That Panicky Feeling

That Panicky Feeling

You know that panicky feeling you get when you’re about to make a big move? Don’t let it deter you – it’s only old ghosts and shadows that will disappear as the sun rises.

Sitting at my desk a few weeks ago, about to hit the button that would send out the announcement about the publication of “By The Way, You Look Really Great Today” to my whole list, I started to feel a little nauseated.

I started to wonder if maybe I shouldn’t wait until tomorrow.

I started to think that maybe the book wasn’t really complete after all, and perhaps I should go back and revise it.

I started to doubt the cover art, the literary merit and the wisdom of even trying such a project.

Yep – me – the person who spends all day telling other people to screw up their courage and share their art – was shocked to find out that what I really wanted was to run away and hide.

And I remembered back to previous experiences like it, and realized that that panicky feeling had led me to do things like:
– get sick
– set a nearly-finished project down and start something new
– create a crisis or emergency
– go clean out my sock drawer
– pick a fight with someone I love
– talk myself out of the launch

Sad, and kind of funny, too.

So next time you’re getting that top-of-the-roller-coaster feeling, just acknowledge it and keep moving. Say a prayer for the best possible outcome for all concerned, release your attachment to the results (sure, that’s easy, right? 🙂 and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

You’ve come this far – don’t abandon yourself now.

Confessions Of A Recovering Perfectionist, Part One

For years I resisted the word “perfectionist.”  I thought that word sounded simplistic and anal-retentive.  It reminded me of surface-obsessed people running white gloves over lampshades and endlessly rearranging boring red long-stemmed roses in cut crystal vases.

“Perfectionism” sounded like a hobby for people who didn’t have anything better to do with their time.

But at the same time, I found myself exhibiting the following behaviors:

  • endlessly thinking everything all the way through and not really being able to stop

  • not really trusting anyone else to do things properly
  • feeling that if I couldn’t succeed, I probably oughtn’t to try
  • being convinced that other people were constantly judging me and my work
  • needing other people to notice and appreciate how hard I was working all the time
  • unwilling to start something unless I was pretty sure I could rely on the outcome
  • having unrealistic, if not impossible, expectations of myself
  • having unrealistic expectations of what I could accomplish in any given time period

Now, it’s true that the above behaviors are exhibited by almost everyone at one time or another.  And for an artist, well, “achieving the impossible” is practically our favorite thing.

Some of the greatest works of all time were the result of some artist pouring totally insane amounts of money, time, energy and life-force into a project everyone else thought was totally crazy.

But perfectionism wasn’t causing me to pour energy into my projects; perfectionism was preventing me from working.

Has that ever happened to you?  How did you break the cycle?