You do have time to work on your projects. You’re just spending it on something else.
Which is fine.
Be aware that you are making the choice and be clear about your decision. No one is victimizing you. No one else is in charge of your time.
“But I have a boss! And kids! And a spouse!” I know. Me, too. And there’s the animals and the paperwork and the garden and the basement and the church and the family and the car repair and the dinner party and the charity event and the choir concert and the business to run. And that’s just this weekend.
But still – there are snatches of time that are your own. You can wake up 15 minutes earlier. You can ask someone else in the house to prepare supper so you might work for 15 minutes. You can turn off the TV for one sitcom. Even grabbing five-minute increments at work is better than nothing.
I know it’s not easy to ask other people to change their routine to accommodate your need to be an artist. But it is worth the discomfort.
And if you feel that you truly can’t, then you can’t, so quit giving yourself such a hard time about it.
Admit to yourself with a full and humble heart that now is not a good time for you to be working on your project. Mentally set your project in a file folder labeled, “Next Summer” or “After the First of the Year” or whatever and seal it with a kiss.
You are doing an excellent job of living your life. No one could possibly do a better job.
Be proud of your decisions.
I notice that you being hard on yourself doesn’t help you get more done. You criticizing yourself doesn’t help you learn and grow. You dwelling on your perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help you be a creative person.
In fact, it makes everything worse.
Being hard on yourself depletes your energy.
Being hard on yourself discourages you from taking action.
Being hard on yourself makes every idea an opportunity for punishment. (“Why didn’t you think of that sooner?” “You should have done that already!” “What’s this – another idea that you won’t finish?”)
Treating yourself as though you are some unreliable and troublesome child who must be constantly watched (“Heaven knows WHAT she’ll do if we take our eyes off her for even just one second”) is completely counter-productive.
I might also point out that you being hard on other people (criticizing, dwelling on their perceived failures, shortcomings, faults, weaknesses and screw-ups doesn’t help anything either. In fact, it makes things worse.
So just for today, be tender with yourself.
Give yourself a sincere compliment and don’t then immediately talk yourself out of it.
Look around your life and notice all the parts of it that are truly, truly wonderful.
Being gentle with yourself and others is not a cop-out: rather, it is the only way out of the destructive spirals of procrastination, perfectionism and self-loathing.
Quit second-guessing yourself already.
Your first idea is fine. Even if you think it’s kind of dumb. Probably even ESPECIALLY if you think it’s kind of dumb.
And if turns out that your first thought isn’t so hot after all, you’ll find out: FROM OTHER PEOPLE. That’s right – you don’t get to decide if it’s good based on some weird standard inside your head; you let the marketplace decide for themselves if it’s good for them.
And if it isn’t, you’ll fix it…because that’s just how you roll.
It’s so exciting at The Beginning, isn’t it?
You’re learning, you’re launching, you’re out there on the far edge of your experience and it’s a real thrill.
Then.
Then comes The Middle.
The Middle is where it gets kinda boring. It’s when the to-do list becomes an exercise in tedium. The End might have certain charms, but there’s very little that’s sexy about The Middle.
It’s like how Christmas shopping is for some people: way-super-fun picking out the lovely gifts for the people you adore, wrapping and shipping is an unbelievable drag but then witnessing the unwrapping of the gift is a blast.
So – how do you stay motivated through The Middle?
1) Remember your values. You began this process with the idea that your work will bring something important (more peace, greater enlightenment, better banana bread, thinner thighs…) to the world. Picture that effect rippling out in the world. Feel the joy. When you can’t get the train set suitably wrapped, it can be very invigorating to focus on the future: the delighted look on your little engineer’s face upon opening.
2) Delegate. Get help. Farm it out. Beg, borrow or trade. The work that is a giant drag for you might actually be sort of fun for someone else. Plus, that other person is not burdened by your story about your journey. (They aren’t thinking, “Oh, I should be done with this by now” or “This is probably a really dumb idea” or “Who cares about enlightenment anyway?” They are just doing the work.)
3) Pursue clarity. Put the to-do list down, turn off your phone and sit quietly for five minutes. No distractions. No music. Lock yourself in the bathroom to get away from the family if you have to, but find the place that is quiet inside of your head and hang out there. Deep breaths. Tell the monkey mind to zip it and call upon your more evolved, more loving, more spiritually evolved self. Put your hand on your belly and tune in to your Inner Wisdom, your Intuition, your Higher Self.
Listen closely to what that still, small voice has to say.
The Middle feels a little better now, huh?
I thought you all might enjoy both considering this question (and how it does or doesn’t show up in your life) and then answer it for yourself. If your answer differs from mine at all, I’d love to hear it!
Dear Sam,
Hey the topic I wanted to visit at the end of the last session was on creating urgency in my works and life passions. I prefer to be pulled to my works and called to my passions. Inspiration rather than motivation is what I seek. I have many fun projects both short and long term as well as key life goals such as co-creating my soulmate in my life. The closer I seem to get the more resistance shows up in the form of artificially slowing down my actions.
How I can create pull and inspiration on a consistent, eyes on the prize, moment to moment basis is what I believe I am looking for now. I can be fired up for a day or two and then…
I appreciate your input oh wise goddess of GID.
Smiles,
Jim
Author of the upcoming book: Abu-Dance: Dancing with Abundance
Dear Jim –
Great question.
By definition, inspiration is a drawing in of a divine influence – esp. through the breath. So it might help to think of your daily actions as 15 minutes worth of deliberate “breathing” and then all-day worth of noticing your “breathing” whenever it comes up. In other words, maybe you spend 15 minutes on “attracting a soulmate” activities and then spend all day noticing how you are being/becoming the perfect soulmate for the world.
A few more tips:
1) Get a bigger carrot. Tie each action to a truly delightful prize. Acknowledge each tiny victory in some significant way. Reward your inner nine-year old in a very tangible way each day.
2) Get a shorter stick. Create barely-realistic deadlines and then beat them. Maybe think in 4-day increments. What would you love to have completed by this Monday?
3) Get a friend. Partnering with someone else (in the Get It Done group or not) who is also working on goals and agreeing to check in every day can be a terrific way to stay on track.
4) Cultivate your intuition. Allowing your “belly wisdom” to determine your next inspired right action might fight off the paralyzing slow-down.
Does this help?
Wear something different today.
Have something unusual for lunch.
Drive a different route home.
Listen to a different radio station.
Change your catch-phrase.
Learn a new computer skill.
Shop in a different grocery store.
Try a new beverage.
Shake up your workout routine.
Varying your routine – even in the smallest and most incremental way – can shake loose a whole bunch of delightful new thoughts.
You get to choose at least some of the elements of your life, so enjoy exercising that privilege, OK?
