.
6) You can allow your intuition and your imagination to help you to create a new vision of your future. You have the weapons and the support to slay your Procrastination Dragons and rescue your Projects from the tower!
Also – if money is the only reason you’re not doing this, then call me right now at 818-468-0540 and we’ll work something out, OK? Good.
Now, let’s get you moving forward on your project TODAY.
“Could Do” Lists
First of all, get out a piece of paper and title it, “Could Do.”
This is because I think “To-Do” lists are dictatorial and they make me feel pressured and antsy and reluctant and even belligerent – like a high-schooler who’s being harassed to do her homework: pouty!
But “Could Do” puts me in a place of choice.
I could do the laundry, or I could walk around in nasty dirty clothes. I have a choice 🙂 Even if it’s something I know I must do, I feel more relaxed if I remember that I have the option to not do it.
Plus, we’re not trying to think of things that you WILL do for sure, we’re just brainstorming things that you COULD do. Maybe you will and maybe you won’t – we don’t know yet. We’ll have to see how you feel when we’re done.
(And sometimes writing down something that you would never, ever in a million years do can inspire some great idea that you’re really eager to do.)
1) Write down the name of someone who could really help you out on this project. Maybe it’s someone you know, or maybe it’s a hero who inspires you, or maybe it’s even someone from ancient history who might serve as an imaginary guide.
You might also want to make a note about how they might be of assistance. Could they give you advice? Introduce you to someone? Cheerlead? Proofread?
I have noticed that while people are fairly indifferent to generalized requests like, “I wish someone would help me…(sigh)” specific requests like, “Could you give me dialogue notes on Act One?” or, “Could you recommend a good watercolor instructor?” are usually responded to swiftly and in the affirmative.
2) Write down the name of someone who will NOT help you out on this project. It might be someone who will be helpful to you down the road (but not right now), or someone you know who is always a big ol’ Debbie Downer…but take a moment to think about the person with whom you will not discuss your project today.
Notice that it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them, admire them, value their opinion, whatever – it just means that as of today, you are going to consider the option of keeping this project out of their sticky, sticky hands.
3) Write down one simple, easy and affordable step you might take toward your project. This should be something that will take you less than 15 minutes and that you can very easily afford.
That’s right – I’m talking BABY STEP.
What is some tiny, incremental gesture you might make toward your project today?
Something you could research?
Some tool you could buy or borrow?
Some small action you could take?
Some doodle or outline you could sketch out?
Some phone call or email you could easily execute?
Yep. That’s it.
That’s all there is to it. If you do this every morning (BEFORE you check your email!) you will make astounding progress and – bonus – you will feel GREAT.
Because as much as procrastination hurts your heart, moving forward – even just a little, tiny bit – feels absolutely wonderful.
Good luck!
And please, stay in touch with me and let me know how it all unfolds for you. I love hearing from you!
Also – if money is the only reason you’re not doing this, then call me right now at 818-468-0540 and we’ll work something out, OK? Good.
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“Your tele-seminar was awesome from start to finish — and you’ve motivated and encouraged me greatly just in this one session! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! Life has been very challenging, and you’ve given me practical, creative ways to fit working on my own dreams/goals into each day. I appreciate the time you gave us, sharing your expertise and gift of encouragement through your caring heart. I will put into practice what you’ve offered/shared… to realize that the world needs what I have to offer, because I’m the only one who can do what I do — that we’re all unique with unique gifts and ways of expressing those gifts. THANK YOU, SAMANTHA!!!!!!!!!”
– Sandra H., actress
“Thanks for offering such an insightful teleconference on procrastination. You really delivered lots of practical information, exercises and tips. The exercises are straightforward, easy to use and yield “can do” action steps. Very impressive! So many of these “free” calls are mostly fluff and advertising!
I appreciate the insight that the brains of creative people get overloaded and shut down because of too many variables and unknowns. That right there explains a lot!”
Elizabeth Hyland, M. Div.
Author of Surviving The Unemployment Roller Coaster: From Stress To Success
www.UnemploymentRollerCoaster.com
“I loved this morning’s call and I got a LOT from it that I’m sure I’ll use. I love your energy and the way you cut through resistance quickly in simple ways … so I’d love to work with you because I’m sure your ideas will be helpful.”
We all have projects that we know would make an enormous difference in our lives.
Good projects.
Important projects.
World-changing projects.
And they’re just sitting there, staring at us.
The good news is that you’re still thinking about it, which means you have DESIRE.
So just for a minute, quit beating yourself up about how or what you should have done by now. (Can you? Just for a minute?) Now, let’s tap in to the energy that’s inside that desire.
Take a deep breath and really feel the sweet yearning for your Great Idea rising up from your belly. Allow the JOY of your Great Idea to fill your heart and spirit. Focusing only on the yummy-ness of it, let your Great Idea be reborn in your mind, fresh and new, without any judgment or recrimination.
Stay in that joyful feeling for just another moment, and see if a little, tiny action-item occurs to you. Is there a little idea that just floats into your head? A little beginning? If not, that’s OK – now might not be the right time – so just relish that Great Idea of yours and move on with your day.
But you might let the divine energy that is contained within your desire inspire you to take one, eensy-tiny only-15 minutes action around your Great Idea.
While a lot of the coaching and free-advice giving I do is about making sure that you spend at least 15 minutes per day on the creative work that makes you happy, this bit is about attending to all those dumb, pesky details that can make your world feel like a dumb, pesky place to be.
For example, let’s take my client, Kevin. Kevin is a an actor – one of those good-looking-California-surfer types. He’s a hard-working member of a Los Angeles theatre company, and he occasionally books television and film work, usually playing a good-looking-California-surfer type.
Here’s Kevin’s list of dumb, pesky things:
Get the car washed
Clear off desk
Take “Opening Night” outfit to the dry cleaners
Clear out the nightstand drawer
Scrub the tile grout in the tub
Call Angela – her birthday was ages ago!
Check DWP website about drip irrigation program
Put scuba gear in garage – get it out of the bedroom
Throw out holey underwear
Wipe down patio furniture
Now, how long do you suppose these items had been on Kevin’s list?
Here’s Kevin’s embarrassing secret: nothing on that list was less than three months old, and some of them (nightstand drawer) had been on his to-do list for over five years. We can all point and snicker and laugh, but be honest, how many days or weeks or months have your to-do items been hanging around?
Now part of me wants to say to Kevin, “Look, clearly you don’t really give two hoots about getting your car washed, so why not just cross it off your list entirely and move on to a more interesting problem?”
But the fact is, it bothers him.
None of it bothers him very much, but all of them bother him a little.
So every morning Kevin wakes up, looks at his overflowing nightstand drawer and thinks that he should have cleaned that out already. Then he goes to the shower and cringes at the sight of his grubby tile grout. Then he gets dressed, rooting around for intact underwear, trips over the scuba gear, walks past his messy desk on which, somewhere, is his friend Angela’s phone number and he walks past the suit that’s waiting to go to the dry cleaners and he exits his home and notices the dried-out lawn and the grimy patio furniture and he gets in his dirty car and drives to work.
The poor man hasn’t been awake for 45 minutes and he’s already feeling terrible about himself.
That’s why I want you to take care of these niggling things. Not because anyone cares if your car is dirty, but because it’s affecting your self-esteem, and it’s affecting your ability to believe in yourself. “How can I start the project of my dreams when I can’t even find matching socks!” Well, perhaps you can’t.
So make a list of ten little things that:
you know need doing
you know that if you did them it would make positive difference in your life
you’ve been putting off for some mysterious reason
You must keep this list to truly “little” things. Things that cost
less than $50. Things that take less than one hour to complete.
Things that might even be considered “errands.”
Now, schedule some time to complete these tasks. Might be 15 minutes a day, might be one whole day devoted to the whole list, might be delegating these tasks (yes! delegate!)
Let me know how it feels.
I’d love to hear what niggling little thing you’ve been putting off, and how it felt to finally get it done.
