I was at an audition today…

This short video with the special offer gets taken down at midnight 8/30/13 – don’t delay!

So I’m at an audition for a network TV show this morning (good show, good little part – I’ll let you know if I book it : ) and into the quiet waiting room barrels in this actress – let’s call her “Sally” – and she flops herself in a chair and immediately starts complaining. Loudly.

She’s complaining about the heat and the parking and her hurt ankle and the show she used to be on that got cancelled and her mechanic who’s probably a crook and this famous film director who’s a horse’s ass and were they running late because she hated it when she had to wait around in a casting office especially for such a dumb little part…

Shocking, right?

To walk into what is, basically, a JOB INTERVIEW and do nothing but 1) complain and 2) play the victim and then 3) bad-mouth other people in the industry?!?!?

Wow.

You don’t have to be an actor to know that kind of behavior is unacceptable. Poisonous, even.

But here’s the thing: I don’t think Sally thought she was being rude. I think she thought she was – honestly – just making conversation.

I think Sally is so caught up in the little punishments of life that she’s completely forgotten to focus on the good stuff.

(Do you find yourself complaining and commiserating just to make small talk?)

I think Sally has been disappointed so many times that she’s started to predict doom no matter what.

(Do you guard yourself from good, not wanting to get your hopes up?)

And Sally didn’t look very healthy to me; I suspect her weight makes her physically uncomfortable which also darkens her mood.

(Is your body making you miserable?)

Here’s what’s funny: when I think about it, everything Sally said was basically true.

I also had noticed that it was really hot outside and the parking was kind of confusing and I’m sure that famous film director really is a horse’s ass… BUT NONE OF THAT BOTHERS ME.

I was happy to be at the audition. I’ll be happy if I get the part and just as happy if I don’t. I like my life. I like my body. I like acting. I like writing emails to you all. I even liked my long drive into LA, because I got to listen to one of my favorite inspirational CDs.

None of it feels like a chore because it all feels like a blessing.

My happiness is not circumstantial.

I have taught myself to be joyful pretty much no matter what. And I see the results of that joy in my work, in my bank account, in my relationships and in my environment.

If you’d like to increase your JOY, CREATIVITY and PRODUCTIVITY then I invite you to join me for my brand-new Start Right Where You Are program that starts this Wed. Sept. 4th.

(Type in the promo code “Carol” and you can get a secret 6-pay plan of less than $97/month! YAY!)

The video above features a special offer that ENDS TODAY at MIDNIGHT (Friday, Aug. 30 at 12 midnight PT) and of course it’s satisfaction guaranteed or your money cheerfully refunded so if you think this course might be fun then, honey — JUMP IN!
Just click on the image to see the video or go to: www.StartRightWhereYouAre.com

Let’s make this fall a time of true transformation for you, so you can rediscover the joy of being you no matter what.

I’d love to work with you.

P.S. End your indecision, confusion and feelings of overwhelm by joining my brand-new program: Start Right Where You Are. It’s a webinar once every 2 weeks to get you clear, activated and creative – click here.

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Satisfaction guaranteed or your money cheerfully refunded. – S.

I Tried Everything And Then Finally…

We hear this story all the time:

“I tried everything! And then finally…”

Finally, the solution is found.

Finally, the right diet and exercise plan kicks in.

Finally, your perfect partner arrives in your life.

Finally, the gate that seemed locked is opened.

And maybe part of us thinks,

“Jeez, if only I’d tried this sooner…”

But to me, the important part of the story is the first part:

I Tried Everything.

Yes, you did. You tried things and you kept trying and you kept showing up and you persisted even when you were so discouraged you couldn’t even think straight. That’s how a person gets to the “finally” part. By staying on the path and putting one foot in front of the other.

That’s faith in action.

And for those of you who haven’t gotten to the “finally” part of the story – oh, honey – I feel your pain.

Especially when everyone around you has such helpful suggestions. Suggestions like, “Oh, when you stop trying – that’s when it will happen!” Really? Or, “You should try this thing that worked for me/my sister/my neighbor’s best friend in Ohio.” Really?

And maybe you’re even thinking about giving up. And maybe you should.

Here’s one way to get a reading on whether or not you should just give up: make a picture in your mind of you just setting down this burden. Imagine you just taking the whole heavy load and setting it down right there on the side of the road. Imagine taking a few steps down the road away from it.

How do you feel? Relieved?

Then maybe, sweetheart, it’s time to set it down for now – not necessarily for always, but for now.

Or do you feel that welling up of spirit (your parents might have called it “stubbornness”) that says, “I WILL find a way!” If that’s so, then all righty. Pick your bundle up and walk on. And keep trying everything – even crazy things, even the thing that worked for that person in Ohio.

And someday – I guarantee it – you will be able to tell the story of your journey and say, “Well, I tried everything, and then finally…”

So tell me – what circumstance in your life had you trying everything? And what finally worked? Or are you still in it? What have you tried? What are you thinking of doing next?

Why Is It So Awful When Everyone Thinks You’re So Wonderful?

“I love your work…”

“Wow, your life is so perfect…”

“You changed my life…”

Sounds great, right? All that praise and approval?

Isn’t that just what you’ve always wanted?

So why do you have a horrible, sinking feeling in your stomach?

There are quite a few unexpected thoughts and feelings that can arise when you begin to be a successful public person:

“I’m a fraud.”
“Everyone thinks my life is perfect and it is SO not perfect – I feel awful.”
“Why is being so popular so exhausting?”

Don’t worry – you’re not crazy. You’re just dealing with a very wonderful problem.

Here’s the link to the blog post I created about this topic for the wonderful people over at CreateHype.com:

http://createhype.com/why-it%E2%80%99s-so-awful-when-everyone-thinks-you%E2%80%99re-so-wonderful/

And here’s the free audio event I recorded about this topic:

Download
I’d love to hear your thoughts….

As Things Begin…

As Things Begin, So They Go…

It is my experience that when a project or relationship begins with missed communication, confusion and weirdness, it almost never gets better. Keep a weather eye out for the Flakes, Bananas and Flim-Flam Artists and when you smell something sour, GET OUT.

(Be gracious, of course, but GET OUT.)

On the other hand, if things start out all groovy, flowing, fun and easy – don’t wait for more evidence. Seal the deal.

Our first impressions are not always spot-on, but you may have noticed that they’re a lot more reliable than our “logical” I’m-doing-this-because-it-makes-sense-despite-my-niggling-reservations-about-it decisions, yes?

Here’s to trusting your instincts today!

How To Make Perfect Choices – Every Time

How to Make Perfect Choices

Nags Head Easter 2011 - photo by Samantha Bennett

And the voice said, “Quit thinking you’re doing this wrong…”

I woke up very early on the Saturday before Easter and took a beach walk. The sky and the sea were the same shade of ever-lightening gray, and there was no one else in sight. As I walked, I prayed, and the voice came to me and said, “Quit thinking you’re doing this wrong.”

I stopped.

“Quit thinking you’ve screwed up. You are leading your life in precisely the right way. Your life is unfolding perfectly.

Not the way you’d planned, I know –

But still: diamond-perfect.”

And I started thinking about all the choices, events and situations that we revisit over and over in our minds, and how all that revisiting is stealing valuable energy and mind-space and creativity from NOW.

So I devised a few questions to help unlock a few of those…oh, “regrets” seems like a strong word to use…but the life choices that you still think about and feel sort of bad about.

Step One: You Have Learned Your Lesson

Perhaps you have a lot of these regrets and you really feel them getting in the way of your leading your best life. Or maybe you only have a few, or one or two. But all of us have at least one.

So pick an event from your past that you wish had gone differently. Could be anything:

A trip you didn’t take.
An apology that you bungled.
An opportunity squandered.

First, what is the Life Lesson of that event? What is the “moral of the story?” What behavioral change do you continually reinforce by dwelling on this?

That you are free to choose adventure over safety?
That you need to speak your heart?
That you can lean into the future rather than hanging back?

Good. So, how are you doing with that Life Lesson? Have you got it? Are you sure?

Think of three examples from your life where you have demonstrated an increased ability to be adventuresome, to heart-speak, to lean – or whatever your Lesson was.

I believe that you have learned that lesson. You may give yourself an A+ (or, for those of you who’ve studied with me, you may give yourselves a “C” 😉 because now, in the same way that you no longer have to recall the lesson of “how do I tie my shoes?” or “how do I safely pull my car into the driveway” because you’ve done it a million times, you may now assume that Lesson is part of you. It is part of your unconscious competence. It’s in your bones now, and you can’t unknow it.

So maybe you can afford to be a bit less vigilant, hm?

Step Two: You Did Not Act Alone

Let’s return to that troubling memory for a minute, and let me ask you a question:

Is it possible that you are over-accepting responsibility for this event?

Really.

Give it some thought.

Were there other people involved who also bear some responsibility for the way things went down? Could someone else have helped you out a bit more than they did?

And I don’t mean to say that anyone ought to have done anything differently – after all, those other people are leading their lives just perfectly, too – but I want you to notice that you did not act in a vacuum.

How inexperienced were you at the time?

Did you have all the information you needed? Are you giving yourself a hard time because you didn’t know then what you know now? Can you see the ridiculousness of that?

Now write down the name of someone else who might’ve had a hand in this decision or event of yours.

And write down one piece of information that you have now but did not have then.

Do you see that this maybe was not all your fault? That you were a part of a larger set of circumstances? Could this new perspective maybe help you put down the whip for a minute?

Step Three: Do You Still Desire That Alternate Future?

Finally, answer this: how do you think your life would be different if you had, in fact, behaved differently?

Complete the sentence, “If I had/hadn’t done XYZ, I would now ________________.”

What goes in the blank? Be a painter? Be married? Have lived abroad? Still be friends with…?

Good. Breathe that in.

Do you want that still?

If the answer is Yes, then what is one small (less than 15 minutes, easily within your budget) step you can take today to bring in this thing that you still want?

And be realistic with yourself – maybe you can’t move to Paris today, but you can buy some geraniums and a small photo of the Tour Eiffel to put on your desk. You can start a penny-jar to save up for a plane ticket, yes?

Or maybe you think you would’ve been a famous textile designer now, so you’re going to spend 15 minutes researching new silk-screening technologies today.

Make it fun – a celebration – an experiment, even!

And perhaps you realized that you really DON’T want that thing anymore. How marvelous! Take a moment to celebrate that you “do not want what you haven’t got!”

And so maybe you are so glad that you didn’t marry that person, you decide to buy a special bottle of wine or imported soda pop or special after-dinner tea to commemorate your freedom from that choice.

Because you are here for the joy. And to spend even one moment criticizing yourself for something that could not have gone any differently than it did is a waste of your light.

And the world needs your light.

Disagreements Mean You Need More Information

Have you ever heard a conversation like this?

He: OK, it’s 3:30 – let’s go pick up my car from the shop.

She: I’m not ready to go right now. Let’s go later.

He: I don’t want to go later. I want to go now.

She: Why does it always have to be about what you want?

He: That’s ridiculous! It’s never about what I want. I never get to do what I want. You always get your way…

Or like this?

Parent: Put on your shoes, please.

Kid: No.

Parent: Put on your shoes.

Kid: No.

Parent: Put on your shoes.

Kid: No.

Parent: All right, that’s it. I’ve had it. Put on your shoes right now or you are going to get a time out. Is that what you want? 1….2….

Sound familiar? OK – how about this one:

Your Heart: I want to work on my book.

Your Head: That’s dumb. You never finish anything. You’ve had that idea for years.

Your Heart: But I really love writing.

Your Head: Oh, please. Ever since Mrs. Martin told you that you were a good writer when you were in the third grade you’ve been all hung up on writing. You’re probably not even really any good. And have you seen what’s happening to publishing lately? Let’s go on Facebook…you can write funny things on your friends’ wall if you want to write so much.

Get Out Of Your Defensive Position

I think that it is very difficult to listen, to learn or to negotiate when you are feeling defensive. You’re just too busy protecting your weak spots. And maybe trying to get in a few jabs yourself.

So the next time you catch yourself with your arms crossed, your eyebrows raised and your temper beginning to flare, ask yourself: What More Information Do I Need? and What Information Can I Communicate More Clearly?

With those questions in mind, the first dialogue might go like this:

He: OK, it’s 3:30 – let’s go pick up my car from the shop.

She: I’m not ready to go right now. Let’s go later.

He: I don’t want to go later. I want to go now.

She: Well, I want to go later because I’m sort of in the middle of writing this blog post right now. Why do you want to go now?

He: I have some errands that need to be done by 5pm, and I’m concerned about traffic. If we stay here another 5 minutes, does that give you enough time to get to a good stopping point?

She: Oh, I didn’t know you had errands that were time-dependent. Actually, we can just go right now. I’ll have time to finish writing when we get back.

Parent: Put on your shoes, please.

Kid: No.

Parent: I know you like to be barefoot. I need you to put on your shoes because we’re going to the park and it’s cold outside and I don’t want your feet to get frozen like popsicles. Then we’d have to change your name to “Popsicle Feet,” and I don’t think any of us want that. Now, do you want to wear your red sneakers or your boots?

Kid: That’s silly. OK…red sneakers, please.

Now, I know that negotiations – particularly family negotiations – don’t always go that easily. Not everything can be solved by simply explaining your rationale. (Especially when it comes to little kids and shoes – I know.)

But assuming good will diminishes conflict.

Full disclosure makes room for cooperation.

And how about that internal conversation?

Your Heart: I want to work on my book.

Your Head: That’s dumb. You never finish anything. You’ve had that idea for years.

Your Heart: I know – that’s how I know it’s an important project. Because I had this idea years ago and I’m still thinking about it.

Your Head: Oh, please. Ever since Mrs. Martin told you that you were a good writer when you were in the third grade you’ve been all hung up on writing. You’re probably not even really any good. And have you seen what’s happening to publishing lately? Let’s go see what’s happening on Facebook…you can write funny things on your friends’ wall if you want to write so much.

Your Heart: Head, you get scared so easily, and I know you’re just trying to protect us. Thanks for that. Tell you what: I’m going to set this timer for 15 minutes and write. Then we can go on Facebook, OK?

So:

1) What are you disagreeing about?

2) What are you trying to protect?

3) What more information do you need?

4) What more information could you provide?

5) How can you affirm your good will towards yourself or towards others? (Smile, give a kiss, say something sweet, make a good joke – not a mean joke! a fun joke! – let them know that you’ve walked a mile in their red sneakers…)

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