Emotional Wellness - The Real Sam Bennett

Waking Up Wanting: How Doing Little Things Is the Antidote to Burnout

If you’re like me, you wake up pretty much every morning thinking about what you want.

And then you spend the rest of the day talking yourself out of it.

Or psyching yourself out of it.

Or ignoring it because you spend every waking minute doing the things that everyone else needs you to do.

Sometimes you wake up thinking of what you want in a dreaming way….with a gentle feeling of longing.

Oh, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have my own business and not have to launch out of bed right now and start hustling for someone else…

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to take a trip – to go somewhere special….

Gee, wouldn’t it be great to be able to spend time on this hobby or activity that I love…

Other times, your desire shows up as vicious self-criticism.

Ugh. I can’t believe I haven’t done XYZ yet…

I’m such a failure – I haven’t lost this weight or even started exercising….

I feel like a loser because I haven’t written that book yet…

This early morning self-punishing is a hard way to greet the day, don’t you think?

Other times you just wake up feeling sort of dead and empty.

I don’t even know what would make a difference for me….I’m just so tired of my life….

I’m so sick of going to the same office and saying the same things to the same people over and over again…

Between the needs of my family and the needs of my job, I’m too tired to even know what I want…

And when you repeat this pattern day after day, you wind up with that horrible hamster-wheel feeling.

Because burnout doesn’t come from working hard – it comes from working hard and feeling like it doesn’t make any difference.

So the antidote to burn-out is MEANING.

And a great clue to finding meaning in your life is to look to those things you wake up wanting.

If you look underneath your feeling of dissatisfaction, you may find some interesting questions:

Where is the joy in my life?

Where is the zhuzh? The energy and sparkle?

Where is my power to change things?

These are excellent questions. You may even want to use them as journaling prompts, hm?

Let us take a moment right now to agree that this strategy of “wanting something, then not giving it to yourself all day” is not creating the life that you want.

So let’s think of a new strategy.

We’re going to do this right now.

And here’s our new, easy strategy.

Ready?

1) Pick One Thing You Want to Change

There might be several areas in your life that you want to see changed or a number of things you want to do. Since the purpose of this exercise is to explore this new strategy, I want you to just Pick One.

Pick whichever one bubbles up first for you – big or small.

OK – have you chosen an area of your life you’d like to change?

Great.

Now write that down so you don’t start second-guessing yourself before we’ve even begun.

2) Think of One. Simple. Tiny. Easy. Step.

Write down one simple, easy thing you can do today that will help you make the change you wrote down.

Simple = this step isn’t complicated; you probably already know how to do this.

Tiny = this step will take less than 15 minutes and is easily affordable or free.

Easy = you might even enjoy doing this step.

And I don’t care how dumb it seems. Or how much you feel like it’s not going to help. Because we’re just experimenting, right?

See, it’s your ego that wants to make big moves. Your ego wants to make it an all-or-nothing scenario. Your ego wants to make these big sweeping decisions.

I’m here to tell you your life will change thanks to tiny incremental actions.

Maybe your Simple Tiny Easy Action is to spend 15 minutes cruising some job websites – just to see what else is out there. (Can you see how this moves the inner conversation from, “Ugh I should really quit this job but I can’t afford it blah blah blah,” to “I’m going to just do a little check on what else might be out there for me.” Much more manageable, yes?

Or maybe your Simple Tiny Easy Action is to spend 15 minutes dancing in your kitchen, just to feel the pure joy of moving to music.

Maybe you want to spend 15 minutes writing just 200 words of a book.

Maybe you want to spend 15 minutes reaching out to a friend.

Maybe you spend 15 minutes staring at a blank piece of paper. That’s OK. A little time facing white space never hurt a person.

And here’s the wonderful news: if you do your Simple Tiny Easy Action – your whole day will be different.

It’s possible that the whole trajectory of your life will change.

But – for sure – your day will change.

3) Repeat This Process Tomorrow

And the day after that. And the day after that. And the day after that. And the day after that.

This is how we change our lives.

This is why I wrote the book, “Start Right Where You Are: How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference for Overwhelmed Procrastinators, Frustrated Overachievers and Recovering Perfectionists” (New World Library).

When people looked at my life and asked me, “Wow, how did you go from being a broke actor in Los Angeles who never had two nickels to rub together to being this prosperous business owner, thought leader, and author?” (hair toss, hair toss)

It wasn’t just one thing. It was a lot of simple, tiny, easy decisions. It was a lot of simple, tiny, easy actions in a lot of areas of my life.

And it’s not just me – I’ve helped tens of thousands of clients change their lives with this process, most recently with our breakthrough 90-day program, The Get It Done Lab.

Sam’s Get it Done Lab has helped me to blow past some serious creative blocks and fall in love with the process. The process is now lifting me rather than crushing me. – Beth Jaffe

I am super excited and happy about the shift that is already occurring in me with the little I have done already and… just the basic shift in attitude…really the most important question regardless…what do I *really* want? That’s what matters. – Jodi Johnson

You can do the same. Starting right now.

Here’s the thing: Every day is precious to us. We do not know when our last day here is.

Do not wait to move forward on having the life that matters to you.

A Manifesto for the Highly Creative Person

We, the people of a grillion ideas, do solemnly declare that as of today, we are officially in service to the world.

No longer will we let our fear, insecurity, procrastination and self-doubt keep us from sharing our work.

Our imagination is at your disposal.

Our innovation is yours to use.

Our stories and jokes and songs and teachings and puzzles and solutions are, as of now, available upon request.

We aren’t going to worry about what you think any more.

You need us too much.

We are going to take our secret passions and multiple areas of expertise and share them without worrying about what our fucking niche is.

We are going to give voice to the truth in our hearts, without feeling concerned that the world won’t get it, because we know the ones who need to hear, will hear.

We are going to haul our inventions, our stories, our screenplays, our paintings, our musings, our poetry, our architectural drawings, our compositions and our “oh, this old thing – that’s just a little hobby” doo-dads and whatnots out of the closet.

And into the world.

Where our work can heal the world in the same way that it has always healed us.

(Look – we were the weird kids. We get that. And maybe we’ve held a bit of a grudge. Now we can see that in this life, everyone gets the same amount of pain. We didn’t have it worse. You didn’t have it easier. We have all struggled to make it to here.)

Now there is no more time for divisiveness. We are here to celebrate that which is best, brightest and most humble about the human spirit.

I pledge my heart and soul to greater good of all concerned.

I offer my brain, my ideas and the work of my hands to the world.

I am willing to charge for my work, or not, and willing to be criticized or celebrated or both.

And whatever happens, I will stay #calmkindandcreative

Fear doesn’t get to run things anymore.

Only love.

We are here to love and be loved.

For love is all there is.

How do you do #CalmKindCreative during times of stress, uncertainty and upheaval?

Share in the comments below.

And don’t forget to download your own copy of the Manifesto. Print it out and post where you can read it everyday.

Download

P.S. Highly Creative People, or "HCP's" as I like to call us, are the most underutilized resource on the planet. Together we can change that because the world needs our unique talents and genius, and there's no time to waste.

Think you might be a Highly Creative Person?

Find Out!

I love bad reviews

I love good reviews more, of course.

But I love ALL reviews.

Anytime someone cares enough about what I’m doing to take the time to comment, I’m deeply honored.

Whether they love it or hate it or are just “meh” about it is none of my business. People are allowed to think and feel however they like, and it really has nothing to do with me.

Are you having a hard time digesting that?
Think of it this way: you know that none of their other opinions have to do with you, right?
I mean, if someone said, “Oh, I just loathe peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!” you wouldn’t take that personally, would you? You know that their feeling about PB&J isn’t about you, yes? Right. So just because the opinion under discussion happens to be “you” or “your work” does not make it any more or less about you. It’s all about them.
The moment someone starts to talk about likes and dislikes, or about “better” and “best,” they have stopped talking about the thing itself and they have started talking about themselves. (Thanks to Carolyn Bremer for the origin of this pithy phrasing.)
Here’s why I bring this up:

I was getting ready for another drive into LA, which takes about 90 minutes, and I was thinking that maybe instead of listening to a podcast, I might download a new audio book.
While cruising Audible books and reviews, I realized that I had never once looked up my own books to see their reviews.

Durrrrr….

So I look them up and…

They are just lovely!

People say the most wonderful things about my writing and about my narration and I’m just beaming over here.
And the one negative review cracked me up so much my ego forgot to even wince.
(Laughter almost always defeats ego. Try it.)
Take a look at the screenshots below and you can see for yourself.
And if you’re looking for something nice to listen to, please consider

“Get It Done: From Procrastination to Creative Genius in 15 Minutes a Day” or use this aff link: http://amzn.to/2vKEK6s

“Start Right Where You Are: How Little Changes Can Make a Big Difference for Overwhelmed Procrastinators, Frustrated Overachievers and Recovering Perfectionists” or use this aff link: http://amzn.to/2eP4R8x

And for what’s it worth, I think your work is fabulous.

I also love PB&J.

Yours,
Sam

Ok, that’s it!

Clearly, this has all gone too far.

The news has made me weep almost hourly and I am done with feeling outraged, feeling powerless and feeling frightened.

It’s time to reclaim our creative power and become a relentless force for kindness.

And when I say “time” I mean right now. This very minute.

We creatives have been OK with taking a back seat for too long.

The time for change is now. This very minute.

If you want to live in a world in which creativity matters, then you must act like creativity matters.

Yours first.

And then everyone else’s.

If you want to live in a world of compassion and tolerance, then you must behave compassionately and tolerantly.

Starting with yourself.

Then everyone else.

This means:

No name-calling.
No blaming.
No eye-rolling.
No over-dramatizing.
And most of all: no quitting.

This means:

You don’t get to call yourself, “lazy” or “a failure” or “not good with money” anymore.

You don’t get to point the finger at the family, the teachers, the economy or the media and blame them for your lack.

You don’t get to stand on the sidelines and pretend like the world economy doesn’t have anything to do with you.

You don’t get to huff around making loud noises about moving to Canada when there is a whole world of people out here who need your art, your stories and your voice more than ever before.

I know it’s hard.

I know it’s hard to not let the state of the world turn your mood dark.

But our weapon is the light.

Our weapon is politeness, good humor, firm resolve without violence and most of all, of creativity.

The time to find unusual solutions and out-of-the-box ideas is now.

We’ve let those other guys be in charge for too long, and it’s time we reclaimed our rightful place as the shamans, jesters, prophets, documentarians, dancers, poets, potters, teachers, healers, music-makers, magic-makers and makers-of-things.

Our work brings people together.

Our work reminds people of our shared humanity.

After all – we all want the same things.

We all want to eat good food and love somebody special.

We all want to feel like our work matters.

We all want to laugh at good jokes and be with our friends, especially when times are especially good or especially hard.

All of us.

Every person of every stripe throughout all time has wanted these things.

So if you want to bring people together, do it around the things that you have in common.

I’ve heard that marriage equality progressed faster than anyone thought it could thanks to “Will and Grace.”

And I know for a fact that “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” helped end slavery.

Matthew Bourne’s “Swan Lake” changed our ideas about masculinity, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson is now regularly on my old friend Stephen Colbert’s Late Show, making astrophysics cool again.

And wasn’t it teeny-bopper-Tweeter turned pop-culture-goddess-superstar Taylor Swift taking the stand against sexual harassment this week?

Art matters.

Artists matter.

You matter.

So do not allow yourself to sink into despair.

Rather: allow yourself to sink into the work that has been calling your name.

You don’t know how much your novel, your sexual empowerment workshop, your yoga, your paint (or paint-by-numbers) might change the world.

So don’t let anyone (not even the voices in your head) tell you that your work is foolish, is selfish, is unnecessary or should be put off until tomorrow.

It is time to be a relentless force for creativity, kindness and joy. This very minute.

Pass it on.

Yours,
Sam

Quitting

At Crossfit on Saturday, I was really challenged by one of the exercises.

(To be fair, I’m challenged by nearly ALL the exercises at Crossfit. Crossfit is no joke.)

I was sweating and panting and red-faced and getting lapped by everyone else in the group. I felt weak and frustrated and left behind. I felt like a failure. I wanted to cry. I did cry. I was mad and exhausted and my arms and legs were shaking. My only thought was, “Just don’t quit. Just don’t quit. Just don’t quit. You can suck at this, you can go slow, you can hate it but you CANNOT quit.”

All the while, I was seriously considering quitting.

Just then, the instructor came over to me and asked, “Does it hurt? Or is it just hard?”
I looked her in the eye.
“It’s just hard,” I said.
She said, “OK. Good.”
And she walked away.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot: some things are just hard. But as long as no one’s getting hurt, it’s worth it to keep going.

#dontquit #crossfitbadass #ibuprophenplease #thehardiswhatmakesitgreat

Throwing Pebbles at Dinosaurs: Explaining Atypical Depression

I wrote a longish post on Facebook last night that’s gotten waaaay more likes, comments and shares than anything else I’ve ever written.

Apparently, I hit a nerve.

So I thought I’d share it with you all, too.

NOTE: there is strong language in this.

As you know, depression is a black-hearted fuckshop of a disease – insidious and all-enveloping. After being mostly symptom-free for the past year or so, the last few weeks have been kind of a nightmare. It was a bit shocking to me how swiftly I hit bottom.And because I have “atypical depression” – which despite its name is actually quite common – I can function well in public situations. Atypical depression is not the “can’t get out of bed and crying all day” kind of depression. It’s the “inside a glass box” kind – it looks like everything’s pretty normal, but on the inside you feel utterly alone and completely dissociated. It turns the whole world into a horror show.

I hung in there, though: fought it when I could fight, and laid down quietly when I could fight no more. I prayed, I walked, I did all the stupid things people suggest you do when you’re depressed (take a walk, do something nice for someone else, get a massage, make some art…) all of which are like throwing pebbles at a dinosaur.

Finally – yesterday – the cloud lifted and so far I’ve had 24 hours of non-stop joy.

Here’s what joy looks like: I can taste food. I can breathe. I can feel actual gratitude for my actual life. Nothing fancy. Just the amazing sensation of experiencing energy and desire and being able to think actual thoughts rather than just drown in a sea of self-loathing all day.

Normally I would keep this kind of thing quiet, because it’s private, and in many ways, it’s none of anyone’s fucking business. But I realize that because of what I do and the books I write, people sometimes think that I never have a bad day. Which would be hilarious if it weren’t so tragic.

So, to everyone who is forced to make the choice, every day, to stay on this grassy, ocean-y planet no matter how much it hurts, I salute you. I wish you forgiving friends, loving partners and soft landings. I bless your beautiful sensitivity, your aching heart and the spiritual mastery that you are demonstrating every time you don’t just give the fuck up.

I don’t have any advice, because advice is bullshit. But I will remind you of this: the tragedy of depression is that it convinces you that you will never, ever, ever, ever, ever feel better. And that is a giant fucking lie. You will feel better. Maybe only 1′ better, but still – better. And you matter. You matter to me.

Thank you for listening. I love you.

« Older Entries