That person who expressed interest in your work, but you never followed up with them…and now you think that too much time has passed, so you don’t reach out to them.
The friend who was having a tough time, and you wanted to call or write, but you got busy and now it feels weird.
The thank you note you didn’t send.
The invitation you never made.
The opportunity that passed you by.
It’s a TERRIBLE feeling, isn’t it?
Guess what?
It feels terrible because it’s FALSE.
It’s not too late.
It’s never too late.
As long as you have breath in your body, it is never, ever, ever too late.
If you are still thinking about it, then the possiblity is still alive.
The fact that it is still on your mind means that it is NOT TOO LATE.
But there is a challenge here:
You are going to have to change.
You are going to have to sacrifice
– your perfectionism
– your embarrassment
– your discomfort
– your misplaced pride
– your big idea that you know how long something is supposed to take
and GIVE IN to the DESIRE you have to take action.
It’s time to put on your Big Girl Panties.
And I know — you think about reaching out to that person, or pursuing that opportunity, and you cringe.
It feels scary.
But trust me: you would not still be thinking about it if it weren’t the right thing.
And who knows? Maybe NOW is an even better time than before!
Maybe now is the perfect time.
So here….to make it easier for you, I’ll give you a little script to use:
“Hello X,
I find myself still thinking about you and XYZ today, so I wanted to follow my intuition and reach out.
If it feels right, I’d love to connect. Are you available to talk on DAY at SPECIFIC TIME or OTHER DAY, OTHER TIME?
If not, no worries – but I’d be remiss if I didn’t even ask.
I hope this finds you well.
Yours,
Me”
Take a chance.
Turn that regret into action.
Open yourself up to some new information.
It is not possible to lose 30 pounds.
It is not possible to write a book.
It is not possible to clear out all the clutter.
You know why?
Because it is only possible to lose a few ounces a day.
And it is only possible to write a sentence or two — maybe a few pages.
It is only possible to clear a bit of the room at a time.
This may seem like just word play, but stick with me here — because I think this is important for two reasons.
1) The Goal Cannot Be Achieved All At Once
Especially if you have a BIG goal, you may have put off working on it because…well, it just seems too big.
It’s so big that you don’t know where to even start.
It’s so big that you doubt you can complete it.
It’s so big that you question your worthiness, your credibility, your right to even attempt such a thing. (The phrase, “Who do I think I am?” may show up here.)
But when you remember that it is not the BIG goal that needs to be accomplished, but rather just the immediate step that’s right in front of you….
Well, that feels much better, doesn’t it?
(Need a suggestion for what one immediate step might be? Try picking one action that will take less than 15 minutes and is easily within your budget.)
And here’s some even better news:
2) The Goal Is Not a Destination
You may have noticed that sometimes you DO complete a big project, and you end up feeling sort of….deflated.
Depressed.
That post-Christmas let-down feeling.
Because you thought you were done.
You thought that once you achieved your goal you would be complete – and that something would change.
But once you lose 30 pounds, you still have to maintain all the discipline and self-love that got you there.
And once you complete your manuscript, it’s not as though you are done writing.
And even if every bit of clutter gets swept away from your place, it’s only a matter of time until more clutter creeps in.
This is not failure. This is process.
So you might find it comforting that you are mid-process on just about everything.
That means it’s not too late to take the next step.
It’s not too late to begin again.
It’s not too late to delight the world with your art.
Get out a piece of paper and write “Could Do” at the top.
I like “could-do” lists because I find “to-do” lists too dictatorial.
They make me feel pressured and antsy and reluctant and even belligerent — like a pouting high schooler who’s being harassed to do her homework.
But the words “could do” put me in a place of choice.
I could do the laundry, or I could walk around in dirty, smelly clothes.
I have a choice.
Even if the task is something I know I must do, I feel more relaxed if I remember that I have the option to not do it.
Plus, we’re not trying to think of things that you will do for sure; we’re just brainstorming things that you could
do.
Maybe you will, and maybe you won’t — we don’t know yet. We ’ll just have to see how you feel.
Here are some suggestions about where to start your own could-do list.
1. Write down the name of a person who could really help you out on this project. Maybe it’s someone you know, maybe it’s a hero who inspires you, or maybe it’s someone from ancient history who could serve as an imaginary
guide.
You might also want to make a note about how this person could be of assistance. Could she give you advice? Introduce you to someone? Cheerlead? Proofread?
2. Write down the name of someone who will not help you out on this project. Maybe it’s someone who will be helpful to you down the road (but not right now), or someone who is always a big ol’ Debbie Downer. Regardless, take a moment to think about the person with whom you will not discuss your project today.
Notice that it doesn’t mean that you don’t love him, admire him, value his opinion, whatever — it just means that as of today, you are going to consider the option of keeping this project out of his sticky, sticky hands.
3. Write down one simple, easy, and affordable step you might take toward working on your project. This should be something that will take you less than fifteen minutes and that you can very easily afford. That’s right — I’m talking baby steps.
What is one tiny, incremental gesture you might make toward your project today?
Is there:
• something you could research?
• some tool you could buy or borrow?
• some doodle or outline you could sketch out?
• some phone call or email you could easily execute?
Yep. That’s all there is to it.
If you write down one small thing you can do every morning (before checking your email) you will make astounding progress and — bonus — you will feel great.
Because as much as procrastination hurts your heart, moving forward — even just a little, tiny bit — makes your heart sing.
ACTION STEP:
Tell a supportive friend or colleague about your project, and ask them for any encouraging ideas, insights, or suggestions.
You did the very best you could do under the circumstances and with the information you had at the time.
Honestly, I’m not sweet-talking you with some feel-good mumbo jumbo here — I’m serious.
As I’ve said, in my experience everyone is always doing the best they can do — and if they could do better, they would.
So we need to bless the past. We need to settle in to the reality that the past cannot be any different from what it is.
We need to look back and realize that we have, indeed, always done the best we knew how to do — even when our best wasn’t very good. And that if the universe is friendly, we can assume it’s all been, somehow, correct.
We can wish things were different, but we might as well wish the mountains would walk down to the sea, because in this very moment, they can’t be any different.
Sometimes something happens that hurts us so deeply we think it can’t be right — it must be bad. We do something awful to someone we love. We ignore our intuition and we stay in some bad job, relationship, or situation longer than we should.
We are caught in some life circumstance that feels just horrible. I’m not saying we should paint those situations pink and call them cheerful. That would be diminishing, disrespectful, and cold.
You are allowed to feel as hurt as you are, as angry as you are, as sad as you are, as disappointed as you are.
Do whatever you need to do to express those feelings in a safe way:
bash the mattress with a whiffle bat, pray, cry, run, write, sing, apologize…
If you need help to move through those feelings, for heaven’s sake, set aside your pride/skepticism/reluctance and get some. And once we’ve worked through all our emotions, we are still left with the truth: the past is what it is, and it cannot be different.
Often, having discharged our pent-up emotion about the past, we can even see how it really was for the best — how whatever happened was a valuable (if painful) lesson for us, and we can genuinely feel grateful for the experience.
Even in the case of loved ones dying, well, we have to know that as much as it saddens us to lose time with our beloveds, we all have to die. Even with everything we know about medicine and prevention and safety, illness, death, and accidents still happen — in just the same way that unlikely healings and miracles and near misses still happen.
So we are humbled by our lack of control, and we bow our heads and still our hearts and say, “It is what it is.” And it cannot be any different, no matter how hard we wish it were so.
We can cling to the fantasy that it’s possible to change the past, or we can declare the past the past, deal with our current feelings (whatever they may be), and move on. The past is what it is, and we can move on from here.
The What If…Workshop: where imagination meets practicality. It’s only $147 and it starts next week 11/18/13 — check it out here (link funky? try pasting this into your browser: https://sambennett.infusionsoft.com/app/orderForms/What-IfWorkshop )
And I’m so excited about this new class that I wrote you a poem…
What If…
This last year was the year
for sure
where you were
getting organized
getting the book done
getting the clutter cleared
starting yoga – again –
and really connecting with your
Inner Voice.
Really figuring out what you really want.
Really asking for it.
Really getting it.
But it seems like every time you tried to
make a move
someone needed you
there was a crisis
the dog got sick and
the roof broke open and
he lost his job and
those tests at the hospital what a
long night that was and
the money just wasn’t there – again –
And then
and then
and then
the voices in your head got started:
Who Do You Think You Are, Anyway?
Everyone’s Already Doing That.
You’re Not Qualified.
The Technology Is Too Hard.
Plus
You Never Finish Anything Anyway.
And so you stand there with the crumpled remains of a year in your hands.
Your hands that ache
to write
to play
to draw
to dance
to work
to share
to shape
to cut
to color
to create.
Your heart cries out.
Your hands cry out.
Please don’t let it be too late.
Wait.
It’s not too late.
It’s never too late.
As long as you draw breath,
it cannot be too late.
Start now.
I mean RIGHT NOW.
Write one sentence right now.
Keep one promise to yourself right now.
Do something just for you right now.
Be undistractible.
See, that’s because I know I’ve been offering a lot of higher-end stuff this year, and it was important to me to close out this year with a no-brainer offer that anyone, at any level, could participate in and get GREAT BENEFIT from.
Let me know what you think about it, hm? After all, YOU all are my “market research” : ) and your feedback really matters to me.
