In Praise Of The Grumpy

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IN PRAISE OF THE GRUMPY

And as you stand there
Arms crossed
Managing to look both infinitely patient and impatient at the same time
Trying not to roll your eyes and wonder how much longer all this will take

Let us now praise you.

You: the grumpy, the grouchy, the grumbling.
You: the beleaguered and the put-upon.
You: our hidden hero.

Because while you are
Short-tempered with the witless
Furious with the shallow and
Yelling at the television

It is only because you are so thoughtful
That everyone else seems so thoughtless.

And while you insist that you do not care about
What anyone is wearing or
What anyone said or did or
What so-and-so said or did back,
Nor do you give two figs about
The disenfranchised urban-dweller of today or
The illiterate or
The underprivileged of some foreign land or
Whomever it is we’re supposed to be caring about today and that

You will not, under any circumstances,
Attend the choir concert or
The holiday party or
The 12-step meeting or
The neighborhood street fair or
The fancy dress ball or
The class reunion – for God’s sake especially not the reunion – and that

You mustn’t be relied upon for
Donations or
A ride home or
Free advice or
Help moving in to your new townhouse or a
Damn
birthday present (what are we, six years old that we still have to give
people birthday presents just because they managed to get born and stay
alive?) or

Whatever it is that all those people with all those
Outstretched hands
Seem to want

You must know that we all know
That you do, indeed, care and that
You will, if pressed, attend and that
We all do rely
On you.

We can tell that you care,
Because you so assiduously refuse to conform to
Some greeting-card version of caring
And instead insist on caring about us as individuals.

You remember the conversation we had about
Ry Cooder’s guitar playing, and
Six weeks later you slip us a
Homemade cassette tape with no label.

You shun the collection plate, and yet
You shove a hundred dollars into the Youth Group’s coffee can
(A check, of course – no sense missing out on the tax deduction just because you had a weak moment.)

And when you go to greet us,
You look us in the eye and take our full measure
And if you should
Notice that we look a bit sad,
You will grab our hand and
Kiss us roughly on the cheek and say,“You OK, darlin’?”

You might grouse about Christmas Eve,
But you do love Christmas morning.

And while you would never voluntarily look at a
Photo album,
You forever hold a picture in your mind of
How we looked in
That Halloween costume
That prom dress
That uniform.

And we know you will attend
(Quit squirming – this poem isn’t that much longer)
Because underneath your self-proclaimed
Disdain for all humanity
You are curious.
Intensely, insatiably, incorruptibly curious
And while you act repulsed
I suspect you are truly fascinated by us –
This clamoring horde of strangers you are compelled to share the planet with.

OK, OK: with whom this planet you are compelled to share.
Good grief you can be a pain sometimes.

And oh, how we rely on you.

And finally,
While you have largely succeeded in getting yourself off of
The phone tree
(That tactic you had about boring everybody silly with the excruciating details of your latest Water Filtration Project did wonders for removing you from any thinking hostess’ guest list)
We do still rely on you.

Oh how we rely on you.

Oh how we rely on you.

You are our voice of sanity
Our comrade-in-arms
Our truth-telling ally in a world of endless bullshit.

You are our hidden hero
Deceptively chivalrous with
Your tender heart clad in dented armor.

And you must know that
When you are gone
We miss you.

So go ahead and
Sneak out at intermission and
Have an extra drink to get you through the reception and
Just turn and walk away from the
Over-gesticulating and the infuriatingly self-righteous.

Save yourself from these petty cruelties so that
When the world becomes just too much for us poor mortals to bear
We can rely on you to save us.

Oh how we rely on you.
Oh how we rely on you.

Oh how we rely on you.

Now stand still, because we’re going to give you a nice, big hug.

© Sam Bennett
By The Way, You Look Really Great Today

An Ode To The Overwhelmed

AN ODE TO THE OVERWHELMED

And as you stand there
Late again
Because you forgot to allow time to park
And the elevator was slow
And you left 10 minutes late to begin with

With your shoes that pinch
And your pants that are a little too small
Since you started eating white bread again

And as you paw through your bag
Looking for the suite number
That you’re not sure you wrote down to begin with

Let us now praise you.

You, the untidy.
You, the careless.
You, the easily distracted by sparkly things.

The money you spend on late fees alone
Could feed a family in Africa –
Which reminds you that you meant to send in the kids’ Unicef money and
Forgot.

And that despite your best efforts,
You rarely eat a square meal,
You almost never get enough sleep
And exercise seems like a word that magazines have developed
Just to make you feel bad about yourself.

But you are good and brave.
You, flying by the seat of your pants
Making it work
Putting out fires
Saying your prayers
And dancing your dance of now and later and maybe and
I’ll–have-to-call-you-back-on-that-could-you-send-me-an-email-to-remind-me-to-call-you-back-on-that?

As innocent as each morning’s sunrise,
You are a fount of good intentions.
Your good humor is as graceful as a baby giraffe,
Even if that joke you were trying to make to the hotel clerk fell flat
And your toast at the wedding came out sounding a little….funny.

But you have gifts that no one knows about.
You have the strength to bend in the wind
You have the joyful spirit that loves a good belly laugh,
You have the wisdom to understand that everything will all come out all right in the end and
You have the faith to light a candle rather than curse the darkness.

That is, if you could find the book of matches from that romantic restaurant that you went to for your anniversary but since you didn’t have a reservation they made you wait at the bar for half an hour during which you had two appletinis and the rest of the night is a bit of a blur.

So much for the overpriced lingerie.

You are beautiful.

You are beautiful.

Frazzled and overworked and underpaid
You are the one who forgot your wallet
And forgot your receipt for the dry cleaners
And forgot your keys which you just set down five seconds ago, so where could they possibly have gone?

But you never forget to say, “I love you”
And you never forget to give a big smile to that nice parking guy
And you never fail to show endless patience when the
Too-tightly wrapped and overly-conscientious start to offer their
Oh-so-helpful suggestions about how you might feel better if you would just learn to alphabetize your spice rack.

You are beautiful.
So, wear the lingerie on Monday for no reason.
And why not just refuse to participate in the bake sale this year?
And give yourself a compliment for something you did well today.

Because you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.

© Samantha Bennett

PS. There’s still time to register for the Get It Done Teleclass – we begin this Tuesday, May 12th at 11:45am (Pacific Time) call in once a week for 12 weeks and get motivated, do homework, complete the project that will bring you closer to your best life.  If you can’t make it, you can always listen to the recording.  Results and satisfaction guaranteed.  Feeling tempted?  Yeah, this is going to be fun.  Go here to learn more: https://therealsambennett.com/TOA/Next_Workshop.html

PPS. You can buy the t-shirt
by going here: http://www.zazzle.com/easily_distracted_by_sparkly_things_tshirt-235344511073625260